


Unconditionally - Book 5: Fated

by worldinviolet



Series: Unconditionally [5]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cannibalism, Coming of Age, Dubious Morality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Confessions, Murder, Older Woman/Younger Man, Other, Protectiveness, Psychological Torture, Secret Crush, Slavery, Slow Burn, Teenage Drama, Underage themes, Walkers (Walking Dead), walking dead - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:15:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26614333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldinviolet/pseuds/worldinviolet
Summary: Being human  is a tricky concept. Once she left Florida, Eleanor wouldn't imagine she'd survive the outbreak for 3 years... didn't imagine she'd meet Rick and his family, didn't  think she'd get attached to Carl.Would she be starting to realize that maybe... she was too attached?
Relationships: Carl Grimes & Michonne, Carl Grimes & Rick Grimes, Carl Grimes/ Eleanor Sherry, Carl Grimes/Original Female Character(s), Maggie Greene/Glenn Rhee, Rick Grimes & Original Female Character(s), Rick Grimes/Michonne
Series: Unconditionally [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/737889
Comments: 57
Kudos: 28





	1. Gone out hunting

**Author's Note:**

> Oh ho! Hello to everyone reading this book.  
> It is amazing how this story has evolved, along with my writing. To new comers I must warn you this is a fanfic centered on the love story of Carl Grimes and an OFC 10 years older, so there will be some delicate subjects about consent and underage relationships along the way. I by no means encourage a relationship with a minor, this is fiction! And even then the story is developed in such a way to explain the progress.  
> Also, it recommend you to turn back to the other books to have a little context.

Eleanor took a breath, and clutched her pink pullover around her body. A memory struck her suddenly... tracing back when it was winter, when she turned 24, and the location of the governor was unknown. It was when they finally had free reign to turn the prison into a home of their own. 

She remembered the place was still flooded with walkers, the entirety of section A and Death Row. They had finally blocked the crumbled down side of the administrative block but did nothing else, deciding they would only clean it if they had no more space to use... and they started to make runs for not only food but also clothes, sheets, curtains and toys. It was around that time that Rick came to her, and she understood his concerns. 

> _I've been thinking what Hershel told me; and It reminded me of Lori... when she said she feared Carl would be growing cold, he would be growing to fit in a world where you either kill or let yourself be killed. We've faced hell, and Carl has not come out unscathed... I've not come out unscathed. I want Carl to step away from all that, be a kid... for once, and I want you to support my decision._

It had been after that confession that she purposely started to distance herself of Carl. At first he was oblivious, then he got sad... then angry; then he stopped insisting. As he steadily began to hang around more with Patrick and Beth, Eleanor realized that Rick was right... that Carl needed more interactions with kids his age, and she stopped lingering. They got busy, and she started to load herself with work to stop meddling in Rick and Carl's life... and to put her feelings in standby. She preferred to be tired from morning to night instead of feeling left out, forgotten, or even confused by the sudden interest Caleb was showing her way. She even started doing night shifts to not find them too often in the late nights or at dinner. 

She thought that was alright. But then, one night, Carl came to her made up sentinel post with a pair of comics and a used deck of Uno. He looked at her, that determination and seriousness that was so unusual for kids his age. Eleanor couldn't help but smile and make some space for him. She didn't ask what happened, and she didn't reprimand him for not following his father's orders. As if they hadn't been separated at all, they began spending her night shifts together; without any previous accord, they also kept those moments in secret. It was the second time Eleanor had disregarded one of his parents wishes and stayed close to him. True to her word, she wouldn't push him away as long as he purposely came looking for her, because she thought her presence in his life was important... that he needed her and she had to protect him.

And now, that child had killed three people... for her sake.

She was ridden with guilt... but she was also filled with relief. It was true that Carl was only a teenager, but he was far more mature than other teenagers. Hell, sometimes he was even more mature than her; yet, nothing changed the fact that he was a child.

She loved that giddy feeling that she had when Carl was younger and looked at her like she was a superhero. But she also loved that confidence, that self assurance and that bravery that moved him to call out her bullshit. She wasn't as strong as she let on... and as she told him the night before, there had been many things forced down on her before she became what Carl and Rick came to know. She had been forced to be strong and decisive, and she had prepared Carl to be just as strong and decisive. 

She was proud, but that didn't stop Lori's words to dug under her skin like hot red metal. The guilt was eating her inside out; because she had felt satisfaction when the eyes of that man lost their light, and she had felt so relieved when Carl pulled her in a protective hug. And now that she was left along with her thoughts... with that tingling feeling that came from the contact of his lips against her forehead, with the promise that resonated in her head; she felt afraid. 

Afraid that her decisions had molded Carl in an unchangeable way. 

> _I promise you to grow taller, stronger, wiser... and to protect you. I promise to protect you, so... please, trust me_

"Anything around here?" 

She jumped and frowned in disapproval. She had been jumpy all day long and it was starting to get on her nerves. The former sheriff patiently waited for her, Eleanor cleared her throat. 

"This place almost seems empty," she commented, stretching her hands. "There are no walkers, it's so quiet...." 

"You think... we might be going to a trap," Rock ended for her and she nodded. He scratched his chin, his eyes fixed on the building over the fence. "Either way, we night find something useful," 

"I think we should leave something's behind, In case we need to make a swift run unarmed," Eleanor said, her voice gaining a little more confidence. 

Brown eyes met blue ones and the reluctance that she saw in them slowly disappeared. Rick nodded and moved to grab an empty bag, and Eleanor let her contained breath leave her with an audible sigh. Soon later, the others appeared; Michonne gave her a reluctant smile, Daryl tried to... but it was so awkward he grunted and turned away. Carl was the only one to walk nonchalantly past her, until he did a double take and turned to look at her. He smirked and Eleanor pouted, she covered her blush with the pink pullover, as if she were protecting her face from the cold wind. 

With a small rustle, they climbed down the fence one by one. The yard was as big as the whole complex. It looked so deserted and unprotected; Eleanor couldn't believe that this place had people inside or that there hadn't been any walkers around to enter. There was only that little fence and nothing more. She felt a bump on her shoulder and turned to her right. Her nervousness washed away when she noticed it was only Carl. He had also left his blade back inside the bag that was now buried on the ground. He nodded serious, and Eleanor smirked and walked forward with him. They were not going to stay here for long, he felt that... and now she felt that too. 

They rounded on the back door and found one open. Daryl and Rick entered first, making as least sound possible, Michonne waited for Carl and her to go first and that's when Eleanor heard a faint conversation through the hallways. 

_***Follow the rails to where all lines intersect, there are maps at the crossings to help you through your journey... Sanctuary for all, community for all,*** _

It was an old woman, talking on a radio, Daryl remained by the door and then slowly entered. Eleanor couldn't see his face, but she bet he thought he was seeing things. She poked her heard later and saw a group of men and women on the back.... civilians. Against herself, she grew nervous again. There were already 9 people, this place was not deserted; now she realized she wanted it to be. 

"Terminus, sanctuary for all, community for all. Those who-"

"Hello," Rick walked forward and stopped the woman on the radio. She turned and looked at him, and her expression was a mix between surprised and scared. "Hello," Rick said with more force, the people on the back also stopped their activities. Michonne and Daryl stood beside Rick, some steps away. Carl remained close to Eleanor, this one spared a frown at him... one that he mirrored. 

She heard someone sigh and let a stack of papers fall, and stopped herself from jumping again. A young man walked to the front he seemed irritated. "Well, I bet Albert is on perimeter watch," he said with sarcasm and walked forward. "You're here to rob us?"

"No," Rick answered, "We wanted to see you before you saw us," he said, guarding his gun. The guy smiled, still... with a sardonic air. 

"Makes sense," he said and extended his hands, "Well, normally we prepare a welcome party but since you are already here... Welcome to Terminus!" He walked forward, "I'm Gareth... looks like you've been on the road for a good bit," 

"Yeah, we have," Rick said and nodded "name's Rick, These are Daryl, Michonne, Carl and Eleanor," He said signaling to the side. The guy Gareth moved his gaze to each of them. Eleanor thought they must look like shit... if not menacing.

His eyes trailed at the end and Eleanor realized they were fixed on her.... on her face. She grew nervous and tugged her pink pullover to cover her left cheek. 

The guy, Gareth, seemed to notice that and showed an awkward smile, then he waved at her, "Hey," he said in her direction, and then waved again to the others.

Of course, Rick and the rest didn't answer... Eleanor didn't either. "You are nervous I get it! We all are at first right?" he said suddenly. "We came here for sanctuary, Is that why you are here for?"

"If it's offered," her voice sounded like a reluctant croak. Gareth turned to train his eyes on her again, he smiled... and turned to Rick. 

"Yeah," He conceded 

"Okay then, you've found it!" he said with a clap. Now Eleanor couldn't help but jump. "Alex! Well this part is not as pretty as the front but we got nothing to hide. All that we ask is the same of new comers. Now..." he kept on, another guy, with beard and curly hair walked over, he enthusiastically smiled. "Alex will be the one to take you to the welcome wagon, he'll ask you a few questions," the guy in question waved again. "but first we need to see everyone's weapons... if you could place them down in front of you." there was a small silence, before he went on "This is mostly protocol, but try to understand... we are a community of civilians and the number of weapons is tightly controlled," 

Surprisingly, Michonne was the one to lay her Katana down first; then rose her arms. It was that gesture of openness that moved Rick to do the same. Daryl was next, and then Carl. Eleanor let her gun fall reluctantly, and moved to pull out a spare knife before she stopped. 

There was a small folded karambit inside of her boot.... it was fully concealed and they wouldn't notice it unless she took her boots out. She wasn't sure what moved her... but she decided she would leave it hidden. 

The guy, Alex stood in front of her, and he gave her a reluctant smile before he opened is arms to the sides. 

They were also going to search them? 

Eleanor left all pretense and turned panicked to Rick. On his side he was still raising his arms, but the guy Gareth had already finished searching him and was moving to Daryl. She hugged herself, but didn't notice that light-blue eyes under a sheriff hat were following her movements with protective concern. 

"It's okay," She turned to the guy Alex with a jump; his hands were risen in a form of surrender. "It will only be a moment," 

Eleanor bit her lip, and slowly extended her hands. With care the guy got closer and extended his hands in return. She jumped... when the hand touched her ribs, but after that she took a breath and kept reminding herself that this was a search.

This wasn't yesterday night. 

"All done," she turned to look at the front, he looked closer now, and smiled at her. "I hope that the guy got what he deserved," He whispered in sympathy. Eleanor's mouth twitched and was about to answer.

"He did," 

Eleanor turned to Carl, who was looking at the front. Alex spared a hushed 'right' before he turned to the teenager. The atmosphere remained shaky and tense. Eleanor huffed and spared a look at Rick, that had his own reproving and surprised look at his son. 

"Alright, now that's done.... let's get moving," Gareth said, and walked away. At that moment, Alex was at the center moved to crouch and return the handgun Rick had put down to his hands. 

Eleanor wasn't sure why, but the gesture moved her. If was such an open position, to show your head and nape to a stranger, only to give them their weapons... something they could easily do themselves. Daryl refused the kindness, he picked his crossbow before Alex could finish bending over. Michonne, for her part, reluctantly accepted her blade. She looked suspicious, but more confused than anything... and that made Eleanor feel a strange sense of deja vu. 

Wasn't not too long ago that she was like Alex?.... welcoming? Naive? Open to new people? Wasn't she always trying to read people and when she found something they wanted to hide out of mistrust, hope that they would eventually open up to her. 

So many things happened; and now that she looked at poor Alex... she could only thing that attitude was stupid, and pointless.

He did the same for her, and Eleanor tried her best to show a welcoming smile. She took the hand gun and blade from his opened hands. 

"Thank you," she managed to say, the guy scratched his head and awkwardly laughed before beckoning the others to follow him. Eleanor turned to her right and her gaze met the incredulous and almost admonishing one of Carl. She was too distracted to notice if he let his weapons be picked up for him.... but knowing him like she did; she was sure he didn't. 

“how long has this place been here?” Asked Daryl, Alex guided them through a hallway and then to an inner yard. Eleanor had strong prison vibes, the place as similar in disposition, material and over all space. However, this was a rail road station, and there weren’t metal bars or isolated sections, everything was connected.

“Since almost the start,” answered Alex while turning to face Daryl for a moment. He shared a little gaze at Eleanor again before facing forward. “Now when the camps got overrun, people started arriving here,”

“He’s been looking at you a lot,” Carl whispered beside her. They had fallen behind with Michonne, while Rick and Daryl were walking closer to Alex.

“Yup, I’ve noticed,” Eleanor conceded, “Maybe we can make friends with him,”

“I don’t trust him,” he added, and Ellie smiled. 

“…Don’t worry you are still my favorite,” Eleanor teased and she could hear a snicker behind them. It was Michonne, the mirth was concealed but it was there, she was staying behind because of them, and that gave Eleanor a sense of security. Carl scowled and looked to the side, Eleanor felt herself smiling and more relaxed… she had missed that guy’s explanation, but she could ask Rick anytime. That’s how her curiosity picked and she started looking around…

That’s also how she started noticing… and her relaxed posture turned rigid, her emotions were pushed aside, and her senses were on full alert.

Carl’s orange bag was there… and also the special protection gear they used at the prison. Little by little Eleanor started to notice more and more things that had once belonged to them. Daryl’s poncho… and some others. Those were things that could be carried around people, and were used by people they knew. That meant that more people from the prison arrived here. But why were these people using their things? What happened to them?

Eleanor moved to grasp Car’s jacket for a moment, the teenager turned to look at her and he wide eyed at the hard stare of the woman. He also became alert, and his hand subtly reached for his handgun. Eleanor was sure that Michonne would read on the actions of the child, and Eleanor decided to move forward and catch Rick’s attention; but before she could, the former sheriff jumped Alex and pulled something out of his pants pocket. The others became alert and the rest of her group pulled out their weapons and made a protection circle, Rick was grabbing Alex as hostage.

“Where did you get that watch!”

“Hey, calm down,”

“Where did you get that watch!”

So, Rick noticed. Eleanor wide eyed at the watch in question. It was Hershel’s, and he had given that to Glenn; that meant that Glenn was or had been here, and if he had… then so had Maggie.

Alex lifted his hands, and Eleanor noticed that most people around them carried at least a weapon.

Civilians her ass.

“You want answers? Okay You’ll have them! But first put the gun down,” Alex said with a forceful tone. Eleanor spared a look at him, before turning her view around the buildings. She restrained a shiver, when she noticed there were also people located at the roofs. They were surrounded.

“I see that you’ve got youserlf a sniper over there, but How good is his aim, huh?” Rick said, turning his body to face him. So, he noticed. “Now, before the shoots both of us, you’ll tell where the hell you found that watch?!”

Alex screamed, telling the guy on the roof to lower his rifle. Then moved to say that there were more of them, as if giving Rick the chance to lower his gun and forget what happened. Rick insisted and Alex confessed that he got the watch from a dead body. Rick then asked for the rest of the things that Eleanor had also noticed and he was about to answer, but Gareth reappeared, and said it for him

“We found them, okay?”

“Gareth… we can still wait-“

“Shut up, Alex,” he said, and Eleanor felt another shiver. Wait? Wait for what? The guy Gareth wasn’t even scared.

“You talk to me,” Said Rick, still holding Alex at gunpoint.

“What’s there left to say? You don’t trust us anymore,” Gareth said with an almost disappointed tone.

Alex pleaded, but the guy Gareth silenced him again. He was too composed, And Eleanor felt that they didn’t have the upper hand at the moment. Something was missing, she couldn’t understand why the presence… if it was a trap, why weren’t they killed as soon as they arrived. She looked at around her, and noticed the forgotten plates with meat that fell on the floor.

It couldn’t be… could it.

Without warning, they started shooting. Rick let go of Alex and called Carl to take for cover. They ran back to where they came from, but a shower of bullets stopped them dead in their tracks; and so they ran through another alley.

They entered a large building, and the shooting stopped. Rick kept running, trying to look for a way out. Eleanor stopped, and looked behind her, expecting to find people after them, but no one was coming. She frowned, and only moved when Rick called out to her. She noticed a large metal door with a white painted letter… A. Once again, they came out to the open, and the shootings started once more. Eleanor was left behind, and noticed that the bullets were only scrapping the floor. They turned another corner and they met with many closed wagons. They stopped then, when they heard cries of help from those wagons.

“What the hell was that?” Asked Daryl.

“We don’t have time… go! Go!” Rick said.

Eleanor spared only a moment to look behind her, and she only had a blurry image of fenced space, filled with the remnants of bones…

Her mind could have been playing games with her head, but she could have sworn those were human.

They arrived to a new building, and they stopped. Eleanor closed the door behind her, and tried to find something to barrel it with, but she was distracted by the whole vibe of the place.

It was some kind of sanctuary room, filled with lit candles, and painted words on the walls.

**NEVER AGAIN**

**NEVER TRUST**

**WE FIRST ALWAYS**

“What the hell is this place?” Asked Daryl once more, this time, sounding even more concerned.

“Rick… I-I don’t think they are trying to kill us,” Michonne said.

“No.... we are prey,” Rick turned to Eleanor. She showed her fear to him, a fear ingrained to her since the beginning of the outbreak. He understood what it meant, and his face showed the concern it deserved, “We have to find a way to get pass the bullets, if we keep following the tracks they want us to follow… we’ll be as good as dead,”

“We can run into the bullets,” Protested Michonne

“They want us alive!” Eleanor insisted.

“There,” Daryl cut the discussion short, and ran to a door, but before he could reach it… they closed it.

“Over here,” Rick said and walked out of an open door

“No! Wait! Rick wait!” Eleanor called again, but she was ignored. Carl stayed behind for a moment, urging her to move. Eleanor reluctantly followed, and couldn’t help but notice once more a door painted with the letter A.

She was right, the barrel of bullets kept coming, right next to their feet. Stubbornly, she tried to jump over them, but rick pulled her back to them… and that’s when they arrived to one dead end. It was the fence, but from the other side, a line of people was aiming at them.

The hunt had ended, and they were trapped.


	2. Domesticated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trapped inside Terminus, Rick and his group start plotting a way to escape the twisted people of Gareth, a cannibal who has no qualms in looking at other humans as nothing more than animals.

Eleanor saw Michonne be consumed by darkness before she swallowed some saliva. She was trembling, she couldn’t help it. Ellie took a breath, and despite the imperious need to turn and look behind her, she stood her ground and slowly entered the train cart.

It smelled foul, like a mix between human odor and unwelcome fluids… just like an animal cage. From the ceiling of a building, Gareth’s voice echoed and traveled to her ears.

“Okay! Go in Kid!”

She turned in a rush, Carl fell in her opened arms just as fast. They hugged, and Eleanor only spared a moment to look back at the entrance of the train cart before Alex closed and locked it… leaving them all in complete darkness.

“Carl! Carl,” Rick called, anxious. Without disentangling himself of Eleanor, he stretched a hand to reach his father. Soon enough, he touched the leather jacket and Rick hugged Eleanor and Carl, not caring if they had stayed together.

“Rick? Ellie?”

Her eyes were adjusting to the change of light faster than expected. Eleanor tensed, and the hug turned into a protective shield. From in between the shadows… a young man emerged, his voice sounded unsure but familiar, and when Eleanor could see his face, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She walked past Carl, and she huffed.

“Glenn?” she asked, and on the car appeared Sasha, and Maggie and bob, her reluctant smile turned into a yelp and then into a wheezed laugh. “it’s Glenn…. A-and Maggie! A-and Sasha and-,” She walked over and without thinking much, she opened her arms to a welcome hug. With a huff and a smile, Glenn moved to hug her back.

Eleanor tensed for a moment, but she willed her uneasiness down. This was Glenn.

Her eyes centered on Maggie, and she moved to hug her instead. She giggled and Eleanor let out another laugh, overjoyed.

“I’m so glad you all are alright!”

“Not that alright,” Sasha complained, but smiled at her own welcome hug.

Eleanor’s gesture was an ice breaker. Rick walked over too, and moved to shake Glenn’s hand. Michonne hugged Maggie, and Carl shared a look with Bob, who shook his hand instead. That’s when Eleanor’s gaze looked forward and noticed they were not the only ones inside the train cart.

A man with red hair, two young women, a guy with a mullet, and a couple curling on a corner.

Her smile disappeared, and she looked at the strangers with a confused and mistrustful gaze. Sasha moved to part, and she looked behind in a frown, then she let out her breath and smiled.

“These are friends,”

“Friends?” Asked Eleanor, from behind her, Glenn started explaining.

“Yeah, they helped us when we escaped from the prison;” he said moving back and looking at Eleanor, he extended his hand to signal “This is Abraham, Tara and Rosita,” Glenn nodded “And Eugene,”

“He-hey…,” Eleanor said with a shy smile, “My name is Eleanor, and this is Carl, Rick, Michonne and Daryl,”

“If you are their friends they you are our friends too,” Added Daryl with conviction. Rick nodded saying the same.

“Then you are our friends too, as long as it may be,” Abraham said with a defeated and tired gaze. Eleanor eyed at Glenn, who had that same worn out look. Right, they were trapped inside a train cart like animals… to be eaten by the people at Terminus. Eleanor took a breath, and her face changed from unease to determination.

“No,” she said, and Abraham turned to look at her, “If they think they had outsmarted us, they are wrong,”

“Eleanor is right,” rick said, putting a hand on her shoulder and moving to look through the small gape on the cart door, “They are going to feel pretty stupid when they find out they are messing with the wrong people,”

Silence followed after that, but Eleanor could see there was a renewed flame inside Glenn, Maggie and Sasha. The others looked confused, but on board with any plan that could get them out of there. With that thought in mind, Eleanor turned to look at the couple that were now standing up. Abraham turned to look at them, and then at rick.

“These are Jamie and Angela. For their sake, I hope you are right,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> _How long have you been here?_
> 
> _A couple of weeks. We found the messages along the road, and headed to terminus. Then, it was just as you did, they tricked us, and made us enter the wagon once we started suspecting._
> 
> _They never even let us react, they started shooting and we had no choice but to run._
> 
> _When Abraham noticed they were not actually trying to hit us it was already too late; we ended up like you, with no way out._
> 
> _Jamie and Angela had been here for far longer. They don’t talk much but they are inoffensive, I’ve tried to make them open up but they are scared. They trust no body; I think they know exactly what will happen to us._

Ricks snoring was not the only thing that was keeping her awake. Abraham, as it turned out, was also prone to snoring. Eleanor smiled, looking at the red haired giant sprawled against one corner of the room, the girl Rosita leaning against him. Tara was close by, some steps away, curled into a ball. Eugene was farther away, constantly tossing and turning, now that was a guy who hasn’t slept on the floor often. Finally, the couple Jamie and Angela were still on their corner, curled around each other. Eleanor had no way of knowing if they were in fact sleeping, or only waiting for them to sleep.

That was one side of the train cart. In the middle, rested the people they knew. Maggie curled against Glenn, who had a protective hug; Bob against a wall and Sasha not too far away, sleeping soundly on the floor. Rick was on a corner of their own side of the cart. Michonne on the other, as far away as possible. Daryl was sprawled next to rick, and that left the center for Carl and her.

It was interesting to look at the disposition; it showed with ease the real alliances that existed. Being Glenn and Maggie the intermediaries of the strangers. Strangers they had come to trust in. It gave her a sense of security, it appeared that Abraham and Rosita were actually military, and that meant they were capable. At least, there was manpower to find a way to get out.

She turned to her right and looked at the walls of the train cart for the tenth time. Her nails scrapped the surface, as if convincing herself that the wood was still there, and it hadn’t turned to metal on the course of night.

That meant she could eventually pull out her Karambit and carve her way out of there. But… were they being watched?

It was hard to know how isolated they were inside this box. She hated closed spaces like this, specially knowing she couldn’t come out any time. It brought her memories of the camp in Florida; and the people that at the time destroyed her happiness.

“Your thoughts are not letting me sleep,”

With a groggy whisper, Carl stretched and turned, lodging his head in the space formed by her legs and stomach. His sheriff hat was over his head, and Eleanor giggled, lifting the hat. It was completely dark, but Carl winced and groaned again.

“How did you know I was awake?” she whispered back. With a continuous movement, Carl sat up, and rested next to Eleanor.

“You are tensing your muscles; it’s like sleeping in a moving car. Had a bad dream?” he asked, not hiding the concern in his voice. Eleanor smiled again, and looked at the others sleeping.

“No… not a bad dream. My mind is just overdrive,”

“I’d rather not think too much about it. Seriously,” Carl commented, scratching his eyes, “Of all the things in the world… cannibals. And I thought that the worst that could happen would be the bikers-“

“Yeah well, those are two different kinds of problematic,” she cut him off. Carl wide-eyed at his slip, and looked to the side troubled. Eleanor noticed, and the guilt started to build up on her, she moved and let herself slide further down, and her head ended up resting against Carl’s shoulder. “We need to find a way to escape soon, I have a feeling… they have been doing this for a while. They are organized; a simple tactic won’t cut it this time around,”

Carl hummed, and he looked at the other side of the wagon. His gaze seemed lost, but Eleanor had an idea to where he was looking. She wanted to ask, but before she could, Carl whispered, "how long is 'long before'?" 

"You mean; how long have they been surviving this nightmare?" 

"They look like they have been like this for far more than months. How long does it take to die from starvation?" 

"Remember your number-3 rules," Eleanor said lifting her fingers one by one, "3 minutes without air, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water and-" 

"Three weeks without food," Carl ended for her. “But that’s still less than a month, they don’t look starved to me,” he said, frowning, “Does that mean they are being fed?”

“And now you know why I can’t sleep,” commented Eleanor with a little smirk. Carl had always been a smart child, and he only took seconds to connect the dots.

“They have to open up the cart for that!” He said with excitement, she impishly smiled… “That means we have a chanc-,”

“You two, shut up and go to sleep,”

Carl and Eleanor turned to their left, Rick’s growl was almost a whisper, he hadn’t even opened his eyes and Eleanor wondered if he was even awake. “You’ll wake up everyone,”

Eleanor covered her giggles the best she could. Carl smiled, and decided to lay down completely on the floor. Eleanor took a while longer to calm down, and she let herself be dragged down once she wasn’t feeling like she was drowning.

A small silence ensued she put the sheriff hat over Carl’s head and tried to find a comfortable position… but the hat suddenly came into her field of vision. She tried to turn her head but it bumped with another one; then, she could feel Carl whispering in her ear.

“I have a pocket-knife hidden in my hat,”

The hot hair prickled against her ear, and she had an involuntary shiver; nevertheless, she smiled and whispered back, “good. I have one on my boot,”

She heard Carl huff amused and then to rest further apart. With a muffled ‘good night’, he turned to rest on his side, and she closed her eyes… still smiling.

Eleanor wasn’t sure if it was because she was tired, or because she knew she was sleeping next to Carl... but she felt safe, and she had no nightmares. To a certain extent, she was scared of sleeping, and finding that the incident in the forest had taken a part of her, just like other moments of her life after the outbreak; moments that will translate into nightmares, memories that will haunt her for the rest of her life. Instead, she dreamed of nothing and because of that, she woke with a startle when she heard the loud sound of something falling inside the cart.

“The fuck!” she heard coming from the other side. It was Abraham. The others also rose, asking what was happening. Carl scrambled fast into his feet and Eleanor noticed the moment they were locked again.

There was a trap door at the ceiling of the cart, and they had thrown the food from up there.

Eleanor and Carl shared a look before they closed in onto the things that now piled on the floor. A trapdoor, it was something they didn’t count with, but adjustments could be done… in the end, they were right and there were means to get out of that box. 

“What is that?” Asked Michonne, as they approximated reluctantly.

“It’s food,” Daryl stated the obvious; and Rick approximated with more interest. It was understandable, since at least they had been almost starving for the past couple of days. Still, Eleanor couldn’t help but wait and see what the others did.

Abraham, Glenn and Maggie… they weren’t even budging

“They give us some food every week or so,” Glenn explained, and the room fell silent again. Eleanor knew that finally Rick understood, why they were being fed, and his initial enthusiasm died pretty quick. Eleanor sighed, and kneeled next to it, starting to assort the food.

“The fact that we eat for every two or three days won’t get us any fatter,” Eleanor commented, there was only one can of tuna, and it had that opening ring; she opened the bag of crackers and started separating them on even counts. “They only want us alive to eat us instead,”

“Eleanor,” warned Rick with an admonishing tone. She turned to him and glared.

“I’m only saying the truth! If we are to escape this place, we need to be strong. Rick… we haven’t eaten well in weeks, are you going to reject it just because of what it means in the end? Whatever it meant for them is not important to us. What we do with our lives is for us to decide,”

“You talk big for a little girl,”

She glared at Abraham, who despite his comment, reached over to take his share. Rosita followed suit, and then Eugene. The others seemed more convinced and took the food with less reluctance. Carl eyed the can and then turned to Eleanor, she understood what he was thinking, but she shook her head.

Only two rations remained untouched. 

Eleanor sighed, and lifted those two rations. On a corner, Jamie and Angela remained unmoving. They turned their gazes to Eleanor as she walked to them and kneeled at some distance. With a smile, she put the rations on the floor… but, instead of leaving, she sat on the ground in front of them.

“You need to eat,” Eleanor began, but she got no answer. She let out another sigh, “but I said… all of it, is true, we’ll escape,”

“no… you won’t,”

Eleanor wide-eyed, and she noticed the sudden lack of rustles behind her. It was the man, Jamie, who talked. His hair was blond but with the dirt on top it looked like a light brown. He was glaring at her, a protective hug over the woman… Angela, with Asian factions. Eleanor took a deep breath and smiled again, “What do you mean?... Is there something you know that could help us?”

“…” Jamie said nothing, and didn’t touch the food either. It was going to be hard, Eleanor thought, to get them to open up and share information. So, instead of insisting, she rose to her feet saying that she would leave the rations there for them if they ever change their mind, and walked away.

Carl tapped the space beside him and she limited herself to eat her share. She tried her best to not eat it all at once… since there was a possibility she would feel sick later; it seemed that Rick and Michonne thought the same. Daryl however, was not afraid of such a petty thing, and ate with gusto as if it was another meal back at the prison. That last thought sent a pang of pain on Eleanor’s heart, and she turned her gaze upwards… to the trap-door.

It was at least a meter over her head, so she couldn’t reach it alone. They had to be prepared to jump them before hand; or force them to come down to inspect something.

Eleanor looked to her sides, and she crawled to the door of the train-cart. Just like before, there was a narrow opening that formed thanks to the slide of the door. She pressed her body against the wall, trying to look at something past the opening. The light that shone from there was already strong, and her efforts rewarded her with a look of the sky… it was bright blue, so it wasn’t dawn… nor was it twilight.

“It’s useless,” Eleanor turned to Abraham, who had been watching her actions. “We already checked for openings we could exploit, the cart is intact,”

Eleanor, as a rule of her own, often stopped herself from making harsh judgments of character... specially before she got to have more interactions with a person. In other words, she liked to have an open mind. With all that said, Abraham was starting to get on her nerves.

“Well, my intention was not looking for a way out to begin with,” she answered back and turned to Glenn, “Glenn… when they gave you food, the last time, did you notice if it was in the middle of the day?”

“Not really… sorry,” he said discouraged, but his expression lightened up again, “But there was a lot of movement outside, and the bits of light that we got looked a lot like these,”

“So they have a pattern…,” Eleanor said with a satisfied smile. “That will give us chance to prepare and jump them once they open the trap door-,“

“And how do you think that will go exactly?” asked Abraham again, “If we don’t succeed they will change the time they bring out food. I told you already, the carts are always being guarded,”

“And how are you so sure?” she asked annoyed.

“when we entered… there were empty plates discarded on the side of the cart,” Rick intervened, Eleanor turned to him “It could be that they feed us at the same time they eat, so there is really no way to hold a plan like that without alerting them,”

“At night time,”

All of them, Abraham… Eleanor and even Rick turned back to the corner where Angela had just talked. She was still curled against Jamie, but her voice was distinct, Eleanor couldn’t recognize it, it was raspy and tired.

“At night time? What do they do at night time?” Eleanor said with a soft tone, crouching and getting closer to them, “It’s okay, please… trust us,”

Abraham scoffed to the side, but Eleanor ignored it. She flashed her best smile at Angela, and the woman hesitated for a moment before saying, “They take people away at night time, when we sleep… or then they force us to sleep, the open the great door… and take two,”

“Angela,” Jamie said, and the woman immediately shut up.

“no, wait, wait!” Eleanor said, a little desperate, “I get it, at night time… but how often does that happen? Once a week, just like with the food?”

“It’s no use, they don’t have a pattern for that.” Jamie was the one to finish, “They get hungry, and they pull out people. That’s what will happen now to us,” he said looking down, and Eleanor realized the anger was actually fear. “We are the ones that stayed longer in here, so we are the next,”

“Don’t think that way, we’ll stay alert and make them think they managed to subdue us… it it’s night then there won’t be much people-,“ Eleanor began with hope.

“Hey little girl, leave the man alone. Even if you were to stand watch all night, we need to think of a tactic to-,”

“I’m starting to get tired of your attitude!” Eleanor spat back, and walked to him “I don’t see you giving any concrete options, so why do you keep squashing down possibilities we haven’t even explored!” She raised her voice, and before anything else was said, Rosita stood in front of Abraham.

“Back off!” she menaced

“No, YOU back off, unless you have something else to say that could actually be used!” Eleanor said back.

“Eleanor,” Rick said from behind her, but she was really at the end of her rope. She had been assaulted, denigrated, incarcerated and now mocked. She had had enough of men looking down on her, on what she was capable off… and only looking her as a defenseless female. She might have been almost raped, but she wasn’t defenseless.

“Little girl? You are the one talking big! Saying that everyone’s safety is in our hands since we don’t want to die. But as soon as we try to do something about it you back off and start criticizing. If you don’t have anything constructive to say shut the hell up!”

“You are no-one to tell me to shut up!” It seemed that reached Abraham faster, his face got red, and he stretched to his full height, pushing past Rosita, he walked over to Eleanor, “I swear to you, brat! Keep baiting me and you’ll regret it!”

Involuntary reactions work as a defense mechanism. Despite her frustration and despite her anger; once Eleanor saw Abraham walking directly to her, her fight or flight instincts flared up… but she didn’t fight.

As if she were about to be killed, her face turned into complete terror. She suddenly had no voice, and she scrambled back as fast as she could until her back hit the wall of the cart with a loud thud; her hands were raised, trying to cover her face… her left cheek itching and burning as if she had just been hit again.

She couldn’t register what happened. Only that there were people talking. Abraham stepped back, and Rosita was the one who was shouting. Carl had put himself as a shield for Eleanor again, and she started to fight the reassuring embrace that Michonne was offering.

That’s when she finally accepted that she wasn’t alright, that she had been assaulted, that she had been looked down upon and that she no longer felt she could be capable of confronting people regardless of their height or strength.

She felt defenseless.

The day passed by, and she made no more efforts to try and find a way out. She was not spoken to, and she remained sat against a corner of the train cart until it was night time, until the trap door was opened once again, until they threw inside some kind of smoke bomb, until she was pulled to her feet and a gauze with chloroform was pressed against her face, and she lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to everyone! I hope you are liking it so far.  
> As I've said in some comments, I thought that the Terminus Arc had some potential to be something bigger... and the actual appearance of Carol, though bad-ass, as by my personal standards a Deus ex machina. I don't plan to make it span out for half of Book 5 either, but let's establish how far can Rick & Co go... related to how far Gareth & Co are also willing to go.


	3. The tale of Delilah

Eleanor woke to a strident and continuous sound, something similar to a machine or generator. Her throat was sore and she had shallow breathing. The astringent smell of the smoke bomb was still present in her nose, and her mouth somehow felt sweet and dumb. That specific detail made her realize that she had been knocked down with chloroform. She groaned and tried to move, and a barrage of needles coursed from her calves to her lower back. She shifted position, and the sensation was only more intense.

She had been left in this position for too long.

Next, she tried to move her hands, but they were tied behind her back; instead, she tried to lean on her side and stretch her legs, while blinking rapidly. Soon enough, her surroundings were no longer covered in a foggy blanket... but that gave her no relief. 

She was not in the train-cart. This was a square room, the air was chilly and damp, and she couldn't see the sealing, nor where it ended. The windows were small and too far up to let inside enough light. A coppery sent reached her nose and she restrained a gag. Her eyes landed at the center; and she froze in fear at sight of a large rectangular basin sitting before a line of kneeled people. Eleanor shivered, Jamie and Angela were at the end of that line. Despite the cord that was on her hands, she tried to back away and collided with something. She yelped, and was about to fall, until someone grabbed her by the shoulders and kept her steady. That person was behind her, so she couldn’t see who that was.

“It’s okay, it’s just me,”

It was Alex.

Eleanor bit down a panicked gasp, and her attention turned to the people in front of the basin. Some were moving and some looked pretty much resigned; some seemed malnourished, others looked healthy.

“Two from wagon D, four from C, Two from B and… two from A,”

Wagon A, she was from wagon A. They were three… why were they not counting her? She couldn't recognize the people that were talking, both of them had long plastic coats and one had a metal bat… the other one a long knife. Eleanor paled when the eyes of the one with the bat landed on her and he swung his bat back and forth.

She heard muffled protests, the people on the line were gagged and tied by the hands and feet… and that’s when it all started.

One by one, they were knocked out, and then their necks were cut. It was the guy with the mental bat that hit them clean on the back of the head, then, the other one lifted the unconscious head and made a clean cut across the neck. The blood poured out and down the large basin, then down the drain. Eleanor shivered again, it was so horrific… and yet so orderly. She remembered her last year at college, when they started visiting the nursery where they kept the animal models for experimentation. Once the animals had served their purpose, they were knocked out and killed too; they were either treated with chloroform and the neck was cracked, or injected with drugs that first sent them to sleep, then stopped their hearts. It was considered ethical management.

She wanted to vomit.

“Stop, wait for them to drain,” that was Gareth’s voice. Eleanor tensed and searched him through the small crowd. He emerged from in between the shadows, folder and pen in hand. “Check the saw, its clogging a little,” he mentioned and the guy with the bat walked away, to where Gareth had emerged from. Then, he turns and his gaze lands on her, that calculating gaze he sent her way when they first arrived at Terminus. Eleanor tried to back away, Gareth grinned “Well! Wakey, wakey, Eleanor! I hope the chloroform wasn’t too much,”

She said nothing, and watched Gareth’s movements closely. He walked over to her and she tried to back away… but to no avail, Alex kept her in place, so she hunched.

“You know, you made quite the ruckus back there at the train cart,” he commented and crouched to be at her level. “Why were you so upset? I didn’t think you had it in you to shout like that,”

She resisted a frown… what was that guy implying? how did she appear to him at all? Her mind started working overtime, trying to assess what this guy was getting at, and a recent memory plagued her mind.

> _You talk big, little girl._

“I-I… I panicked,” she said, with a shaken voice, “I don’t do well in small places, and with… so much people. Not after… the woods,” she said, unsure.

“The woods?”

“yes,”

She saw Gareth’s hand and she flinched when his fingers touched her chin, he put some pressure and she let her face be lifted.

“Were you attacked at the woods?”

> _He’s been looking at you a lot_
> 
> _I’ve noticed, we could make him our friend._

Eleanor let her face show sorrow and shame. She nodded, and looked down. She heard Gareth let out a sigh, and he released her chin. Eleanor sniffed, but followed his movements closely… she let out a defeated huff, and a pitiful smile.

“What will happen now? Will I die?”

“Is that what you want?” he asked. She wasn’t looking at him, so she missed them moment he signaled his friends to finish the job. Only the pleads of Jamie and Angela gave her the hint that they were killing the ones that remained.

“I don’t want to be eaten,”

“Who wants to be eaten!” he asked and laughed. Eleanor looked at him, willing her face to remain scared and unsure. “Look closely to the people here. Lucky for you, you don’t make an even number,” he said and the screams were completely silenced. Then, the ones that had been killing the people, dragged the first ones away from the basin. Eleanor couldn’t see where, but she felt the clang of a metal table, and once again that strident sound she confused with a generator. A saw…. She started to panic again.

But Gareth said she wouldn’t be killed. They only killed ten each time? Is that what they usually consumed? She sensed movement to her right and she turned, some of them were leaving clothes inside trash containers.

“You know, I didn’t like your group from the start. They looked…” Gareth made a flourish with his hand “Hardened. They looked dangerous. But you,” he said, and his expression showed pity. Eleanor knew better, and she showed the surprise he was expecting, “See? It’s there again,” he made a gentle smile, and signaled with his pen, “You are different. I can see it in your eyes; despite all you’ve suffered, you are still hoping there are good people out there,”

A vanity protect? She frowned, and meekly asked “You… you talk as if; I mean, the way you welcomed us, the way you are with each other. Have you suffered something that has moved you to stop hoping?”  
  


“Something like that. Let’s just say, a broken person knows when others are broken,” he said, and walked once again to her.

It was at that moment that Eleanor decided to make a bold move. She backed away in haste, but instead of bumping and fighting against Alex’s strength, she turned to curl against him, searching for his protection. She looked over her shoulder in mock fright and ignored the feeling of disgust that menaced to overtake her.

It worked, Gareth stopped walking, and looked surprised. But then, he smiled and raised his hands in signal of peace, kneeling in front of her. They looked at each other and he said suddenly.

“Let me tell you a story,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“OPEN UP!! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!! OPEN THIS FUCKING SHIT UP!?!”

Carl snarled with another kick at the door of the train cart. After the first tirade of obscenities, his father stopped trying to calm him down by words, and now, he resorted to reduce him instead. He hugged his son from behind, and Carl screamed and struggled to break free… kicking the door when he could, then only kicking the air.

“Carl…”

“Don’t you dare touch her!? I FUCKING KILL YOU!”

“Carl stop!”

“I’LL KILL YOU ALL!?”

“Hey! Hey!?” Rick said, measuring how much of his force he could really use. The rest of the cart was silent; the situation would have seemed embarrassing for people like Abraham, or Rosita. After all they were strangers, and they didn’t know how Carl could get.... or how he got when Eleanor was injured back at the prison.

Eventually, his teenage son grew tired of fighting. Carl didn’t sag against his father, but his tugs and turns had less force, and Rick could find the concentration to speak and act at the same time. “Carl, calm down… we have to think this through-“

“Let go of me,” it was an order, but by the tone of his voice, it sounded more like a plea.

“First, you are going to hear me out,” Rick ordered back, “I want you to calm down, because we need to find a way to get out of here,”

“There is no point, they killed her… they ate her,”

“We don’t know that yet,” Rich whispered between his teeth.

“I promised,” Carl said under his breath, his voice sounded broken, but there was still some forcefulness in it… he wasn’t crying. “Let go of me,”

Rick relented, and released his hold on the teenager. Carl immediately walked forward and he collided head first against the sliding door of the cart. Rick berated himself, preparing himself to what it could happen; instead, his son slid down to the ground, and kept looking at nowhere in particular. His gaze was devoid of any emotion.

The former sheriff turned to look around him, and many faces were trying to concentrate on something else. He let out a frustrated sigh, and walked down to his own wall; using his forearm as support, he let his head rest on his closed fist… and his thumb started rubbing a certain spot on his forehead.

It could be dawn, or a little later. When they came through, they had realized that smoke bomb was not your average reducing device. The astringent smell told Rick it was tear gas; that kind of concentration would have been dangerous if it wasn’t for the fact that the cart had decent enough ventilation. Still, a gas such as that could knock out a person on a closed environment and that’s what happened to them. By then, Jamie and Angela were missing… but also Eleanor. That’s when his son started going berserk, and despite all the rage and violence that the child carried around –something that should bother him– he could not really blame him.

There was indeed a high possibility that Eleanor had been killed at this point; but saying it out loud was like calling for disaster. Rick was not one to trust blindly, but he really wished to believe she was alive. Just like when Carl was shot and she had decided to do the impossible for him.

She had to be alive and come back… she simply had to.

Rick was pulled out of his thoughts by a clicking sound. He turned, and noticed that Carl had pulled himself out of his shock. Instead he was moving his hands against the wall, close to the door. Rick let out a worried sigh and walked over to him; he didn’t want to squash his son’s hopes of getting out fast, but wasting his energy in fruitless pursuits was not going to help them either. Rick wished he was more of an emotional supportive parent… but he didn’t even know how to begin.

It was at this kind of moments that he missed Lori the most.

“Hey… son,” he said kneeling beside him and reluctantly putting a hand on his shoulder. “It would be better if you were to calm down and regain your forces, that way…” He started explaining, but his gaze trailed to what the teen was doing and Rick wide-eyed at the sight.

It was a pocket-knife. And Carl was slowly but steadily making a dent on one of the wooden pillars.

“Carl,” his father asked, but he didn’t stop his chore. “Where did you get that?”

The question caught the attention of the others. Michonne walked over and also looked in surprise. Carl turned to his father, he had that annoyed expression still, but now it looked more like worry.

“I'm getting out of here, and I'm getting Eleanor back." he said with determination, not turning away from his job. His father said nothing, only let out a sigh, and Carl spared him a look over his shoulder before he resumed his self-appointed duty, "I had it concealed in my hat this whole time. If they didn't bother to search us properly.. it's their loss." He stopped, he looked in deep thinking, then he continued, "It would be better if you don’t mention it again, or we could get caught.”

It wouldn't be enough to say that Rick was impressed by his son's resourcefulness. 

“You… stupid brat!” Rick heard behind him, it was Abraham “They could kill us all if they-“

“Then if you don’t want to get killed, keep it quiet!” Michonne whispered, walking in between Carl and the giant man “Instead of fighting over and over about one or other thing being too dangerous or too cowardly, we need to work together;”

“She’s right,” Rick said, standing to meet Abraham by eye-level. He nodded with a scowl, “It’s true you don’t know us. We don’t either, but Glenn is vouching for you, and that’s what I’m willing to remember so that I can trust you,” He stated clearly. Abraham took a deep breath, already the flame of anger shining in his eyes, “I wouldn’t expect anything different from you. But one thing I do expect… and that is to cooperate, or to step aside,” Rick opened his palms, and took some steps back “So, what is it gonna be?”

Glenn took some steps forward, but Maggie stopped him. Rosita stood beside Abraham and she glared at the rest of them. Indeed, the atmosphere was tense, but Rick was already tired of this. Eleanor was right, wanting to find ways to escape; she was wrong, about confronting Abraham… but she had passed through a traumatic event, and she was trying to pull through on her own; what if her temper was out of line or not as steady as usual?

He was starting to get annoyed himself, and he wasn’t as forthcoming or patient as she was.

“Very well,” he heard Abraham grunt, after a painful silence, “What is your plan?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When I was a child, my grandmother bought me a little bunny… one of those miniatures that stay cute and cuddly all their lives, droopy ears,” he said with his hands making the mimic, and he smiled fondly at the memory. “Now, my father didn’t like animals, and he often said that things that are meant to be eaten… should be eaten. He scared the hell out of me, never left my white bunny alone with him,” he said with a snicker.

Eleanor paled, and he caught on her expression, “Oh we never ate it, my mother made sure that the bunny was respected,”

That’s not why Eleanor was paling. She looked around her and tried her best to not let her suspicion, her anger, or her outrage show on her face. A pet? Was that going to happen to her? Gareth signaled to Alex with his head.

“It seems you have taken a special liking to Alex, don’t worry… I assure you he has taken a special liking to you too,” he said with a gentle smile, “but we can’t welcome more people, we promised you know… you saw the room while trying to escape.” Yes, she did, never trust anyone again. “However, we had regretted to dispose of some of you that weren’t trying to hurt us, that were scared…. And broken; like you,” he slapped his vended knees “So…! Are you willing to be our pet rabbit?”

Eleanor remained quiet, and looked down confused and scared still. Gareth let out a sigh and stood, she panicked for a moment, thinking that maybe she had overdone it, and that he would change his mind.

These people were insane, but their insanity was giving her a chance to free Carl and the others form that train cart.

“You have all the right to be offended, after all… is this any different of slavery?” he asked with a condescending tone, “Still, one has to think about it, after all… you just said that you don’t want to be eaten-,”

“I had a pet chicken once,” Gareth turned to look at Eleanor, “We called him _Abuelo_ …. It means grandpa,”

“A chicken called grandpa?” Gareth said with a laugh, “What happened to it?”

“The walkers ate it,”

“Whoa… poor, poor grandpa!” he said, breaking in laughter only a moment later. “So, you mean you will do it?”

“A pet?" she asked, and her expression showed only seriousness and gratefulness, "…. Yes, I want to,”

"To tell you the truth, I'm a little excited. You know, many of us here had to leave our pets behind; I had a little Pomeranian called Ditsy..." Alex said animated. However, Eleanor was not interested in a single thing his mouth was spouting. She walked some steps behind him, her hands were still tied; she had a collar tied around her neck, and a leash connected it to Alex's hand. 

Seriously, fuck this guy. 

The people around them looked at Eleanor with pity and contempt. Some even joked with Alex saying that he had finally had what he always wanted. Some seemed reluctant, like the woman that was serving the grilled food when they arrived. Eleanor tensed at her expression and she preferred to use that moment to walk closer to Alex. The poor bastard welcomed the attention, and looked back at the woman, as if wanting to know what was wrong. With a patient smile, he whispered into her ear. 

"It's okay, pets don't eat her own," 

She'll say it again, Fuck this Fucking guy. 

At least, this whole experience was serving her to look at her surroundings with a different light. It was actually so different to the merry facade they had presented them the other day. All of it, it had been a trap. The people still used the things that had robbed from their victims, but now they looked less merry, more vicious... and more dangerous. Eleanor restrained a gag the best she could at the way they voraciously ate away at the meat of another human. Even now, she remembered her father, and the stories she told her some nights... when you could get lost in the wood for weeks, when you hallucinated and ended up eating your own skin.

The people that eat away human flesh are then lost forever. One doesn't know if it's the taste, or the profanity behind it... but suddenly, you don't want to eat anything else. 

As Eleanor suspected, there were different buildings with letters on them. if they were consistent, it meant that each of those paths served them to locate and relocate the people to different wagons. There were buildings that were not named with letters however, and she suspected those were the buildings where they stored something of value. Alex had mentioned that she wouldn't be eating human flesh... but there must certainly be something she must be eating. Her suspicions were confirmed when they stopped at an unnamed building, a small office. Alex tied her leash to a post and with a joke of her not being naughty, he entered the room. 

Eleanor could only catch a small glimpse of it, but it was enough. The small office was where they stored other types of food... and it was filled to the brim. 

He didn’t take long. After some minutes, Alex came out with a bottle of water, a bag of chips and a package with one cupcake. He extended his hands and smiled, lifting his eyebrows and looking at Eleanor’s hands. She folded them to cradle her food, and he untied the leash for them to keep walking.

“So tell me,” he began, and Eleanor resisted the urge to roll her eyes, “How old are you?”

“I’m 25,”

“Whoa! Really? I’m 28!” he said, signaling at himself with his thumb. The he scratched his head, appearing embarrassed, “To tell you the truth… I thought you were 18 or something,”

She forced out a smile “Really? Do I look that young?” he laughed and scratched his head with even more enthusiasm.

“Where were you from?”

“Florida,”

“Cool! And… I mean, is that guy Rick… your dad?”

Eleanor looked down, showing concern. It would be hard, what she could say from here own could doom her or help her. She could say Rick was indeed her father… but that meant the possibilities of betraying them would be big and that would put her in a dangerous position.

Then, she thought of Carl… he must be worried about her; not knowing where she was. His hurt expression appeared on her eyes and her heart broke.

“He’s… actually my uncle,” she lied, “My father was his brother… they were both cops and-“

“Wait, he’s a cop?” Alex said and gave her a little laugh. “That explains a lot,”

“Right?” she smiled, “My father went to New Mexico and met my mother, they returned to Florida and soon after I was born. They used to travel from Atlanta all the way on the holidays. Now, Uncle and Carl are all that I have,”

Eleanor showed sadness and Alex reciprocated with a gaze filled with pity, “I’m sorry to hear that,” He said, and put a hand on her shoulder. Eleanor resisted the urge to jump. “You must miss them a lot,” she nodded…

“But you know, It’s common for pets to get separated after you meet your new family. I’m sure that soon… you’ll forget what happened,”

She was starting to feel sick once again. She took in her surroundings, they were beside the room with the candles and Eleanor got a glimpse of a person leaving the room next to it, he was closing it with a padlock.

The room looked filled with weapons.

She turned to Alex, who was dipping his hand in one garbage cart, he pulled out a pair of jeans, and measured against Eleanor. He shook his head and looked for another one. Eleanor waited patiently, until he offered a pair that was good enough, a new green T-shirt and a dark blue sweater. He blushed when he also offered her a bra.

Eleanor was now carrying food and clothes, and she wondered where would they go next. After the last exchange, she knew she had to play her cards right. She took a deep breath.

“I hope to forget one day, although,” Eleanor hesitated, “I wish I could see Carl one more time, even if only to say good bye,” she let out a sigh. “I wouldn’t dare to ask for so much. I cannot really blame you, for what you are doing, something tells me that this is your way to protect yourselves, and something terrible must have happened for you to be this way,” She began, Alex said nothing, and his look suddenly turned somber. “It’s not your fault,”

“…maybe it is,” he said and looked the other way. It was gone as fast as it appeared, he turned back at her with a renewed smile, “We are here,”

Eleanor looked up. This was the tallest building yet. It looked cleaner, and when Eleanor entered, she noticed it was where a group of them were sleeping. The offices were turned into rooms, some of them were completely opened… a space that for them was secure. Some were closed and Eleanor supposed people were inside. They climbed the somber stairs to the second floor and then walked to the end of the hallway and to the right. There, Alex opened the door to reveal a messy room. Eleanor took a small sniff and looked away, turning up her nose. It was the classical room of a bachelor, and the humidity and lack of windows only preserved the smell of sweat and male spunk.

“I know it’s a little small, and I’ll have to take you out for a walk often,” he joked, but Eleanor chose to not answer this time around. An uncomfortable silence followed and Eleanor remained by the opened door, “Anyway, this place is far more secure than anything. Oh right, here” he said, going to a corner and pulling out a closed bucket, Eleanor could hear the splash of water inside. “I was going to use it, but I can get more later…. I only have a little of soap, but is soft and at least… works good for my hair,”

He glanced at the unruly mat of dirt and leaves that Eleanor had loosely tied at her nape. She chose to blush and smile shyly, looking away.

“Thank you,” silence ensued again. And Alex cleared his throat, bending down to grab some of his clothes and pushing them out of the way to make more space.

“Say,” after a while, he began talking again. “Why me,”

“What do you mean?”

“You grew attached to me… of all people, why?”

Seriously? Eleanor took a flashing moment to choose between blushing or crying. She chose none, and instead showed a troubled yet dejected expression. Alex seemed to doubt his sudden boldness, and looked panicked.

“You remind me a lot of myself; before I left the first refugee camp I was in. Gareth might say that I look like I’m full of hope despite what I suffered, but I don’t think he’s right. I only trust the people that I know had suffered as much as me,” she said, and he looked surprised, “You are like me, even if you don’t trust me fully, you are willing to be kind and give people second chances. You noticed I was scared and didn’t want to be touched… I had just been attacked, and you respected that. You were gentle and considerate.” She smiled, “You moved my heart, I knew that I could trust you,”

He looked away, once again scratching his head and Eleanor could grasp a flash of blush in his cheeks.

“You sure know how to flatter a guy,” he comments and now… Eleanor chooses to show embarrassment, she hides her face in her pink pull over and he laughs pointing at her, “I love when you do that,” he hastily cleared his throat, “a-anyway, I’ll leave you to change, eat and rest. I’ll lock the room, that way you’ll be best protected… nobody has the key to this room except me,” he assured, and walked to the exit.

Eleanor sat on the bed and gave her back to the door. That’s when she noticed a small mirror standing against his closet, one that reflected the door of the office turned into a room.

There was a small window at the middle of the door, and she could see Alex silhouette past it. It was not over.

With a long breath, she moved to pull her pink pullover away, revealing the torn up shirt under it. She looked at the state of it for a moment, before checking once again through the small mirror. Alex was still not moving… so she moved to get herself out of that shirt.

She pulled her torn and dirtied bra along with it.

Her hair became undone by the movement and the dirty but long cascades of brown hair fell on her shoulders, covering her frame, leaving only a glimpse of her shoulders and a teasing line of her waist.

She looked through the mirror and Alex was still there, so she reluctantly moved to turn and look over her shoulder. In haste, his silhouette disappeared.

Only after a couple of seconds, Eleanor moved to stand and fell right to her knees. Her body convulsed, her hand tightly securing her mouth closed as the waves of regurgitation traveled from her stomach to her throat. Closing her eyes, she willed her nausea to calm and then took deep breaths. Her mouth watered, in a desperate way to placate the pain that she was feeling on her stomach because of the exertion. Only after a couple of minutes, she moved to cover the window on the door. Then she walked to the bucket, and starting to wash herself up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was around midnight when Carl noticed movement outside once more. That day, they had started arming themselves with whatever they had at hand, Carl had continued to make his hole and now had an unnoticeable peephole with a perfect view of the building in front of them. They came back and forth from that building, but he knew that it was not the principal, past it… was the room with the candles. He was now thinking of this room since, some of the reflection reached his eyes. Some lights were lit around the buildings, concluding the building they were beside now… and he could only wonder why he didn’t notice them yesterday night.

He also suspected they had gone to that place to pray or whatever they did there tonight, because they were suddenly left without people watching them.

Certainly, these fuckers were insane, but their insanity was giving him a chance to free themselves, and then he could find Eleanor.

His thoughts stopped when he heard the rustles of people walking in his direction, and he tensed. Michonne and Glenn had been standing watch but surely they were asleep by now, they didn’t make notice of the movements.

Carl looked again trough the peephole he made, and his heart stopped.

Like a lightning, all the emotions of the world swarmed trough him. It was Eleanor, she was alive. He was beyond happy, she was alive. But then, he was confused, she was tied up and not alone. He then felt as if consumed by anger….

Fucking Alex was with her.

What was doing that fucker here, of all people. He knew this stupid shit-bag was looking at Eleanor. Then, his anger almost turned to blinding rage, when Eleanor hurried her pace and he noticed some kind of cord coming out of her neck.

A leash.

“Carl, Carl!” she whispered urgently, and the teenager tried to merge himself with the wall of the train-cart.

“Eleanor, I’m here,”

She let out a relieved sigh, she walked closer and then leaned against the wall. Her hand fell right over the peep-hole and he was about to whisper her to move lover…

But something small was protruding from the other side.

Carl moved fast to grab it, of course Eleanor noticed the hole right away. She knew it was not here before and that he had a knife to carve it. Carl only hoped that she had kept her Karambit with her. Hastily, Carl unfolded the little tube of paper and read its contents. He wide eyed, and crumbled the paper inside his hands.

“Carl I’m so glad I could hear your voice… that you are awake, I wanted to talk to you… be able to say good bye properly,”

“What the hell is going on outside,” Asked Abraham. He stood and the others started rising.

“Eleanor we need to leave,” Carl recognized Alex’s voice.

“Little girl? You are alive?” Abraham asked, “Rick, she’s alive!”

His father rose and the people started piling beside the door.

“We can’t stay longer; we need to leave!” Alex urged her.

“I’m sorry Carl, I’m so sorry… but, they don’t want more pets,”

“What the hell is this! What the hell do you mean!” Abraham screamed and kicked. Carl saw how Eleanor walked away and back to Alex. “You little bitch! Traitor!”

They walked away, and Carl had the biggest urge to punch that red head man square in the jaw.

“What is going on? Was that Eleanor?” Asked his father.

“What does it matter! The whore is not coming back for us, she left us behind!” He said alarmed.

Glenn moved to defend Eleanor and a discussion started. Carl let out a sigh, and stood. His father was shouting with Abraham, and Rosita was discussing with Michonne, Tara remained silent with Eugene, and Maggie and Glenn were trying to reason with Abraham.

“You big fat idiot!?”

The conversation stopped for some seconds, Carl took momentum, “Eleanor was not alone, she was talking in code, thick brain,”

“Don’t provoke me you little brat!” Abraham warned. Carl’s father got in front of him.

“She came to talk to me, and you ruined it. Now lower your voice, because she was talking in code,” he said, pulling out the crumbled piece of paper from his fist.

This time around, the silence lasted longer. Abraham tried to snatch it, but Carl hid it in his fist again. “Lower your voice,” he ordered. The big man clenched his jaw.

“What does it say?” he said in a quiet tone. Rick moved away from in front of him and turned to look at Carl directly, the same question in his eyes.

Carl glanced at Abraham for a second, then moved to toss the paper inside his mouth and chewed it down. He heard a gasp, he wasn’t sure form whom. His father looked alarmed, and the red haired guy looked about to throw another tantrum. “We are getting out tomorrow,” Carl assured, “She’s gaining their trust, so keep behaving like a dejected brute. She’ll come get us out,”

Abraham walked away, grunting in annoyance. His father spared an annoyed and surprised look at his son, before this one walked back to his peep-hole waiting for the morning.

_They are keeping me as their pet,_

_Once I find an opening, I’ll strike._

_Be prepared, we’ll be getting out then,_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, i wanted this chapter to be something!  
> I apologize for bullying Abraham so much, but Carl is not Carl without acting out.... and that kid is afraid of nothing!  
> The plan is in movement, next chapter they might get out! The will find help along the way!
> 
> See you in the next chapter ;)


	4. Pack of wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that this is necessary.  
> This chapter contains relatively explicit sexual elements, gruesome death and murder elements. They deserve their mature rating, you have been warned. 
> 
> For those who are over 17 and have seen far worse in the Deadpool movie and haven't been traumatized..... enjoy!!

“I can’t… not yet,”

Carol took a small breath, she gave Tyreese a look, and the black man pulled the little baby closer to him… looking down in shame.

“You are gonna have to be able to,” she concluded, walking back and pulling out her blade; piercing the walker on the head with it. It was a rather recent corpse, so the weight made Carol give in, and fell along with the corpse to the ground. Carol grunted, having hit the train rails with one knee; but she said nothing… Despite the dark, she could hear the rustlings and groans of at least four more. There were probably even more behind those.

She wide-eyed, and stood fast. Tyreese remained beside the metal signal and gave Carol a questioning look. With a mouthed ‘more’ she hurried to rest beside him, and both tried their best to walk away without making too much ruckus. They ran away from the rails and onto the other side of the forest, but it was useless; the walkers were going the same way. Carol was about to stand and move, when the walkers stopped.

It was the sound of gunfire, not too far away.

They decided to stay put, and the walkers soon turned around to follow the new source of sound. Carol could only wonder how far were the people who were firing, but it was no longer their problem. They returned to the railway, and kept on walking.

“That must have come from Terminus,”

“I don't think so. Sounds closer than that, maybe sentinels that were attacked…. Or they were attacking someone,” Carol said, returning to look at the map that came with the metal signal.

“In the middle of the night? Do we even want to find out?”

Carol nodded. Even if she thought that she was better of alone and in the wild… the baby would not resist much more of that kind of life. She eyed Judith, the blond girl let her little legs dangle past Tyreese’s arm and she clutched onto his shoulder comfortably… despite all the ruckus, she was sleeping.

Yes, she was much better off with Tyreese.

“There is another railing down east, that one will take us there,” she let out a sigh and they started walking down east. “Once we find the new railing, we’ll camp. It’s not good if we arrive Terminus on the night. Either way, we’ll have to spy our surroundings for a while before deciding to show ourselves,” Tyreese agreed, and Carol thought that at least for that night, their sleep was going to be restless. They weren’t making good progress… but suddenly, it no longer mattered. They stopped once more when Carol recognized the sound of a walkie-talkie going off.

_*-You'll be screwed over Martin. If you call the walkers to your post before we manage to fire the distraction, no one is going to save your ass*_

It was a guy; he was putting some tubes on the ground… probably fireworks, there was an automatic gun. “I already told you, I fired away from the post. You don’t have to tell me how to work my ass.” He commented and on the other side of the line someone laughed. “I can protect myself just fine... Not like that Idiot Alex, did you see what was he parading around today?” he complained.

_*The girl with the pink pullover? Let Him be, dude; the poor loser hasn’t had someone to fool around with for months*_

He laughed. The young man was beside a small wooden hut, probably a sentinel point. Carol grew worried, Terminus had their sentinel posts pretty much far stretched. They couldn’t be that close yet, that meant that the people of Terminus were well prepared. They crouched to rest behind the house, and looked around. This man, Martin, seemed to be alone.

“Yeah, but that’s because nobody wants him. Even Gareth knows that, that girl clinging onto him for dear life from all people? You know, this is why I get mad a Gareth. He shouldn’t be letting that girl stay, what if she is faking it?”

_*she’s tied up, what could she do?*_

“Those people are dangerous. You saw the black chick with the sword? the bitch looked like a weapon with a weapon,” he joked.

Michonne. They had to be talking about Michonne. Carol signaled Tyreese to stay put and she advanced past the wooden hut. The guy was crouching and giving her his back, so she pulled out her revolver.

_*He’s always been one lazy son of a bitch,”_

“Right, but I told Albert that I want the kid’s hat once they bleed him out-”

“keep your hand of the button and let it go,” The guy went completely silent. Then, he stated talking, and fast.

“You know, you don’t have to do this. We have a place everybody will be welcome-“

“Shut up man,”

“Okay,” he meekly said. Carol didn’t move the gun.

“We are friend with the ‘chick with the sword’ and the kid with the hat,”

“They attacked us. We locked them up nothing more-“

“I don’t believe you,” Carol cut him short. She considered the possibility of gagging him too. The guy Martin was annoying. They tied him up, hands and feet on the front. He leisurely sat on the floor, inside the hut. It was covered in a strange array of cartons and wood planks. Inside, they found more weapons, a radio station, food and erotic magazines.

“Who else do you have; do you know their names?”

“We just had the boy and the samurai, that’s it. We were just protecting ourselves!”

“I. don’t. Believe. You.” Carol repeated. She found a bag with an assortment of flares, more fireworks and a quilt. Carol put a flashlight and the quilt aside; then she closed the bag.

“I have partners out there, in six different directions. There’s a lot of gunfire back at home, we need to set up our charges to confuse the dead ones…” he explained, but then signaled to Tyreese, or more specifically, to Judith. “That’s also good for you two!”

“No, it isn’t. There’s a heard heading towards Terminus right now; We don’t want to confuse them away. We are going to need their help,” she turned to Tyreese. “put him to sleep, don’t pull your eyes off of him,” she whispered to him. Tyreese nodded and Carol walked back to the entrance.

“how are you going to do this,”

“the how is not important,” Carol said and walked out. She could still hear the guy Martin on the distance, saying that she wasn’t going to make it back. Carol just hoped that all this effort will not only save Michonne and Carl.

If Michonne was there… Rick must have made it out. If Carl was there, Eleanor must have found a way to be by his side. She knew she was injured and weak, but that woman had been many times weak before… and she had pulled it trough.

Only a side thought bugged her. Eleanor had a tendency to show herself as a goody two shoes to other people; something told her that the one that was posing as a pet was Eleanor herself. She only had to use the sniper… and she would know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We shouldn't have come here,"

With rushed and forceful stomps, Alex walked away from the train cart. Eleanor struggled to keep his pace; the pressure on her neck making her feel as if she was close to falling flat on her face. 

She wasn't even sure what pulled Alex to test his luck and take her back to the wagon in so little time. It only happened; during the day, her exhaustion had made her fall asleep right after she finished eating. That night, Alex came by saying that they had a chance, and Eleanor could finally leave her previous life behind.

"Alex," she tempted, but her efforts in not making too much noise had her voice drowning in the air. 

"I should have known this was a bad idea; Gareth will be mad," 

"Alex!" She called once again. Eleanor stepped forward, extending her now untied wrists and looping them around Alex's elbow. This one immediately stopped, turning to look at her. Eleanor looked down, forcing herself to hide her satisfaction and show shame instead.

"I'm so sorry... this is all my fault. You have risked so much for me; I-I should have never asked. I promise I will never ask for something like this again," 

Her voice broke at the end. Willing tears into her eyes, she blinked fast and looked away. It seemed to have the desired effect, for Alex looked surprised and he hurried to grab her by the shoulders. 

"No," he rubbed them, Eleanor looked up, "no, no, no, it's not your fault. Don't feel bad okay?" He let out a tired sigh, "it will be fine as long as we don't come here again,"

"I understand," she said meekly. With another sigh, Alex guided Eleanor past the building of block A and onto the main backyard. 

From there, the lights of the praying room were so intense they illuminated the walls of the other buildings. This was the reason Eleanor could visit Carl tonight. Twice or trice a week -As Alex described it- they gathered at night to remember their promises and oaths to each other. Alex had not mentioned the story of Terminus yet, but Eleanor was already making up some ideas. She was partially willing to understand the trauma that such events might have caused, even justify their way of thinking. 

But as soon as she reached the cart and heard Carl tapping the wooden wall, calling her in hushed whispers, her anger fueled her determination with renewed force. 

She was getting them out tonight. 

The building that had the candle-lit room was some steps away. Alex stopped, listening to the repeated mumbling... _never trust again, us first._ Eleanor felt herself shivering, she tugged onto the leash attached to her neck and Alex turned to look at her. This time, the unease was genuine. 

"I would understand if this moment is important to you, but I don't feel ready to share it. Could you please take me back to your room and then return?" 

Alex scratched his head, with a little smirk, he walked to her, "It's okay, this is not...., It's complicated. It's not what you think it is, but it gives us calm and perspective," he put a hand on her shoulders and turned her around, they were going back to his room, "It's not something to participate at the moment, and I don't feel up to it either. Plus, the fireworks will look prettier up there," he said signaling with his arm the second floor. 

"Wait, fireworks?" Eleanor frowned, "What fireworks?"

"Well, okay. In between fireworks and other types of flares," he corrected, "You see, once in a while, a group of walkers come strolling around the woods. We have sentinels to tell if they are close. We found that a good way to avert them is by noise. I guess by now you know walkers move by noise, right?"

Among other things. Eleanor nodded and Alex smiled, "Well, we set fireworks and flares to fire at the same time in different locations that way, the walkers get confounded, they segregate and if some remain then we can take care of them much easier,"

Eleanor raised her eyebrows, "And that works?"

"It has worked until now," he said with a laugh. 

It was absolutely genius. It made much sense, the noise in all directions diverted the walkers away. How come they never tried this at the prison. Ah.... if only they had something so loud as fireworks then... 

Then... 

"And how often do you use the fireworks? You've got that many?" Eleanor said with a worried tone. It appeared that Alex had forgotten everything about the mine cart, for he smile and moved eagerly to explain. 

"It doesn't happen often, but we have a big stash anyway. The train station had many emergency flares of the trains and they even had an old machine to build them. Now I don't know how it works, but Janice does. I'll present you to her later, she manages the gunpowder and everything,"

They even had gunpowder. Eleanor moved to look amazed. 

"Wow, no wonder this place looks so secure. You are very well organized and resourceful!" She exclaimed and Alex filled his chest with pride. 

"We have managed to last until now. It's true that they gunpowder might run short one day, but when that happens we'll figure something out," Alex began to talk about the different type of energy sources they had, and when they entered the building she was in, she noticed that the hallways were illuminated. 

She grew restless, thinking that she would have to shut down the electrical system if they wanted to now be noticed. Alex explained that most of it was fueled by gasoline and natural gas, that they had found a transporting truck intact. There were too many things she could do... she starting doubting herself, without careful planing; she wouldn't not be able to make a swift escape. 

"Okay, here were are," Alex said suddenly, and Eleanor returned back to reality. He was opening the door to his room, and she was filled with a sense of dread. 

Eleanor remained nailed to the entrance, she looked around at dim illuminated room. Alex moved to turn the lights on and she flinched when she did. When was the last time she had such bright light in the night? She covered her eyes, suddenly turning too strong, and Alex did a double take. 

"Are you okay?" 

"The lights, I'm not used to such strong lights in the night... at least, not anymore," she said, rubbing them. Alex cursed and moved to turn off the lights once more. Reluctantly she moved her hands; looking meekly, she smiled. "Thank you," 

"Sometimes I forget you came form the woods," he joked, and looked around. Moving some of the clothes that lay around, he sat on the bed and patted the spot next to him. 

Eleanor willed herself to move and sit at a safe distance. 

"i'm not going to make you sleep on the floor," he said, looking down; "I know what Gareth wants me to think... what he thinks about you. And even if you stay here at the name of "pet", what's important is that you are alive and nothing else. In here, you are not a pet, and we can share the bed if you like... o-or I can find something to share it, I-I promise I won't try anything that you don't want," 

He looked embarrassed. This was different to what she thought, what was his intention to tell her now that it was all make pretend? Did he really think that with a couple of nice words, some food and a couple of smiles she would forget where she was? What would happen to Rick and the rest? Was he so stupid to believe that with a rushed goodbye she was over with the people she had fight alongside for years now? people that were her family?

She had said it herself, that she would wait to find an opening. But right now, she was starting to feel really annoyed. 

"You know, I'm not afraid to say it now. You do look like you are younger than you are; and don't take this the wrong way, but you really needed a clean up," with a hesitant finger, he traced one stray lock of long wavy hair that had escaped from her loose bun. "you are so pretty," 

Yup, she was annoyed. Eleanor looked down as if she was embarrassed. Then she turned with a giddy smile. 

Make up conversation. Stall for time. Bore him to tears. 

"No one has called me pretty in a long time. Actually I was so angry that after the outbreak something so essential as baths and brushes are not even around anymore...! it leaves me relieved, because I've wanted to cut my hair for so many days now... but I never got around it because it was my only pretty redeeming quality left. I mean, without the usual make up and such I would look only two thinks: Like an old hag or a teenager. Not that any of them are a bad thing! But lately it's been so difficult to express your real age. And what a fright! With all the dirt lying around I thought that my skin was going to age faster than myself!" she forced a giggle, "You had me really nervous now, it's like the outbreak never happened and you can flirt and talk to people again like a normal person should. It's been so isolated now, it makes you think-" 

But she felt hands on her cheeks. Intrusion; she tried to move away when a shadow loomed over her and the stale breath of another person blew against her skin and into her nose. 

She could not pretend any longer. With a strength to that point concealed, she grabbed said hands and yanked them away. She used them as leverage and she stood, taking a couple of steps back and crashing against the wardrobe. Trying to move further, Eleanor tangled herself with the clothes on the floor and she fell down, bottom first. 

Alex stood raising his hands in a signal of peace. In between her fast breathing and her raised arms she saw Alex kneeling to her level. Her raw reaction was replaced by another kind of fear; had she been found out? Was it over? Should she run? 

"It's okay, take deep breaths. I'm staying this far okay? Just tell me if you aren't hurt," 

"I-I'm... I'm... not... I'm not-" she was stuttering. For the moment, Eleanor decided to listen to his words. She took deep breaths, and slowly moved her arms away. "I'm sorry," 

"No! My God... I'm a fucking idiot. This is not your fault," he sagged and let his hands fall down too. "I completely forgot that you... damn it!" He grabbed his hair and looked up. 

No, it could not end like this, she couldn't take much more of this... Carl won't take much more of this. Alex wasn't good, he was being nice only to get a reward in the future. This wasn't kindness. Was she convincing herself that her actions were justified? 

Did it even matter? 

Eleanor moved to kneel. Slowly, she crouched over to Alex, who now stood straight and rigid as a board. She stopped, and eyed the man with an inquisitive look. He gulped and she let out a sigh, closing the remaining space between them, and pulling him to a hug. He eased into her touch, but remained gentle and did not squeeze her on answered with enthusiasm. 

"I hate this part of myself, I hate this happened... and I'm terrified that it will be like this for the rest of my life," 

"I doesn't have to be," he whispered, "i promise it won't be that way, you can trust me,"

> _I promise to protect you, so... please, trust me._

"I think I want to sleep now," she said, disentangling herself from Alex and moving to stand. He remained sitting for a moment dazed at the change of attitude. Eleanor didn't bother to explain herself or keep giving away little fake smiles. She pulled out her hoodie and tossed it aside, then moved to unclasp her bra from over her shirt. 

As if she wanted privacy, she turned to look at Alex, and he turned to give his back as fast as he could. 

"Do you have cotton pants that I could borrow? I don't really like to sleep in jeans," 

"Right! I think I have a pair around here," he mumbled, looking around the clothes that were on the floor, "Of course, they are dirty and... well, for a guy so," 

"I don't mind," 

"O-okay," he said back and Eleanor could have sworn he sounded ashamed. Still giving her his back, he moved his arm backwards and passed Eleanor the pants. She moved to unclasp her jeans and made as much noise as possible. She put her boots aside, and looking at Alex's nape, she hid her Karambit in the elastic band of the pants he gave her. 

"I don't mind sharing the bed either," She added, and Alex whipped his head so fast she thought he had broken his neck. "Back at University, some fraternity parties were wild; I ended up sharing a bed with friends... only for sleeping of course, we were all so drunk we didn't even notice," she said with a smirk. 

"Did you finish?" 

"No, I was on my third year," She added and moved to pull up the covers, Alex did the same from his side. They got in and covered themselves, but the atmosphere was awkward, Alex was not making any move, still stiff as a board. So Eleanor moved. She turned and her left leg looped over Alex's torso, using the momentum to sit back up. This one tensed even further, and tried to sit when Eleanor lodged herself over him, straddling him with her legs. She knew it was too dark for him to see her face, so she forgone any fake expressions. She pushed him to lay down again. 

Soon enough, she could feel his erection pressing against her bottom. 

"W-what are you doing?" he mumbled, and gave out a nervous laugh. 

"I just want to leave something clear," She said, and her hands traveled back and forth along his chest. She felt Alex shudder under her and curse; short of breath. 

"A-And what would that be?" he said in the same shaky voice. 

She removed one hand and let it rest beside her. With the one that was still caressing his chest, she moved to pinch on of his nipples, Alex jumped and closed his eyes. 

"One day, i will be able to do this without remembering what happened at the woods. I will do this to my heart's content, with the person I love," She said and the karambit, now unfolded, rose along with her arm. A brief memory of her anatomy classes coursed trough her mind. 

> _Now, if you take a look at this part of the larynx, you'll find the epiglottis and under it, the vocal cords. Also known as the voice-box, this open muscular membrane allows the air to flow and like a flute, makes the sounds that are then modulated by the muscles of the tongue...._

Alex opened his eyes the exact moment that Eleanor let her arm fall, and with deadly swiftness, the curved blade lodged itself right under his jaw. With another fast motion, Eleanor sliced forward along the line of the face until it reached his Adam's apple and with a forceful yank, the blade of the karambit exited the body of it's victim. Alex opened his mouth to scream, but only a gurgling sound came out. 

"I just sliced your vocal cords, we can't gave you screaming," Eleanor said with ice-cold calmness. Panicked, Alex moved to grab his neck with his right hand, but Eleanor stopped him, pinning said hand to the side of his head with her free one, "We can't have that either," 

She let the Karambit fall to the ground, and Alex stupidly tapped the side of the bed, thinking that he could reach it. The blood soaked and soon turned the white sheets completely dark. 

"You must be retarded to think I could be interested in you," with her right hand, she moved to grasp his jaw. The face of complete pain... the tears in his eyes, Eleanor mused... he might have wanted to whine in fear. "Did you think it was enough? That I would forget my family as if I were a dog?" She clenched her teeth, "Did you think I would let you keep him in that train-cart, until you decided to kneel him against that basin? Hit his head with a bat and then slice his neck to bleed him out? Did you think I could smile while I saw you eating away at his flesh!?"

With a forceful yank, she moved the neck sideways, and the blood poured out like a little fountain; Alex was no longer crying, he looked pale and felt cold to the touch. Eleanor noticed he was no longer breathing. 

"I'm not your fucking dog. I only look out for my own," 

Eleanor stood then, and rose from the bed. She moved to the bucket that still lay there and taking out the cotton pants, she used them to clean the dots of blood that her face must have. She moved to put on her bra and her pants once more. This time around, she didn't conceal the karambit, letting it hang against her pocket. She moved to put Alex giving his back to the door and used clothes that were lying around to cover him. Then, she grabbed a bag that was lying around and started looting her surroundings. She found knives, a handgun and a notebook that listed the rounds of people and who had the keys to the armory. 

Packed, armed and ready to leave. Eleanor looked around her and locked Alex's room at her exit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carol moved around without a flashlight the best she could. She had never tried to do this on her own... but she had been told how it was done, how Eleanor and Carl got around the administrative block of the prison back in the day. She couldn't believe it once she heard it, she couldn't believe Rick had allowed his son to go with Eleanor to do something so dangerously pointless. 

She was doing that now, and she no longer thought of it as pointless. 

With a hole in the quilt that guy had along with him, she had made herself a poncho, and with a walker lying around in the mud, she had finished her camouflage. Fearful that the other sentinels might spot her, she had decided to not use a flashlight, and had risked falling into spikes and traps more than once. Still, she was able to locate one side of the fence of terminus and she moved fast to leave the bag she carried on the side, and grab the sniper to look around her. 

She heard screaming and stomping. And moved to look at one of the train carts that lied there. Her scope passed by a tank of gas that she immediately recognized but ignored. 

It was Eleanor. 

She no longer had the pink pullover the others were talking about, but she recognized the long hair of the woman, often tied in a bun and how she tried to stay beside that train cart. She was on a leash, as the guy had said, and another guy guided her away to a building. Carol mused around the fact she could enter and contact Eleanor. 

She also mused with the fact of using that gas to cause complete destruction, but what if she couldn't find the others in the night? That train-cart, were they alone? Were they with more strange people? Will this people scream for help or sold them out? 

Rustles around Carol alerted her to newcomers. She turned and some walkers we going in direction of the fence. The screaming? she hurried to leave her current position, tossing the bag over the fence along with her guns and moving to climb it and reach the other side. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Too many keys. Eleanor cursed, looking frantic around her and moving to try another key. She had managed to find one of the electricity generators and rendered it useless, but it was only one. They couldn't be praying all night and soon, she would be discovered. 

If what Alex told her was right, then she still had half an hour before they fired the distraction. if she made enough ruckus before then...

"Yes!" she whispered and entered the room. I looked to her like an armory before but now... 

She grew mad again. 

There were tables and shelves with not only weapons... things, from people they have killed. Watches, books, accessories, toys. Eleanor clenched her teeth and opened her bag to start guarding ammo, handguns, blades, grenades. She grabbed an automatic rifle and a sniper rifle. She recognized Daryl's crossbow and Michonne's katana. With a sigh and a groan of pain, she moved out of the room and made the slow and painful way to the train cart. 

A glimpse of light caught her attention. It was faint, and it came from the woods. She crouched and hid against a wall and used the scope of the sniper rifle she had to try and have a look. 

She covered her had to not make a gasp. The light blinded her, but she recognized someone behind the fence. More importantly she recognized the light was being purposely lighted and turned off in a rhythmic manner. 

**N e e d h e l p.**

Eleanor rushed to grab a flashlight out of the bag she had, it was a small pocket flashlight but it had to do. She closed her eyes and moved to spell the words on her head. Then, she looked around and moved to light the flashlight in motion. 

_**Who R you** _

it took a while, and Eleanor now opted to use the rifle she had with her. 

**C a r o l**

"Oh. my. fucking. god," she said and a wide grin crossed her face. She took a breath of relief and moved to answer back. 

_**All here . trapped inside wagon.** _

**g u a r d s**

_**Busy. need big distraction** _

**G e t o t h e r s. l e a v e i t t o m e.**

Eleanor smiled, and tried to hurry her pace the best she could. 

By the time she reached the wagon and opened it, the sky was illuminated by a ball of fire. Eleanor fell to the ground covering her ears. There was an immense explosion and she knew that it was Carol. She would remember Rick saying that they better get out and before it was too late, she would remember refusing. 

She was getting rid of this people. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter, I can assure you a loved writing it. Do not fret, next chapter will explain how Eleanor and Rick burn down Terminus.  
> Just going to say.... don't mess with Eleanor! XD  
> That angel face can be the devil's spawn when motivated. 
> 
> If you liked it, leave a comment. If you are new and you are liking it, subscribe and leave a kudo. It helps me keep going forward.  
> See you in the next chapter ;)


	5. The fall of Sodom

It was like an annoying buzz behind his ear, the tap of his own fingers against the wall of the train cart. It was a faint sound, only he could hear it, and that was basically because his nails were too blunt to make any conscious sound. Letting out a bored sigh, he looked through the peephole, but everything remained the same. After Eleanor left with Alex, nothing else happened. How long has it been? hours?.... It felt like hours, but the sky was still too dark, dawn wasn't even close. Probably it had been only some minutes... or half an hour. Eleanor had promised to come for them, but he knew it would take a while. She was gaining their trust first, and just like she predicted, the weak link was Alex. She had to be his friend, make him trust her. That could take a while... but it could also take nothing; it made him remember his younger years... Eleanor could be naturally charming when she wanted to be.

Some part of him hated that. As a child, he mistrusted that open grin of hers because it was just too charming, it won over his dad, Shane, Dale... and many others. Back at the prison he perfectly knew why she often approached strangers with an open expression. It didn't mean she trusted them... but she relished in the fact they didn't consider her a threat. She often used her pretty smile to gain favors as well. He didn't like it, because Eleanor was not malicious and she often ended up with relationships she didn't want to have. This is what happened with Caleb; now that Carl was older... he understood it better. The poor idiot kept on trying to get her attention, he thought Eleanor was just shy... and Carl, for a moments notice, even feared the same. But Eleanor was just too 'nice' to even turn him down. Carl wondered then -and kept on wondering now- what would have happened if, in the end, Eleanor decided to give in. And now, just as he have been then, he felt annoyed. 

When he was younger, the pressure on his heart was there mainly because he worried over Eleanor's safety. Despite thinking the woman was capable, there was a need to think she better stay safe... where he was safe. This kind of pressure he felt now... it wasn't the same. He was not worried, Eleanor was doing what she did best. Moreover, she had a concealed weapon; she could protect herself if things turned south. It's not as if she was getting nowhere... her efforts were rewarded, she appeared harmless enough to be spared and even regarded as a pet. Carl was not worried; but he was still restless. He couldn't explain it; somehow he felt...

Threatened, even challenged.

He could have laughed, the very notion being too ridiculous. There was no real reason for him to feel that way. Alex was not a threat, even less a competitor for anything. And yet, he couldn't stand it... when Eleanor appeared, obediently following him on a leash; or when he grasped her arms and moved her away from the train cart... from him, and Eleanor let herself be moved. It was all pretend, but the image of the power that Alex had over her..., the way that he should feel flattered by Eleanor's undivided attention... 

It made his blood boil. 

Back at school, he religiously avoided fights with other kids... his dad being a cop and all. But right now, he was dying to at least get a bloody nose out of him. 

"Excuse me," 

Carl turned. The fat guy with the 70's style mullet... Eugene, kneeled in front of the wagon's door. He seemed to be fiddling with a corner. 

"What the hell are you doing?" The military woman, Rosita, asked. 

"If I use this shell I might be able to compromise the door," Carl rolled his eyes; he had just said Eleanor was going to get them out. Moreover, his mood was too sour to even bother stepping in that discussion. 

"Leave that, the door slides and the lock is outside," his dad talked instead, "Eleanor said-"

"But how long is it going to take?" It was Abraham again.

"What it has to take," Rick bit out. "Eleanor will come... we only need to be prepared," 

"What if they found out what she's trying to do? What can that little girl do if she has to fight her way out of-"

"She's not a little girl," this time, Carl spoke. He stood and walked to Abraham. "She can handle herself, maybe better than you do. She's armed and she's wicked;" Carl frowned, "when we found you, you weren't this restless. You had given up on escaping... What's the rush now!" He extended his hands

"Carl," his father warned. 

"If there is a chance to get out then... we need to hurry. Every hour we spend like this is another life lost," 

Carl frowned and shook his head. What was he going on about? With a sigh, Glenn stepped forward. "Eugene is a scientist; he knows the cure to the virus-"

"There's no cure,"

"There's a cure, Eugene has it," Rosita answered back.

Carl glared "There. Isn't." He repeated, and turned to look at his father, "I remember; back when we were at the CDC, Dr. Jenner said-" 

"You were at the CDC?" The other girl asked, Carl couldn't remember her name.

"A couple of years ago," Rick began, "before we met Maggie... her family or... Michonne and Bob," 

The mood fell completely. Glenn looked to the side and it just dawned on Carl how few people remained. He looked around him, only Glenn, his father, Eleanor... him. A shiver coursed through his spine; many people were gone; his mother, Andrea, Carol... T-dog, Jackie, Amy. 

He turned and sat once again, he'd rather die first than telling these people about something so private. Abraham grunted and turned around as well, minding his own stuff. The awkward silence remained, until Sasha decided to ask.

"What's the cure... Eugene," 

"Its classified," 

The other way to say all of it was bullshit. Sasha didn't take the answer well, she blinked befuddled. 

"You don't know what's gonna happen," from the other side, Michonne said while looking through the door. 

"What's gonna happen is that we'll get out of here," reassured Maggie. Michonne shook her head, frowning.

"But can't he tell us?" 

"Even if I told you, even of I provided step by step instructions and illustrations and a well composed FAQ... the cure would still die with me," still crouched the guy said really fast. Carl glared, wishing Ellie to prove him wrong. 

"I'm not gonna let that happen," assured Abraham, but Sasha stood and walked to Eugene, this one turned at they shared glances.

"Look you don't owe us anything, not yet. We only want to hear it,"

"Eugene you don't have to," the girl whose name Carl didn't catch moved to say. Even so, Eugene stood, and looked around him. 

"I was part of a ten person team at the human genome project that fight weaponized diseases with weaponized diseases. Pathogenic microorganisms with pathogenic microorganisms; fire with fire," Carl frowned, he was talking so fast "interdepartmental drinks were shared, relationships were made and information shared. I'm keen aware of all the details behind delivery system that kills every living person on this planet. I believe that with a little tweaking inside the terminals on DC we can shift the script and take down 'till the last dead one of them;" 

Abraham smirked. 

"So..., you are going to Washington," Carl summarized. He eyed Eugene suspiciously; something about what he said wasn't right. 'Fire with fire'? As much as it bothered him, he tried to remember Eleanor's words about the disease back at the prison. Now, she didn't have to use so many words to make him understand. Either way, he let it go... and decided to learn that word-vomit by heart, so that once Eleanor returned, he would recite it to her and she would tell him for sure it it was all bullshit. 

"She's here," said Michonne, and Carl stood in a jump. He rushed to help the black woman slide the door open, and once there was enough space, he jumped down. 

From the other side, he barely spared a moment to register a rifle and a sniper rifle... before he awkwardly circled his hands around Eleanor.

"Ow," he said and she giggled. He parted and spared a moment to look at Eleanor and fish out possible injuries. However, he was distracted; the woman bumped her forehead against his and he smiled, doing the same. The noise behind him made him remember where he was, and with a faint blush, he moved to take the rifle and the sniper rifle out of her shoulders.

"Which one is mine?"

"The rifle is for your dad,"

"And the sniper?"

"I call dibs,"

"Party pooper," he complained and Eleanor grinned. With a sigh of relief, Eleanor incorporated to her full height and then took Carl by the hand, dragging him to rest under the shadow of the building.

"I can return and search for another one if you want-"

"As if! Just shut up and give me the 'better than nothing' weapon," He jested back and she giggled. 

"Eleanor, are you alright?" Rick moved to grasp her nape and also inspect her for injuries. She smiled and shook her head, the Police officer nodded serious, "Where did you get all this? The armory? What about the guards... they didn't see you?" Eleanor took that chance to pass Rick the rifle, and he checked the magazine. 

"They are at the room with candles. The prayer time will end soon and they'll come back. Carol will make us a distraction and then we will be able to sneak out in the confusio-"

"Carol is here?" It was Daryl, he jumped down and helped himself to the crossbow. 

"Yes, she's outside," Michonne greeted her with a hug and a thank you, taking back her katana. Once Eleanor was debarrassed of the bigger weapons, she moved to open the backpack that at that point she was dragging, and started giving a gun and a knife each. Glenn and Maggie thanked Eleanor with a smile. Sasha commented that she was just in time and Bob said nothing more, only a smile. The awkwardness returned when Rosita, The other girl and Abraham approximated to also reclaim their weapons. Carl couldn't help the chagrin that formed in his chest, they better not complain or ask more of Eleanor. 

"It looks like you are full of surprises, little girl. Thought you would leave us here," 

Eleanor rose and rubbed her middle back. She smiled sweetly at Abraham. "I won't leave my people behind. Lucky for you, you were on the same train cart," 

Carl couldn't help it, he smirked in satisfaction. Abraham frowned but said nothing, taking what was offered. He then turned to head to the fences and Eleanor stepped forward, graving him by the shirt.

"We can't go yet,"

"look... kid. Thank you for this, but from this point on we take charge or we take different ways,"

"Ugh, you don't understand! Any moment now, Carol will-" 

But Carl had been distracted by a strong light. Then, Eleanor's voice was engulfed by a large noise and the floor shook around him. Carl fell to the floor, along with the others. Blinking, he moved to grab his ears; they hurt, and were dulled, he couldn't hear anything apart from an annoying whistle and muffled sounds...; when he tried to stand, he felt as if he was falling over. Flashbacks of the day the governor attacked the prison returned... but this explosion was far, far worse. It was not a tank. The smell of smoke made him turn and look at the sky. In between the black night, there was an orange light, and from it rose a large column of grey smoke, it came from a place really close to their location. Carl realized his ears started to return to normal when he could hear the groans of the people around him. 

"What the hell was that?" Asked Glenn, also grabbing his ears. 

"The distraction. Carol decided to blow up the gas tank," Eleanor explained also with a face of pain, she stumbled her way back to the train cart, and closed it "We need to move, the walkers that are in the woods and the people of Terminus will meet each other, and we'll make our escape the other way," 

"You know which way?" Asked Sasha and Eleanor gave her a troubled expression. 

"I'm at least sure of half of it..." Abraham was moving to complain, but Rick put a hand in her shoulder. 

"Half is enough, we can deduce our way from there," He turned to Abraham, "Are you willing to follow us?"

The tall Irish looking man had a moment of deep thought before he accepted. With that, the others that belonged to his group also lined to follow his father and Elle. This one, signaled to the right instead of the entrance to the A building, and in between the shadows, they advanced. Carl was directly behind Eleanor, and then his father was behind him. He preferred this disposition, that way, Elle would be concentrated on finding out the way out instead of being too attentive of guards. They rounded the A building and then arrived to a backyard. Carl wasn't sure if he had been by this part of Terminus, but a foul odor had him covering his nose with the back of his shirt. He heard a gasp beside him and Carl turned, It was the girl, she looked to the right horrified. He followed her gaze and also paled. In between the moon light, he though he could see bones... But, they were different than animal ones. He knew, because the rib-cages he saw could have belonged to a young pig, but there more narrow, and resembled far more the models he had at the science lab back at school. He shivered, and looked at Eleanor, who didn't spare them a second look. She raised her hand in form of a fist, and Rick and Abraham immediately stopped, the others took a while to notice. 

"What happened?" Rick asked in a whisper

"We need to hide in the dark," She said, and signaled to a corner, right next to the rib-cages. "There, lets move," 

"Wait, Eleanor," Maggie tempted, "This place is..."

"Just ignore it, we need to hide now," 

Just ignore it? Carl raised his eyebrows. He followed fast with his father and Michonne; the others took a moment of reluctance before advancing. Once he reached the corner and crouched, he noticed that the 'scientist'... mullet guy, had stayed petrified at the fence with the bones. Abraham stood and with a forceful yank, he dragged Eugene against the wall only seconds before a group of 4 armed people passed by running in the direction they just came from. 

Carl held his breath, the people were frantic because of the fire. One of them asked what happened, and the other said that it was all strange, a generator was not working. One justified that maybe there was a malfunction and that caused the explosion, that they would have to use the one next to the treasure room. Carl frowned, What generator? What treasure room? he turned to Eleanor to ask her what was all about, but he stopped. 

She was rising back up. She had let the sniper rifle hang form her arm, and was holding a grenade instead. 

"Okay, where to now?" Asked Daryl. Eleanor signaled to the left. 

"You'll head straight until you reach the building with a 'D' on it. When you get there, find a dark place to hide, preferably outside of the building and wait for me," 

"What? where are you going?" His father asked right after. 

"The generator, I have to take it down," 

Hushed protests rose fast. 

"You can't leave us like that!"

"What if they find us!"

"I'm not in for this, we need to return and go trough the fence we left behind," 

With a forceful sneer, Michonne shushed the people around her. Rick turned to Eleanor once again. "What are you really planning? The generator cannot illuminate the exterior. Why do you want to take it down," 

Eleanor looked at the former sheriff, but said nothing. It seemed his father wasn't completely sure what she was getting at, but Carl didn't need more explanation. He understood. Eleanor was not a person to involve in needless violence; despite his protests, he knew she would prefer to leave a dangerous place as fast as possible. But this time was different. 

These people..., Eleanor was determined to disappear them for good. She had never killed willingly another living as he had; probably only in self defense. Carl didn't think she knew the feeling his father had been trying to erase from him; the power to judge.... and yet....

He was certain that at this point, Alex had been betrayed, and was already dead. 

"If they somehow find out we escaped they'll look for us. We need to put down all their sources of light;" 

Many heads turned to him, including Eleanor's. The validation of his words gave him courage and he took a breath, "It's the logical thing to do, and Elle is the only one who knows where that generator is out of the rest of us," he turned to is father, "You need to guide them to building 'D', I'll go with Eleanor-"

"No, you are staying with me," He said, and Carl glared. 

"She needs to have someone making sure she's not spotted, and I know how to use the sniper," His father bared his teeth, he turned to Eleanor, as if asking for her opinion. The young woman gave a look at Carl and apologetically smiled at Rick. 

"You are his parent and legal guardian, even if I told you that I'd feel more secure with him... you know it's still up to you,"

"Y-You-!" Carl wanted to smile so badly. His father looked almost betrayed. He let out a wheezed grunt and turned to Michonne. This one felt nothing, said nothing. He looked at Daryl, and the man looked at Carl and back at Eleanor. 

"I'm going with them," 

"...Them?" His father did a double take. Carl hid his smirk under his hat. With a sigh, hid father faced defeat, "Be careful, we'll wait for you- We'll wait. for you. To catch up." he emphasized. Daryl nodded and so did Eleanor. 

The three of them moved to sneak around the corner; Eleanor signaled to the right and they hid behind a large garbage container. A look behind had Carl noticing that his father and the rest were already on the move for block 'D'. The moon light on the zone they were waiting was stronger, and Carl took a moment to look around him. Somehow, this place looked familiar. 

"This is not just because of the generator... is it?"

Carl and Eleanor turned to Daryl, who was also looking around. "I don't mind, but I need to know how many more," 

"There's a room where they create flares and fireworks, it's filled with gunpowder..." she began. Carl wide-eyed, Was she serious? Daryl looked at her with the same surprise. Neither he nor Daryl wondered why would they want to make so many flares, but a fire of that magnitude could be dangerous... even for them. 

"What else?" This time it was Carl who asked. Eleanor seemed to hesitate, until she turned to look at him. 

"There was a place.... a tall building. But that's where I sabotaged the generator, they are going to be there.... it's too much of a risk," Carl nodded. "Only the gunpowder, and the side generator"

They were about to rise and move, when the distinct sound of gunfire echoed far away. Carl tensed, and grabbed Eleanor's arm. 

"Was that dad?" 

"I don't think so, I think it comes from over there," Eleanor signaled to the front, Carl assumed that way he could get back at their train cart "The walkers had breached Terminus, we need to hurry up,"

"walkers, so fast?" Asked Daryl. Eleanor hummed, and looked around before moving to stand beside the large garbage container, she twisted something in her arms and ducked once again. When she reached him and Daryl she extended her hands. they were baggy shirts and the like. Knowing what it implied, Carl put his hat aside and moved to put the shirt over his clothes, being careful to button up said shirt to his neck. Daryl shared a look with him before cringing and moving to do the same. 

"The walkers had been building up for a while. The people at Terminus use flares and others in many directions at the same time, to confuse the walkers and make them disperse," she explained, while putting on an extra layer of clothes herself, "They called it 'the distraction', but since Carol fired first, the walkers had a direction," 

Daryl smirked and they advanced. Carl soon realized he had confused this medium sized yard with the only one he knew. They had to hide more than once, the number of people increasing. Luckily, they didn't run into any walkers, and they didn't sold their over clothing yet. Carl was steadily growing more and more nervous; after a couple of buildings and turns around the corner, he had no idea where he was. Eleanor Seemed to be guiding herself by the letters and sometimes numbers of the buildings. That made Carl wonder if, like the train cart they were in, these routes conduced victims to other dead ends, and more carts with letters and numbers. His musings stopped when Eleanor hid and then tapped on his shoulder, she signaled to a turn and Carl crouched to get next to her to get a better look. 

"There! That's the treasure room and that must be the generator," She explained and cursed, "Shit, I passed trough here, and I didn't even notice it," 

"What do we need to do?" Eleanor turned to look at Daryl. 

"Do you have a good aim?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rick and the others had just arrived at the last turn in their way when the ground shook again, and the sound of explosion -the same as before, but with less intensity- filled the air. Abraham stood very straight, and so did Rosita. The man then turned to Rick. 

"That was a grenade," Rick nodded. 

"It must be the generator, we need to hurry-" 

He began, but the sound of bullets had him and the others crouching back down. Then, in between the darkness, Rick saw the unthinkable. Walkers, slowly making their way the same way they did. As Eleanor predicted, they were attracted by the explosion back at the building 'A', and now they had breached terminus. Michonne nudged him, he turned and she signaled to the walkers with her head. Rick considered for a moment the possibility of taking them down, but a barrage of bullets soon started taking the walkers one by one. 

It came from the way they were supposed to continue. The people around him grew nervous, and tried to press themselves farther into the corner they were hiding. Rick raised his hand, waiting for the others to appear. With the silent order to remain still, he let his rifle hang from it's strap and moved to pull out the knife Eleanor had given him. Watching his moves, Bob and Sasha did the same. Behind him, Michonne prepared to draw her sword... and he crouched to the corner. 

They were five... no, seven. Oblivious of the strangers beside them and completely immersed in taking down the walkers, they walked past Rick and the others. Rick took only a breath's moment to rise and quietly walk behind one of them. 

With a swift move, Rick lodged his blade in the man's jugular, this one screamed, but Rick moved fast to grab the hand that held the machine gun and pulled the trigger. The bullets flied everywhere, and they landed in walkers and people alike. The others moved fast to protect their leader, but it was too late. Sasha did the same with little to no difficulty, taking another person and using it as meat shield while the people of Terminus fell to the ground and tried to fire in defense. Finally, silence was made. Rick pressed himself against the wall, thinking that others could come by to defend the people they had killed. Instead, only gunfire could he heard some buildings away. The walkers were everywhere, and Rick and their group didn't have to worry about being noisy. Glenn emerged with Maggie behind them, and moved to stab the walkers and people on the head. 

"No," Rick stopped him, and the Asian man turned to look puzzled, "Let them turn," 

Silence was made, and Glenn reluctantly obeyed. Another couple of meters had them reaching Building 'D' from the outside and beside them was another line of fences. Rick studied them from the wall they crouched against, thinking that if there would be a place where they could escape, it could be this one. 

This is how, despite Abraham's protests, the group stood hidden next to the fence waiting for Carl, Daryl and Eleanor to return. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They ran as fast as their legs could carry them. Eleanor made another couple of turns and stopped from time to time to pull out a small notebook that she kept in her bag. She was reading a specific passage continously and Carl assumed the page contained mentions of the room with the gunpowder.

They were running out of time.

"That has to be it," she said, as she signaled to a tall building past a small storage house. 

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," she looked around and Carl felt another sense of dread. He looked up, only to notice an arrow and the letter D painted white on the the side. 

That was the way to the train cart D. The building with gunpowder was too close and any attempt to light it up would only mean his father and rest would be compromised. 

That also meant one other possible thing. 

"Daryl, I need you to take Carl past this path and find Rick and the others. Tell the to bail and reach the forest as fast as they can," 

Daryl frowned, and looked around him. He soon understood, and Carl clenched his teeth. 

"And you think we are going to leave you here just like that!"

"It's not worth it, we better just reach the others," Daryl added, he also thought the plan was too dangerous. But Eleanor couldn't be convinced. With a glare, she turned to Carl and Daryl. 

"I'm not asking for your permission. I get what's at stake but I won't run! Not this time! I'm taking this place down because if we just leave more will come. If more people come this... place, madness will spread, and I won't be a part of it." She said with conviction, and grasped Daryl by his shoulder, "They are no better than walkers Daryl. No better!" 

The man wide-eyed. Eleanor turned to Carl, who despite his best efforts, still looked surprised. "I need you to return to your dad; not only because I have no right to put you in unnecessary danger, also because if the explosion is too big to handle, it will be easier for me to escape without having to look out for someone else," 

Carl looked down, deep in thought. He couldn't fathom what happened while Eleanor was among the people of Terminus, but something had bothered her... and she normally wasn't this stubborn or determined about other things. With a sigh, he nodded; he also knew his father wouldn't budge without him and that would mean putting him or someone else in danger. 

"Okay, I get it. You want to set the gunpowder on fire. But if you do that inside that building... no matter how fast you run, you'll get hurt," 

"Carl's right. Pass us a barrel or something. Well make a path for you to follow, and you'll light I from the outside."

Eleanor looked to the side for a moment then nodded in acknowledgement. "You're right. But we'll make two lines of gunpowder; if one is cut down the other will continue," they nodded, and slowly sneaked their way inside the building. 

The room was dark, tall and smelled of a strange mixture of chalk and ashes. Carl had fairly smelled gunpowder in his clothes or his fathers clothes; the sheriff often told him that there was a distinction in between burnt and unburnt gunpowder. 

Frankly speaking, if he wasn't told this was a gunpowder factory, he would have thought if was some kind of large burner with an acrid odor or any other thing. 

Eleanor risked her flashlight; there were no barrels, but she could see plastic containers with insulting tape on their caps. With a fast move, Eleanor selected the two smallest ones and pierced the side. She handed one to Daryl, and one to him. 

"Don't overlay them, but try to make them cross from time to time; I'll pierce some others to make a connection and in a while... I'll catch up with you," Daryl nodded and moved to leave. Carl stood immobile. Just like that, only a couple of minutes later and they would be separated again. He waited to see if Eleanor dared to force him to leave, and the woman turned to look at him with a defeated smile. 

"So that's your big plan?" He couldn't help but say. Eleanor walked to him and cuddled his face in between her hands. Carl let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes.

Maybe that's why he was taken by surprise when he felt Elanor kissing him on the cheek.

The pressure was strong, it was not the flutter of lips that he had felt from her so many times now. It was lingering, like the ones his mother gave him, but at the same time different. Without thinking much, he returned it with a light kiss of his own. It ended fast, for Eleanor had pulled away and was now wrapping him in a tight hug.

"As soon as we are safe, you'll explain to me what's going on," he whispered.

"It's a promise," she whispered in his ear and Carl smiled. When they parted, she rummaged through the bag she hand and pulled out two flares; then, she handed the bag to Carl.

He frowned, but accepted it... along with the sniper. "There are more flares inside. If you are leaving with the others and you don't see me returning by then... light the powder,"

"What!"

"Just light it," she said back fast, "It'll be better for me if I'm without too much weight and if my flares malfunction, I want to be sure it will be ignited," Carl kept on frowning, and now shook his head, "please. If I'm stranded I'll just find another way out but I swear I'll get away. Just do this for me, okay?" 

"You are paying me back for this," Carl said, and moved to shift the bag to his back and take the other bucket in his hands. With a last look to Eleanor, he walked away, and fixed his hat when he passed by Daryl... who had stayed on the door watching. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a last glance, Eleanor saw Carl and Daryl walk away, and she remained alone. 

She wasn't sure how she had pulled this through... but she was going to end it.

So, with resolution, she moved to turn the larger containers. Some popped open and the gunpowder covered the ground and air, some others were sturdy, and Eleanor had to either pierce them open or destroy the caps to spread its contents. Only a side thought remained, and was if Alex had thought they were running out of gunpowder... Eleanor didn't even want to imagine what this place would have been back when it was at full capacity-

"What do you know... Martin was right," 

She turned, Gareth walked to her... a rifle in hand. She stopped moving, but didn't raise her hands.

"You may want to rethink firing Gareth. Unless you want to blow us both up,"

The man shrugged, his weapon leaving her for a moment and pointing at the ground. "Frankly at this point, what's the difference?" 

"All your people are death already?" Eleanor asked with a smirk, "thought it would take longer-" 

"Oh no, there's still more of us... it's just now well have to search for another place to start over, and that's a bother. You're the reason for the bother." He took some steps forward "you can't blame us! We could have starved if-"

"There's food in the cellar,"

He flashed her a fake kind smile. "Is that why you want to kill us?" 

"Yes," 

"W-what... just like that?" He laughed. Eleanor didn't answer. She limited herself to keep her ground; Gareth advanced some more. "You see, Eleanor... we weren't like this all the time. Terminus was a secure place; until it wasn't. We welcomed the wrong people; the kind that looked like you did," his smile disappeared, and Eleanor could almost feel more at ease with the cold expression. "We soon learned that we... US, we are the only thing that should matter. We learned that in this world... you are either the butcher," he paused, and his smile turned predatory l, almost completely insane, "or the cattle," 

"No matter what you tell me, there is no justification for the abomination you all are," 

"Being this moralist won't do you any good in the long run," he mocked. They were only a couple of steps away now, and Eleanor knew what would come next. 

So she jumped forward. Gareth lifted his rifle once again but Eleanor was not worried. Taking the hem of the large shirt she had over, she covered the muzzle and grasped the end of the barrel with her hand; the other already had her handgun ready to fire. 

Gareth started shooting out of instinct, exactly at the moment Eleanor lodged her handgun in his belly and started firing... one, two, three times. She flinched the heat of the barrel burning her skin. Still, she only moved to point at the temple and fire again. With a dry sound, Gareth fell to the ground. Trembling, Eleanor tried to cover her injured hand with the fabric and moved to the exit of the building. 

She only spared one last look behind her, and when she saw the walkers approaching, she hurried her pace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one took me a while. It's been finals and that had me too occupied. 
> 
> So Terminus is no more! I have to confess the chapter with Gareth returning and killing Bob was great for drama value... but it made no sense. Specially because it looked like it was already spring, are you telling me that Gareth has followed Rick around for that long? That confronting 4 against 8 was a good idea? 
> 
> Any way, see you for so mayor fluff and teenage angst on the next chapter!
> 
> As always, comment if you like. See you in the next chapter ;)


	6. Self awareness

"We'll camp here,"

There was a collective groan. Carl let out a sigh, his back was killing him. Judith, oblivious of anything, swung her little legs back and forth, the small and round feet bumped against his sides... truly not helping in any way to ease up the pain. He looked to Michonne and his father, both the post-card image of resilience. Fuck them both, his father was supposed to be older and he didn't even look affected. At least Eleanor was on his side, the woman had immediately let herself fall against a tree.

Since their escape from Terminus, they had not stopped walking. At first, the adrenaline released by their escape gave them strength. They walked throughout the night and until dawn. The few walkers that they encountered int the woods were not interested in them... given the light, screams and smell coming from Terminus, no matter if they were not covered from head to toe in walker's remains, they were ignored. Their exodus had been moderately peaceful, and they had made good use of their energy to get away as fast as possible. 

Now it was morning, at least twelve hours have passed since the last and biggest explosion, and the forces had left them completely. Carl didn't even need to turn around and look at the sky; be it the clouds that shadowed the sun, be it the miles that should be between them and that retched place... he couldn't even distinguish the smell of burnt gunpowder any longer. 

Not like that night, when he and Daryl were just finishing to make the line when they spotted Eleanor; trying to get their attention from not too far away. Her hand was covered in blood, he should have been worried. But her expression, and the way she was running at them... he knew they were screwed. They reached the others together only to hurry the to bail as if the devil was hunting their asses himself. The explosion almost caught them, even if they were already inside the woods. 

But now it was all over, and they needed to take a rest unless they wanted to drop dead. 

Probably it was the first time since the explosion, his eyes traveled back to the badly bandaged hand she had. The right one, Carl didn't got time to ask her for details as they were walking away; but between whispers, Eleanor told him that Gareth had discovered her in the cellar, and she had to take the barrel of the gun to aim it far from the gunpowder. You never touch a gun from it's end while firing, it must be as hot as hell. Carl could be more worried but he knew that Eleanor had come out relatively unscathed. On the other hand, it didn't matter that Gareth was dead before the explosion or not... after such explosion, Carl doubted there was any Gareth left. 

Despite his own exhaustion, Carl thought he should give Judith to Eleanor. Duties were going to be assigned soon and the woman was too tired to even move. He walked over to where she was but, as he got closer, the memories of the moment before they parted returned to him... and Carl felt himself nailed to the ground.

His cheek itched, it felt warm. If he concentrated enough, he could still feel the soft pressure of Eleanor's lips. Just as the last time she had kissed him on the forehead, or the last time they had been close to each other... it felt different. It was different, than when he had been younger.

Without real conscious thought, his eyes roamed from the hand to her arms and then to the rising form of her chest, she was panting. His eyes followed the form of the fabric and to the exposed neck, and then to her flushed face. It was a sweet dark pink color, it matched so well with her parted lips. Her expression was entrancing; Carl couldn't help but stare and try to define it. The furrow of her eyebrows and her eyes closed; the little beads of sweat that formed on her front and how her overall expression showed complete but contented exhaustion. 

With a blush, he looked away. 

"We need to gather water, wood and food," Maggie said walking to them, "Also to scout the area,"

"I'll scout with Michonne," Rick offered, "Daryl could go with Eleanor and see if they can find something good to eat,"

"I don't think she's willing dad." Carl commented, Rick frowned and looked at the young woman resting comfortable against the tree, "I'll go,"

"You'll stay with Judith," his tone left no room for discussion. Carl sighed, and walked next to Eleanor, letting Judith rest in her arms. The young woman welcomed the two-year-old with a tender hug, and moved her braided hair forward for the child to play with. 

"She's exhausted, she is not going," Carl insisted. 

"She can talk for herself," Rick answered back. 

"Only to force her to get up regardless!" Carl was about to continue, when he spotted Eleanor trying to stand, by the corner of his eye. He growled, and signaled to her, "Stay there! You are not going!" Daryl cut him off. 

"I'm going alone, Fuck! Like I need a fucking nanny!" 

"Fawck!" 

Carl turned his head at his sister, who was energetically jumping in Eleanor's thighs "fawck, fawck!" 

"Pffff," Eleanor covered her mouth and looked to the side. Carl snickered, but one look from his dad had him desperately closing his mouth, making It twist weirdly. 

"Perfect, just what I needed," his father cursed and glared at Daryl, who scratched his head. 

"Don't be so grumpy about it, we all know that was not the first thing she's said," commented Carol, taking the sniper "I'm going with you Pokkie," 

With a grunt and without Rick's word of consent, they walked south into the woods. There was barely a second of uncomfortable silence. 

"Fine, then stay and set camp with Eleanor and Tara," His father growled, "Abraham, Can you search for wood?"

"I'll check this side of the road with Rosita, Sasha and Maggie can search for wood," Abraham said. With a grunt and a nod, Rick walked away. Michonne gave Carl and Eleanor an apologetic face before going with the former sheriff. 

Carl frowned and looked around him. Who was Tara? Slowly, almost meekly, the woman whose name he couldn't remember stepped forward. Ah... that's Tara. With a large intake of breath, he met her halfway, taking the bags they had and opening them at the middle. The woman smiled, and Carl politely returned the expression. 

"Maybe we could use them as sleeping bags or something," 

"Yeah, or pillows. I think there were some quilts here... and the extra clothes we have will come in handy," He pulled out the food, "Let's see... We need be sure there is enough water first," 

And the silence ensued. Carl started to pull out the few bottles they had and he noticed that most of them were half full. No wonder, they had been walking nonstop for almost half a day. So they needed to get water. 

"You know," Carl looked up and was found with a nervous Tara. He frowned confused, "Don't worry, babies tend to say some words at first but if they make little sense they'll forget them again. So she won't be repeating that over and over," 

"Right. My father will be glad to hear that," Carl said with another polite smile. But Hell, he wasn't even bothered by it. If this Tara girl of his father heard all the things he knew and could say when angry... man, their hairs could turn white then and there. After all, Carol was not wrong; this wasn't Judith's first words. 

The first word Judith had said had been a short version of Eleanor's name, right after the baby had encountered with her, with his father and with him. Eleanor... If she weren't already kneeling and crying her eyes out in relief, she would have cried at that moment.

Carl smiled. It had been surreal, how they had found Judith alive and even unharmed. He was glad, his father was glad... Eleanor was beyond herself. 

"But it's so nice. You and your little sister don't fight at all," 

"Um... yeah. I feel responsible for her," Carl commented, hoping she would stop. It was not as it was wrong, but his family was far form normal families. He would never think of childish tantrums with his sister because he simply had been too close to loose her. At least he could release energy with Eleanor, as of lately... it didn't bother him to have harmless arguments with her. 

"Either way, don't think too much about what your father said. Your mom seems to not mind,"

"Eleanor is not my mother. She's roughly 10 years older than me," Carl said, now growing annoyed, "We aren't related in any way," 

"Oh... I see," Tara had a strained smile, this one Carl didn't answer. He felt pissed, why would anyone think that Eleanor was his mom! It made no sense. Moreover, if people were to think that Eleanor was his mother, that would mean that she had a special romantic relationship with his father. He wasn't sure if he was disgusted or unnerved by that possibility.

No. It was a good think that Eleanor was not related to him. She was a friend, a good friend.... to him, and his dad. They were not together.

Right?

Carl stole a side glance to Eleanor. It shouldn't be like this, but his mind was starting to provide evidence that could sustain that outrageous theory. Eleanor hasn't had a boyfriend since before the outbreak; and she had kindly refused Dr. S before. There were other males that she was paired with in rumors he heard around but he completely disregarded them; because Elle, despite her friendly nature, was very isolated. She was friends only with very few people, Him and his father included. 

His father. 

She arrived at their camp because she saved his life; and he had taken quite a liking to her. He wanted to ignore it, but now he could clearly remember that his mother prohibited him to be close of Eleanor almost all of the time. His stubbornness, along with his father's unrelenting trust for the young woman, had his mother stop insisting. Had that trust meant something else? It couldn't be explained because lately... he had felt that his father had been behaving like his mother in regards of Eleanor. That meaning... he wanted the teenager to set his distance from her. 

The sole idea twisted his stomach in knots. It was impossible, he refused to believe something so stupid. The more logical explanation as to his father's sudden animosity against Eleanor was something else, something he had been trying to deny for years now. 

"Do we look that close?"

He wide-eyed, the question leaving his mouth almost involuntarily. Alarmed, he looked at Tara, who was just as surprised as him. 

"To a stranger you would but... Your group, is actually a very close knitted one," She said with an apologetic tone; she was as uneasy as him. 

Maybe Tara said what she did because Eleanor was so close to him and Judith, that the only logical explanation could be that they were related. That only left him with the fact that maybe... his father was jealous of Eleanor. 

He smirked, thinking it out loud made it sound even more stupid. This conclusion was accompanied with a healthy dose of chagrin. If his father wanted to be closer to him and more involved in his raising, he should have just been around a little more often. His father literally left him with Eleanor, for her to help him, to teach him, to console him and to pamper him. Even his mother in the last months was a little nervous, because of Judith. And once Judith was born, his father had a meltdown and walked away, leaving Eleanor to deal with all of it as if it was her doing. It had been, but she had no other choices; she embraced Judith with all the love she could muster. She had been there, while his father was always doing something else, he had no right now to feel left out when he had kept the distance himself. 

He shouldn't think this way. He loved his father, and he didn't want to loose him, Carl would feel lost without him but... he couldn't stop thinking that... 

What would have happened if he had escaped the prison with his father and not Eleanor. What if he had thought that Eleanor had been dead and buried under the walls of the prison? 

What exactly was Eleanor to him? How important was she? What if she was gone?

That thought still had his blood running cold. He would have gone insane.... he was sure he was going insane now. 

"There's not enough water. I'll go get some," Carl announced, standing up and looking away. He could hear Tara's protests on the background but he could careless. He needed to be completely alone right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Carl!.... Carl where are you-! Carl!"

Eleanor called realizing that the teenager just turned around and left camp. Uneasy, she stood, Judith just falling asleep in her arms. She walked over to Tara... she was doing something with him right? 

"Tara?... where did Carl go? and On his own?" Eleanor asked looking around 

"Um... he said he would go for water, I tried to stop him but-"

"Ugh that.... kid! His father is going to kill him!" Eleanor said and looked around "Oh! Sasha! Sasha! Could you watch over Judith for a moment? I'm going to search for Carl,"

The black woman had no time to say any different. She took the child in her arms and Eleanor ran in the direction that Carl had disappeared. 

This had to be because of Rick. Eleanor let out a frustrated grunt. Teenagers were already hard to handle in normal times, but now with the zombie apocalypse on their heads, situations like this were out of the question. She partially blamed Rick, because Carl had flawlessly demonstrated time and time again that he was just as capable as the other adults. She was proud, because she never thought she would see the day that a child could grow up in this world and not turn insane or dead. Carl was prepared for his, he had grown in this and he was the first child she knew that could survive this situation guaranteed. His father needed to see that already. 

Because, in the end... Carl was still a teenager, and teenagers tend to act out when their confidence and sense of self feel threatened. And acting out in a zombie apocalypse, could very well lead you to death.

She knew he would be angry once she found him, but it was the tragedy of his age. He was almost an adult, but was still a kid; and even if she was willing to let him do things himself, she wouldn't let him do these things alone. 

It had to be some kind of divine justice that now she felt this way. Uneasy and even desperate because she wasn't aware of Carl's exact location. She needed to know where he was, if he wanted to be alone... he could be alone WITH her. 

This must be what Carl had felt all those times she disappeared. The little bastard. 

"Carl!" She recognized the hat in between the trees. Instead of calling for him and also calling walkers to their vicinity; she ran to catch up to him. Soon enough, Carl noticed the sounds behind him and stopped. Eleanor reached him, panting. 

"Why are you here?"

"why did you ran off like that! If your father finds out we'll be killed!"

"Yeah well... I needed some time alone," he started walking again. 

"Carl... walking out like that without knowing where you are going and alone... even for adults it's dangerous." She tried to reason, he kept on walking... but his pace was slower. "I know your father still has a long way to go, but I'm sure he'll understand that you are growing up," 

"Yeah," 

Eleanor huffed, it seemed as if he was only answering to content her. "What are you going to do here then?" He raised his arms, and a couple of half empty bottles hanged from them. "Then how I about I accompany you, so that we can carry the bottles tog-"

"I said I wanted to be alone. Leave, Eleanor," 

She was starting to get annoyed. Taking a deep breath, she moved to turn around, until she looked to her right. 

"I told you to leave me alone," 

"I'm leaving you alone," 

"Yeah? why are you here then?" 

She was walking parallel to him, around 10 meters away. The wind carried their voices though and Eleanor tried her best to sound nonchalant. 

"I'm going to find a stream, My burnt hand will welcome a little cold water... and all that walking has left me sweaty and sticky, I want to clean up a little," 

"...Then find your stream somewhere else," 

"I heard the river on this side, why waste more time and effort?"

She heard him sigh, "You are doing this on purpose," 

"All you need to do is walk a little further away," she said back and hurried her pace. For a moment, she felt that her plan would play against her, but when she kept on hearing the extra steps on the fallen leaves... she rested contented. 

The river, as Eleanor had said, was close by. She looked at Carl, who did as if she indeed was not even there. It irked her, but deep inside she kept telling herself to not be overbearing. When she was 15 or 16, she also hated when her father was hopping around her excited, always asking what she was doing and trying to meddle in whatever activity she had. 

It hurt her now, because if she had known that he would die a couple of years later, she would have exploited those opportunities to the best of her capacity. 

She wondered if Carl felt the same. There were many wasted moments concerning his father and mother. There were regrets, because his mother had constantly been there for him, whether to nag at him or coddle him and Carl often got in fights with her. It worried her, because Carl could very well react like she did after her mother died... keeping people at arms length, not being completely open about his emotions. It wasn't that long since he criticized such a thing on her, but he was maturing, eventually he could fall in the same trap of insecurity. 

Now that she knew what he had felt when she did that... she didn't want him to walk the same path of self loathing.

So she won't contain herself. 

"Remember to not put the water bottle too profound or you'll get dirt in the water-"

"Didn't you said that you'd leave me alone," he was getting mad. Eleanor lifted her hands. 

"Just saying,"

She heard him sigh. Well, he was not chasing her away with all this outrageous vocabulary; so she decided to stop. 

Now, she did say she wanted to wash up a little. Eleanor shivered, she should have come up with a better excuse. So reluctantly, she pulled her hoodie away. The wind was so cold, how come Atlanta was this cold during January. She missed Florida. 

With another shiver, she put the hoodie away and pulled out the little rag that she intended to torture herself with. The water was cold, and she was not sweaty enough to justify such a thing but.... she said that she would be refreshing herself. 

Hm, maybe she could use this chance to wash her armpits. 

She looked down ashamed.... it sounded so undignified. There were the things that you didn't say out loud. Just like her period, these past years had been torture. Using rags and washing her underwear the old fashioned way... the medieval way. The commodities like deodorant and tampons were lost in the zombie apocalypse. She didn't even need to take a smell to know it was smelling bad. 

At least, that was her train of thought, until she heard a water splash beside her. 

Eleanor jumped, and noticed that Carl was cursing, he had let a bottle fall and he rushed to grab it. Right, she was not alone... She completely forgot about Carl. She blushed madly. Suddenly doing something as simple as washing her armpits was almost impossible. Why did she have this stupid idea? Why did she decide to look this undignified in front of Carl of all people. 

In front of Carl. 

She turned and stole another glance. The teenager seemed to be engrossed on his own activities... probably, too engrossed. She squinted with suspicion.... maybe this was her worst idea yet; but there was not turning back. With resolution, she dumped the cloth and began washing herself almost with aggressiveness. 

"Stop that, you'll catch a cold," 

"This is what I came for, didn't I?!"

"We both know that was an stupid excuse. Stop that already and go back," 

She wanted to die of embarrassment. With a last movement, she whipped the cold rag of water.... but she was not careful and some splashes fell onto the front of her top. She gasped... it was cotton and it soon absorbed the water. 

"Ugh shit," She said and moved to take the shirt away. 

"I'm going back first," 

And Carl disappeared in between the trees. Eleanor cursed again, did he even know where was the way back? he could get lost... As fast as she could, she let her shirt hang from her neck and put on the hoodie once again. Then she jumped and hurried to rest beside him. 

"Wait! Do you even know the way back?"

"It's not too far away, I'll find it so... take your time," He answered back, and looked away. 

"Take my...! But you know this was all to accompany you," she said irritated "And now you still want to go around alone!" He kept walking up front. Maybe it was the fact that she got cold for nothing, maybe it was the fact that she damped her shirt and she would feel cold later that night... either way, she felt annoyed and she tried to catch up to him. "I won't stand for this! I won't leave you alone in this forest!" 

Carl turned around, and she stopped dead on her tracks. 

She took in his expression. He looked annoyed, but somehow... it was different. She knew Carl; when he was pissed, he would give away a cold stare... a cold-ice stare that was only worse thanks to his light blue eyes. 

But this time... there was nothing cold about his eyes. 

She blushed, taking in Carl's own blush. Her mind suddenly froze, she could not think straight... all she could do was take in his expression; an expression that up until that moment she had never associated with Carl and would have never wanted to associate either. As if to cement her thoughts he said. 

"Think for a moment of what you are doing. I'm also guy, so you better be more careful,"

With that, she remained on her spot, while Carl walked away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I'm also a guy_

Carl almost dropped the bottles a second time once he returned to camp. His father was not there, but Abraham and Rosita already returned. It was the fact that all eyes turned to him that he suddenly felt self conscious. 

But it was alright, no one has heard his conversation with Eleanor.... right? 

The woman took a little longer to appear on camp, she appeared at least a couple of meters away... she must have taken a detour. They collided gazes, and Eleanor turned her head fast, a blush well printed on her face. Carl growled and walked back in the direction of Tara; greeting the woman, he put the bottles to the side and began setting the stones to make the fire. 

Stupid, he felt stupid. 

Why in the world did he said that!

He shouldn't have said nothing. This way, Eleanor now was aware that he had looked... he looked! When she pulled her hoodie away and he stopped whatever he was doing because suddenly he couldn't stop thinking.... 

That she had a slim waist.... 

That her breasts were round, and not that small.... the way they bumped and jiggled once she pulled out her hoodie...

That her bra was sticking out of her top. 

And when she started washing herself... those little yelps and sounds she made; he blushed again. What was happening to him? He had seen Eleanor on a top and shorts before, this hasn't happened before! 

But then, He imagined Eleanor with only that top and her sleeping shorts; the ones that she had at the prison. 

Her legs were long and round, definitely not slender but.. curvy... in a good way. 

Her hips were wide... 

He growled annoyed. He wasn't stupid, he knew what this was and he hated it. Back at the prison, there were many guys... aside from Daryl, there were more young adults and teenagers. when they got the chance for a run... they brought things. Even them, it's not like he was ignorant of those adult comics... right. His mother had told him long ago about sexual education -the most awkward and excruciating moment of his life-; but he was young, at least he thought that way, he knew men felt that way for women... but he didn't really felt or thought anything about females, girls or older... 

Then why Eleanor

Why Eleanor....

"Hey, it's okay, I'll help you," 

He almost cursed. Tara was beside him, piling up the rocks. His paranoia piked once more... has she figured out what was going on? He panicked, and tried his best to show a bothered yet thankful expression. 

"Right, usually my dad does this..." He began, and took a breath, "Has he come back yet?"

"He passed by and asked for you," Tara provided and he wanted to groan again, "But I told him that you went to fetch water with Elanor, so he went to keep on establishing the perimeter. 

Had he gone their way? Carl felt panicked once again. Had his father seen?... had he... had he seen Eleanor washing herself?

He grew suddenly very pale. The image of his father thinking what he thought when he saw Eleanor had him almost vomiting. Not because he thought of it as gross... but because... 

He felt raging mad, just like the time when he saw that guy, Alex, walking Eleanor on a leash. 

He kept quiet after that; quiet and far away from Eleanor. Night arrived soon, that's because of winter, and Carol and Daryl brought two rabbits and a squirrel to eat. They accompanied them with some of the rations that Eleanor stole... but they weren't much. His father talked about preparing for a hard winter, saying that they had passed a similar winter before and that they would pull trough. That led them to tell Abraham and the new ones how they met Sasha and Tyreese, or how they met Michonne and then the governor. His father didn't mention Lori or the way he met Eleanor. Carl tried his best to appear fine, but now and then... he would spot Eleanor, looking as lost as him, and with the saddened expression he also had. 

They talked about the disease and the subject of Eleanor having studied viruses came up. She answered some questions more by obligation than anything else. Carl remembered Eugene, and his 'classified' bullshit. He sighed, if he didn't felt the way he felt... if he hadn't said what he did, maybe he would be telling this to Eleanor now. Either way, he was more worried about what would happen now... if this was going to be the rest of his life... if he was going to try and keep himself away from Eleanor because he felt self conscious around her... because... 

Because he looked at her... that way. 

But what was 'that way' exactly? as if hit by a revelation, Carl lifted his gaze to look around him. His eyes searched until they landed on Rosita; he knew what he was about to was not right... but he had to test the theory. 

Rosita was good looking. He is eyes tried to train on her face... but he saw nothing notable. With a blush of embarrassment, he moved his gaze to her chest. She was not flat chested, he supposed she was alright? She was indeed underdressed for the weather. Ther was only a leather jacket, that left visible her middle stomach. What was even the purpose? She was going to freeze this winter...

Carl wide-eyed. He wasn't even interested. Well... if she were to suddenly come over to him and pull put her shirt he might have a hard time not looking but... it was a chick, hell... she was too old, he would be weirded out. 

Wait, wasn't Eleanor supposed to be around her age? He turned to the side... and thought of someone else. He frowned, apparently Beth was missing but alive; doing this to a corpse would be too weird but....

There was a time when he thought that Berh was cute. The way her blond hair flew with the wind, her eyes and her smile, she was pretty and mature and kind. 

....then what? 

He couldn't remember, but he stopped feeling that way. Beth started going out with one of the kids in the prison... but he wasn't hurt by it or jealous or... He wide eyed again. He wasn't jealous of Beth's boyfriend... if he were to be jealous he would be from...

A beaded bracelet 

He blushed mad once again. By the time of this revelation, the others were calling it a night, he had barely eaten, and hadn't talked; so he was at a loss when everyone stood and moved to sleep. Who was going to take watch? What was the order? Where was he suppossed to sleep? 

"Hey... are you okay?" 

He looked to his side. Eleanor was there, looking worried at him.

"I'm fine," he thought of something else to say, "just tired," 

But she knew him. Eleanor didn't look convinced, yet she didn't insist. A pang of guilt lodged in his heart. 

"Maybe tonight, you'd like to sleep beside your dad,"

Was it really going to become like this? He felt worse than before? Despite being nightime, he hid his hace under his hat. 

"It's that what you'd like?" 

He was met with silence. He huffed, maybe a sardonic smirk was forming in his mouth, he didn't really care. He was turning to walk to his father's spot when his hat was lifted. 

"Carl is not what I'd like but what you need," she had a serious tone and she didn't look flustered or annoyed. Carl blinked, "I was an idiot this morning and I'm sorry. If you need some time alone or... you prefer to sleep by your dad, dont feel bad for it. It's your right," she looked down, maybe the first sign of anxiousness, "that... we can talk about it tomorrow," 

Right, because she was an adult. Carl looked down, suddenly feeling like the kid he was. He was nervous, he was anxious and he was an emotional mess. 

"Yeah... I'd rather do that tonight," 

"Okay, it's settled then," she smiled and gave him his jacket. Then she patted his shoulder... and Carl couldn't help but notice it was with some distance "see each other tomorrow, okay bud! Good night,"

And she walked back to Carol, to take Judith with her. 

Carl took his jacket and walked to rest in front of his father. He already had a free spot and Carl wondeted if it was for him. The old sheriff said nothing and Carl took the silent invitation to lay down. Michonne was next to them and she joked about it, saying that the sun now rose from the south, having Carl here and not beside Eleanor. Carl answered back with a harmless jest, saying that his father was warmer and he didn't want to wake because of Judith. It was once they all were ready to sleep that his father... giving his back, whispered. 

"Did something happen?" 

A lot happened, he should be feeling like shit, but the smile that Eleanor showed his way had him reassured. 

"No, nothing,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Is this teen angst or what! 
> 
> I would like to wish you all readers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 
> 
> I also invited to read the special Holiday chapter back at the Omake... comment if you like. 
> 
> Also, there's going to be a time jump from here (few months until spring) so bear that in mind. 
> 
> As always, comment, kudo it and see you in the next chapter :D


	7. A matter of context

"...."

"......rl,"

"..... Carl?" 

The teenager turned his head to look at Eleanor. This one smiled tenderly, but her frowned eyebrows showed her concern. Carl looked down, feeling more embarrassed than ever; after all, this talk was what he wanted, needed and requested. Being spaced out all of a sudden would do him no good.

"I'm sorry," 

"Don't be!" She said and giggled. She looked so relaxed, the exact opposite of what he was feeling. "Man.... I can barely remember what it was like to be a teenager," 

She said with a nostalgic sigh, raising her arms and stretching like a cat that just woke up from its nap. Carl couldn't take his eyes of her... even if it was cold and cloudy; even if she was with her over sized hoodie, his mind easily supplied for him the lines that hid underneath. He looked away. 

"I think it's hardly the same. You are a girl," 

Eleanor let her hands rest to her sides, her gaze still up in the grey sky. 

"When I was 15 I had a think for jaws. Not the animal but.... just as sharp, you know? That squared jaw-line… real Brad Pitt style," she said, letting her fingers graze her cheeks and then moving them down to form an L. Carl blinked.... 

Jaw-lines? 

"When it got boring... I started to look at guy's necks instead. Kind of didn't deviate too much from the beginning... but I became obsessed with long and thick, muscular necks-" 

"Why are you telling me this?" he said frowning. The last thing he needed was Eleanor reminding him that he had a woman-like jawline and a delicate neck.

Eleanor stopped ranting then, and gazed at Carl with a relaxed expression, yet serious at the same time. 

"I'm giving you examples of why your affirmation is wrong, that we girls do experience sexual awakening as you guys," she smirked Carl blushed, "in the same way that you blush at the word 'sex' and all its derivatives," 

He hid under his hat and Eleanor laughed at the reaction. Suddenly, Carl was glad they were having this conversation away from camp. Trying to regain his cool, he looked around him at noticed they were back at the stream. 

"This is a new step for you, but one thing I've learned growing up is that the more you cower from things as they are, the worse it will be later. Now that you are 15… I trust that you must know about certain basics of sex education-" 

"My mom already had this talk with me," 

"Really? Your mom… and not Rick?" She asked and Carl raised his eyebrow, seeming annoyed. "Okay. Has she told you what feeling aroused is?" 

Carl blushed again, ".... not exactly-" 

"Do you know what an erection is?" 

"Would you-!" He stopped, berating himself for feeling so outraged. "I know what it is!" 

"But do you know why it happens?" 

Carl was about to ask her to lower her voice, but the question on itself had him stopping. 

He didn't know why... but somehow he had an idea. Back at the prison, those adult magazines were a sensation between males. The first time he saw them, he was scandalized. He looked down on the older guys and their undying interest for them an yet, if one lay around open... he couldn't stop looking at it. The guilt that accompanied him as he fled before being noticed told him what he was doing was wrong. And even with that guilt, he didn't fail in becoming excited later. It became a dirty secret _he couldn't name it any other way_; because even if he had taken a glimpse, the images would be burned in his brain... his imagination would try to do the rest. When that happened, the next morning would have him seeking cold showers. 

Sometimes, even, he wouldn't have to think anything related and he would still feel hot and bothered. Not only it was bothersome, it was shameful, it was time and energy consuming. 

It was a part of him that he didn't like; and that he had never wanted for Eleanor to know. But it was too late to be stopped. Back at the stream, only the subtle exposure of skin had him over stimulated, he had pulled Eleanor into that shameful part of him.... he had felt aroused, just by looking at her. 

So aroused than even the memory of it had him short of breath again. 

He closed his eyes, expecting the woman to make fun of him... or worse, to express her anger. He wanted to dig a hole on the ground and tuck his head in... Forever. 

But he was met with silence. Carl mustered his courage and looked up, expecting the worst.

But Eleanor was just looking at him. She had her eyes trained on him, and she absentmindedly scratched her chin; she had that serious face... the one she had when she meant business. Carl swallowed some saliva, feeling uncertain. 

"Okay," She began, running her hands against her knees. "First of all, I need you to remember that arousal and erections are completely normal. It is a private part of yourself, yes; and you may feel embarrassed.... but you should never feel ashamed," She let out a sigh. "I can see it in your expression. You think something is wrong with you when nothing is wrong. Feeling exited is natural, for you... for me, for everyone. It's ingrained in our biology and it's sign that you are healthy,"

She made a flourish with her hand, one that he knew by heart, "Erections are, at the end of the day, accumulated blood on your penis. They are part of you and even though they may happen at random times, it doesn't mean you are sick or anything," she then gave him a tender smile "It’s just your body maturing, understand?" 

"...yeah," Carl said awkwardly, but at the same time relieved.

This was different to his talk with his mother; Eleanor rationalized it as she often rationalized everything, and that gave him some security. He let his shoulders fall until he started thinking. If she was being so... technical about this... did it mean…?

She didn't mind? 

Carl stole a glance at the woman. Her expression was gentle, and yet... determined. The small blushes were not there. Carl bit his lip, and opened his mouth a moment and hesitated, before he decided to speak. 

"And... is it also normal to feel these things for someone.... someone you like?" 

She blinked, and Carl wanted to twist his hands so he separated them instead. 

"Well, yes! I mean," she said, her expression something more akin to nervousness, "A sign that you like someone more than friends is the fact that you are attracted to them... deeply attracted; and more often than not, said person will get you aroused easily... whether something between you happens, or it doesn't,"

She laughed then, and scratched her head. "But I guess it’s too early to talk about that part. You need to like someone first!" 

"I do," 

She turned to look at him surprised. 

"Oh? You do?" 

"I like you," 

Almost immediately after, Eleanor smiled; that sweet, tender and charming smile than had him doubting, wishing and doubting again. She moved to say something, certainly answer to his confession, and he could feel that sweet sensation coursing through his body...

~*~

With a startled jump, Carl opened his eyes to gaze at a starry night. 

Realizing it had once again ended there, he covered his eyes and rubbed them profusely. What was this nonsense!? What had his brain against him!

Why did it always had to end there! 

An uncharacteristic chilly draft touched his shoulders and he shivered, realizing he had kicked his jacket far away. Sighing, Carl moved to sit up and reach for it, when he felt a familiar pressure at his crotch. 

It couldn’t be... 

He bit down a yelp or surprise, and slowed down his movements. The little tent was only perceptive to him; nevertheless, he moved to grasp his jacket and use it to hide it away as fast as he could. 

But it seemed he was also making many mistakes on that area of his brain. Without noticing, he had yanked away another jacket... more accurately, a hoodie. The owner complained, feeling cold despite the warmth of the summer night, and Carl had to scramble around to find his jacket and cover her again before she began tapping in his direction, and accidentally tapped him. 

No, the last thing he needed was Eleanor's hand on any part of him whatsoever. 

What should he do? Certainly, this rarely happened in winter, or when they were on the run before. It started to happen at the prison, where he had the security and privacy to handle this embarrassing part of himself. But now? With literally a bunch of people sleeping around him? 

So, tense as a violin cord, he decided to lay down once again, and wait for it to go away. 

"Hmm..." 

Like an owl, he opened his eyes wide once more, then turned to look at his left. Eleanor turned to rest on her side facing him and she complained of the cold once again, before taking the jacket, his jacket, closer to her face. Cuddling against it and letting out a contented sigh.

His heart skipped a beat. Maybe two...

No. Not this. He won't stand for this. 

He rose, and with a look around him, he proceeded to walk in direction of the small lake they had come close recently. 

This was dangerous, this was stupid, his father could kill him for this; and yet he knew that if he didn't put some distance, he will have a boner the rest of the night. 

With a sigh, he willed himself to walk slower. How has his live come to this?... recurring to his dreams for something he knew he would not have. 

The dream had some reality; but only some parts. The day after that incident in the stream, as promised, Eleanor had searched for an opportunity to take him away from camp. Now he couldn't remember where they went, his dream constantly provided the stream, but he knew they were further away. Then, the conversation had gone much or less like in his dream... with Eleanor talking about blood and erections and whatnot. 

What wasn't there though, was his confession... and the answer to said confession. 

Hell, he was no longer sure if Elle had ever mentioned that he would feel attracted to someone he liked. The conversation he had with Daryl a couple of weeks later was the true moment when his live had gone to shit. Because not only what he was feeling for the young woman was not involuntary and was not going away; he knew Eleanor, and if her body language was anything to go by... he was certain there was nothing going on there.

He hadn't confessed, and he didn't plan to confess. His dream was torture, the illusion of what he wanted to see and hear, however... could never be.

And that was why his brain only provided what he knew... Elle's smiles, winks and almost motherly attentions to him. Combined with the memories of all the skin he's seen of her this past year... there was little more he could imagine without deviating from reality. 

And yet... he still longed for that specific dream to keep going. 

The pressure between his legs was not going away. Carl cursed under his breath, and leaned against a tree, out of breath. He wasn't sure when he picked up his pace again, but he was sweating and now in desperate need for a cold shower. There was only something else he could do to make this go away. 

Carl let out a resigned sigh. It's not that he was picky person _god forbid, he hated people like that_ but... jerking off in the middle of the woods was something he hated.

Despised. 

Because he had tried it before and it had been disastrous, having to stop middle way because a fucking walker stalked close. Because he hasn't had this much pent-up energy when he was younger and it was all Eleanor's fault. Because despite knowing he could not be close to her and keep his cool, it didn't stop his idiotic brain from taking any chance to sleep by her side or do tasks with her anyways. 

He growled and bumped his head against the tree. Frustrated was a word that he was now very familiar with, and it only increased his anger and moodiness. At this point he'd rather throw himself into the river and be done with his life!

"..." 

Carl looked up, the sound was almost imperceptible but it was there... he was not alone. Alert, he stood straight and got out his blade. He waited, maybe he had confused the sound with something else... 

"..."

"...n" 

He frowned, not recognizing the sound in any way possible. He could, however, pinpoint the direction from where it was coming from. So, careful to not make any perceptible noise, he moved to find the source of his distraction. 

It led him to a clearing. Carl looked behind him a couple of times, fearful he would be too far away from the camp. He considered turning around and leaving, until the sounds were more evident, and he recognized them for what they were. 

Moans... and not the walker kind. 

Carl blushed madly. His mind worked soon to provide the possible identities of the people making those sounds. 

Abraham and Rosita were supposed to be on watch for tonight. 

He cringed, no longer sure if he wanted to get a glimpse of any of it. He still couldn't stand Abraham, and Rosita was still the old woman that he didn't like.... it was disturbing, just like when you had a hateful neighbor that you somehow catch that one time naked. 

No... hell no. 

As if his negative needed any reaffirmation, he could hear Abraham scream his release. The brute, the sound was so loud he was sure the people back at camp heard it.

Anyway, the show had ended already, and his own arousal was no longer; so he scrambled to turn around and return to camp as fast as he could. 

~*~

_"I'm heading out," Daryl said one morning, instead of taking his crossbow with him, he had chosen the sniper; "Think I heard a buck there somewhere while scouting,"_

_Michonne shook her head and twisted her mouth, "it could be far away from here now,"_

_"Yeah... that's why I'm taking the sniper,"_

_"So... you are saying you need some company?" Asked Eleanor, skipping to the front._

_Carl was hearing this conversation from afar, teaching Judith how to walk. The baby slumped, already tired of trying, and he turned once more to look at Daryl and Eleanor._

_"Can I go with you?" He asked, lifting Judith and taking it to Eleanor, the young woman had the question ready on her mouth so Carl beat her to it "she's tired; and I've been waiting to learn and hunt something big,"_

_"Shouldn't you be asking someone else instead?"_

_They turned his father was walking their way. Carl resisted the urge to roll his eyes._

_"Can I go with Daryl? I promise to not hit any 12 year-olds by mistake,"_

_"Pfff... huhuhuhuhu," Eleanor spouted and proceeded to hide her face. Her shoulders trembled and she was growing red. Carl smirked, satisfied at the result._

_"Don't joke with that. And you! Stop laughing!"_

_"Hahahahaha!" As if doing it on purpose, she released her mouth and the strident laugh that left her had everyone turning in surprise. She doubled over and took deep breaths. Daryl snickered, and so did Carl. Judith screamed delighted and kicked her legs around._

_That was the ice-breaker, his father couldn't resist the baby and sighed, lifting his hand and letting them go. Eleanor took the baby from his hands and for a moment, their hands touched._

_"Good luck out there!" She whispered with a smile and a wink._

_Carl walked away first, blushing madly and desperately trying to cover it from everybody else._

_Daryl caught up to him not too long after. The first minutes of walk were done in complete silence, and Carl thought that... from everyone else and not counting Eleanor, he had taken duo missions with Daryl more often. The quiet and no-nonsense attitude of the guy made Carl feel truly relaxed, and he considered him like a good uncle you'd turn to when you didn't want your dad knowing stuff... and yet wanting to have a man-to-man talk._

_That being said, his plan was going down smoothly._

_"It's been a while," Daryl was the one to talk first, he signaled to Carl with his chin, "you and me,"_

_"Yup, missed it actually," Carl dared to say, "you're a cool guy to hang around,"_

_Daryl smirked, but Carl knew he had been deeply affected, the man thinned his lips and scratched his nape._

_"Actually, I wanted to ask you something,"_

_"If it's not about me..." he answered and Carl restrained a smile._

_"What is like... to like someone?"_

_Daryl turned then. His expression was unfathomable; a mixture between surprise... confusion, understanding... and even pity. He looked forward, squinting his eyes as if a strong light had blinded them. Carl wouldn't dare to ask himself if he was trying to think the reasons behind his question. If he did, he would be moved by the impulse of running away._

_Instead he waited, and Daryl turned to him once again._

_"You mean... falling in love?"_

_"Yes,"_

~*~

By the moment Carl returned to camp, he stumbled and rushed to lay down once again. He scrambled to put the forgotten hoodie over himself and then he pulled his hat over his head; fearing that Rosita _who was by far more perceptive_ realized he was agitated and flushed due to running. He tapped his mouth and closed his eyes trying to will down his agitation.

Soon enough, he heard hushed whispers and steps, and his heart stopped. He could barely hear what they were talking about, but his name was not said in the whole exchange. Letting out a silent sigh, he moved to explore his surroundings. Despite all the ruckus he had made a moment ago, Eleanor kept sound asleep.

She no longer had half of her face hidden, but she still hugged his jacket tightly. Carl frowned, remembering the rest of that conversation with Daryl. He was sure now, he had talked that with Daryl, because there was no way that Eleanor would be feeling the same way he did.

With reluctant fingers, and completely forgetting that the military couple were awake and close, he moved to pull down the jacket and reveal completely Eleanor’s sleeping face.

> _Being in love is pain. No matter how close you are to someone, it’s never close enough._

Indeed. He wondered for how long had he felt that if she wasn’t close to him, he couldn’t sit still. Maybe since the moment he met her, his mind provided those panicked moments when she disappeared and he feared she was gone for good. But probably that was also wrong; because Eleanor stopped doing her escapist stunts at the prison, and stayed with him the most time she could. But even then, he felt that her time was shared, that she was not only giving attention to him, and he hated it.

> _You want to touch, and only you… no one else. You want them to touch you only._

But she had touched him so many times, and it was just recently that when she did… he felt as if he was on fire. His heart raced, his mind numbed; he was filled with energy and at the same time he felt very tired. Carl closed his eyes, remembering… imagining, how Eleanor’s lips had felt against his cheek. It had been months from then… and Eleanor hadn’t kissed him like that again. But it’s not like he had fished for opportunities for her to do that again either.

He at least, had some dignity left.

And yet, that didn’t stop him from wishing. Looking at her once more, he moved his fingers from the hem of the jacket to the corner of her lips. They were a little dry, her habit of biting them when stressed had left them a little chopped. Still, he wondered how would they have felt if that time, she had kissed him on the lips instead. With a blush, he wondered what would he feel now if Eleanor hugged him from behind, if she kissed his forehead, if she kissed his head… if she rubbed his ears or if she scratched his nape.

He wondered what she would feel if he was the one hugging her from behind, caressing her neck, rubbing her ears, kissing her cheeks.

> _Probably, the sure thing to know that you’re into that person is wishing they like you too._

And that’s the reason for it being painful, because he wondered… he wished, but Eleanor didn’t appear to be nervous, to be panicked, or to be in pain. She smiled at him as she had always done, been as affectionate as when he was younger. Nothing has changed, and yet… Carl couldn’t stand it. It angered him enough to be curt, sometimes, even hurtful. He would snap at her, or ignore her all together. And no matter what he did, she would only wear that patient smile and leave him alone, until he was so consumed by guilt and embarrassment that he approached once again… and as a video-game, she rebooted, as if nothing had happened.

Maybe she was doing that because she knew he was the stupid teenager he was supposed to be during his teens.

He hated it even more. 

No, she was only putting up with his bullshit because he was a close friend to her… probably the closest out of anyone else in the group. That left him in a very good position, but at the same time it was like a curse. The friend, the kid, the student. Carl trained his eyes on her long dark eyelashes and he had no need to ask himself how that conversation would go, if he suddenly decided to confess.

Maybe she would give him another speech about biology and maturing.

Maybe she would shrug him off politely, justifying his fantasies on his supposed crazy hormones.

Either way, she wouldn’t look at him tenderly, she wouldn’t blush or say she liked him too. She wouldn’t feel as relieved and as happy as he would if the feelings were reciprocated. That only happened in his recurrent dreams.

The irony of it almost made him cry in rage.

Dawn came at a maddening speed. After his musings and self-berating, Carl had barely blinked an eye. He had remained awake, even when Abraham and Rosita woke Maggie and Glenn, the next ones in line to take watch. He was so tired, he hadn’t noticed when chocolate brown eyes gazed at him in concern, or when they approached and called his name.

"You don’t look well... a cold, maybe?" 

Eleanor said, letting her hand rest against his forehead. Closing his eyes Carl let out his breath, leaning against said hand. 

He wanted to grasp it, make it caress his cheek, make it play with his hair. Kiss it.

Rinse and repeat, the sting in his heart turned soon to shame, and then to anger.

He pulled the hand away, and walked to the side. "Had a bad night, that's all." 

"Hmm," she said, she sounded not convinced. Carl turned and glared at the young woman, that 'leave me the hell alone' kind of look. 

Eleanor smiled and lifted her hands in surrender.

"Okay, I'll believe that. Why don’t you hang out with Judith today? The morning is nice… I think I want to make use of that lake," 

Carl froze in place.

Making use of that lake? Like in.... getting inside? With so many people _specifically, men_ around?

His head whipped back, and barely had the brain to hide his panic. By that moment, Eleanor had turned and she was asking around if they wanted any clothes to be washed. 

Oh, okay. Washing clothes. Right. 

Carl walked to Judith, the baby was sitting on a large shirt, playing with rocks, and he moved to lift her. At first, his sister protested, but soon got something else to entertain herself. That's when he heard footsteps behind him. 

“Carl,” it was his father, “I was wondering if you could accompany me to…” He stopped and frowned, “Are you alright?”

Carl let out a sigh, and rubbed his eyes, “I’m fine dad,”

“You have eye bags under your eyes; Have you been eating well?”

“I said I’m -!” Carl snapped, but a hand in his shoulder stopped him. It was Daryl.

“Yesterday, there as a wolf or something… it was howling like crazy, I’m surprised you could sleep,”

Carl resisted the urge to turn and look at Daryl. His father raised his eyebrows.

“Really?”

“you can ask Rosita and Abraham, they heard it too;” Carl’s heartbeat sped up. He wanted to close his eyes so bad, Daryl was doing more harm than good… his father couldn’t ask Abraham or Rosita because they would know he had been awake.

“No… it’s okay,” Rick rubbed his neck and nodded to Carl, “Take it easy today, you could stay with Judith,”

“Sorry dad, and thanks,” he managed to say and the former sheriff walked away with a grunt. 

In a heartbeat, Carl turned to look at Daryl, almost panicked. The man smirked, almost grinned at him; and Carl blushed.

“What if he went to ask Rosita and Abraham?”

“Beats me, if they don’t get a room it’s their problem. Woods are for everyone,” Commented Daryl, and the hilarity of his comment should have made him laugh, but Carl was too embarrassed to even care. “Either way, most of us already know, so… I don’t think they really mind,”

“I didn’t know,” Carl admitted, and Daryl snickered, and moved to get out of his shirt and put directly his sleeveless jacket instead.

“Now you know, if you aren’t bothered by that ginger’s screams… guess you’re in for a show,” he shrugged. Carl looked the other way, clearly… he didn’t get off to that, and certainly Abraham's ‘howling’ was actually a turn off for him.

Then it occurred to him.

“Does… Does Elle know?”

Daryl turned then and snickered smugly, getting a straw to bite on and turning to give Carl his sweaty shirt. The teenager frowned at it in disgust and then at Daryl… in annoyance.

“Why don’t you take this to her and ask her yourself?”

“Fuck you...” He said between teeth and walked away, taking the shirt and his sister in direction to the lake. Curse the moment he decided to trusts his questions to Daryl. The man was smart, and he easily connected the dots regarding to whom Carl was having these feelings.

And yet… he hadn’t said anything.

Carl knew what it meant, for his wishes to be true. He remembered when he was at the prison, and Alex… that inmate that was interested in Beth, and how he knew it was dangerous. Carol acted that moment, preventing him from being closer to Beth from then on; and he soon died, so Hershel never knew what had happened to his daughter. But the impact was there, Beth had confessed to him that if you liked the person back it wouldn’t be that bad. In retrospective, when he was 13, Carl thought that she might be right. Now that he was 15, he thought that what she said was ludicrous. Even if she liked Alex, they barely knew anything about him, so she had to be extra careful in the end.

Why didn’t his situation traduce in the same way in his head?

Was it because Eleanor was not a stranger? Was it because he had nothing to fear around her? Carl imagined how Carol would react if she knew the same that happened to Beth was happening to him and he feared that the woman would also menace Eleanor to keep away from him.

No, he couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t even dare to ask Eleanor for her opinion, this has never been discussed before; and not only mentioning the subject would be a stupid way to give himself away. Eleanor being the way she was, she would feel guilty about it… thinking it was her fault he was that way, and she would avoid him on her own accord.

The memories of the walk back from that stream, when she was blushing but also refusing to meet his gaze, joke with him… simply be close. He knew he couldn’t stand it.

So in the end, he was doomed. With a sigh, Carl almost dragged his feet along the trail and his mind was only half focused on the road, until he heard rustles in front of him.

Just as it had happened earlier that morning. He stood alert. This was the worst possible moment for a walker, he had Judith in his arms, and he couldn’t fight them like that.

He looked down at his sister, and the baby, oblivious of anything, gazed at him barely a moment before she resumed to play with the hem of his shirt. He better return, leave Judith with Carol or Tara, and return to the woods to at least protect Eleanor in case she doesn’t notice.

But then, as he moved to turn back, he noticed the form that was making those noises.

It was Eleanor herself, she had taken a while to go to the lake. Carl let out a sigh of relief, that meant she was not in danger, and he didn’t need to make a double trip to give Daryl’s shirt to her. With purposeful strides, he moved forward… but as he grew closer, the image in front of him grew clearer and he slowly stopped moving.

Checking that Judith would keep quiet. He hid behind a tree.

Eleanor was leaning against a tree. The clothes that she had gathered before going to the lake were gone and only one rested in her hands. She was hugging it, hiding her face under it and frowning it what appeared like… distress.

That was his jacket.

She moved to let out a relieved but saddened sigh. Carl recognized it immediately. It was the kind of empathy that one learned after having lived the same experience.

She sniffed as she did when she was upset, and moved to rub her eyes. Then, as if holding something dear, she clutched against the jacket for one last moment, before moving to resume her walk to the lake.

Hiding and leaning once again against the tree, Carl clutched Judith and let himself slide down to sit. His eyes were like saucers, his heartbeat was racing like mad, and his cheeks blushed red. Confused, the baby called for him, but he didn’t answer. Carl just stayed there, looking at the front frozen… his mind and heart a barrage of emotion, of memories, and of association.

> _Being in love is pain. No matter how close you are to someone, it’s never close enough._
> 
> _You want to touch, and only you… no one else. You want them to touch you only._
> 
> _Probably, the sure thing to know that you’re into that person is wishing they like you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all that waited for me and this update. Nothing more to say there, I'm a little delicate of health and left this in draft.  
> But I like the product, tell me if you feel the same. As always, the best rapport to keep me posting are those sweet comments ;) 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, see you in the next chapter :D!


	8. Self control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Carl is not alone on his pinning. What would happen now that he suspects Eleanor feels the same way? 
> 
> On another note, the plot is moving along, and on the next chapter, we'll meet a coward priest that got on my nerves for at least half a season. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Eleanor let out a sigh, while covering her eyes with her arm. 

What was she doing. 

Certainly, nothing harmless. Taking the jacket to the lake, she rubbed her eyes again. Only minutes before, she had realized that Carl's jacket had fell somewhere in the woods. And she threw herself in complete panic. 

She almost cried, and everything because of a stupid jacket. 

But it wasn't just any jacket. It was **CARL'S** jacket. The one she had woken up with and hugged instinctively, only to gaze at the teenager, fearing she had been discovered. Instead he was giving her his back, and she moved fast to rise and start with the day. 

Will the rest of her life be like this? 

Probably not. At this point, if life were normal, if the outbreak hadn't happened, she would have already been arrested. Certainly, Carl would have gotten a girlfriend by now _a girlfriend his age_ and that would have put an end to this useless feelings. 

But no, society laws were no more, Carl had no teenage girls around him and that's why he was looking at her that way, because she was close to him; and damn her weak heart, it clutched onto hope for dear life. 

Thank the lord she was old enough to disregard this fruitless hopes and more importantly, look unaffected while trying. She hoped that soon enough, she would stop feeling like this, Carl would lose interest in her, and things will return to awkward normality. 

She hoped, and she'll keep on hoping that he harbored no romantic feelings for her. 

It would be her undoing. 

She groaned, shoving the forgotten clothes onto the water with all the violence that she could muster. She wondered how things had turned like this, how had she realized that the kind of man that she wanted as a companion was looking more and more like her younger friend. 

Why did he have to be so cute when angry or embarrassed? Why did he have to be so responsible and serious? Why did he have to be protective and sometimes even possessive? Why did he have to be so attentive of her needs, her feelings, her little tantrums and fears? 

And more importantly... why did she have to feel so secure and comfortable with him? Why could he understand so well how she thought, what she wanted, and what she didn't want? Why could she be herself, without second guessing, without feeling ashamed or defensive around him? 

But that was the problem. Even if somehow he learned how she felt, even if somehow he returned her feelings... she would still have go lie or turn him away. Because what she looked for in a relationship was something he couldn't provide, he was 15... for crying out loud, and this could be his first relationship ever. She could never set such high expectations on him. That would be unfair, selfish, even cruel. 

Why was she even thinking about it!

No! It will never happen!? 

She moved to grab the last piece of clothing and noticed it was his jacket. She took a deep breath, she had to stop doing this to herself. She had to kill these emotions now... that they were still growing, now that were close to nothing. 

"Need some help?" 

She yelped, and shoved the jacket into the water with so much force, that it splashed and fell all over her. She heard snickers beside her, and she mustered all her courage. 

"I thought you were tired... Oh hey!" Her tone lightened at the sight of Judith. "Hello love! You gonna help too! Yeah you gonna help!" 

She tickled the baby's feet and this one screamed, kicking it away. 

"What is it Judith, you are going to help?" Carl asked again. 

The baby looked to the sides and her face turned to a frown. 

"Yep," 

"I'm dying," Eleanor said letting herself lay to the side, clutching her heart in pain, "her cuteness.... is killing me," 

"Drama queen," he commented and threw Daryl's shirt into the water. "Sorry about earlier, I hadn't slept a blink last night," 

"It's alright, you know how I get when I can't sleep," she joked, and moved to retrieve come clothes and start washing them. "Why couldn’t you sleep? Too warm? Nightmares? Animals?" 

"... yeah, ok... let's say animals," 

She frowned, and move to ask what did he meant by that. 

But her heart stopped. 

Letting Judith on the ground, Carl moved to pull his shirt out, the only one he had. Soft, muscular and pale skin was revealed, and Eleanor's eyes devoured all she had in front of her. 

Carl has grown, definitely. She could still remember when he was shot and he had small shoulders and that cute baby belly that had been stitched and had her, and his parents on the worst kind of anxiousness. 

The scar remained there, from her angle she could barely see it. A rosy ray of lighting that extended for a couple of centimeters from the middle of his belly and to the right waist.

There was nothing childish about that belly. 

The muscles were starting to become noticeable. Without his baggy clothes Eleanor also noticed that his shoulders were no longer narrow. They extended and made his chest and back far broader than she remembered. There were also the first signs of pectorals... and the thickness of his neck... yet lo long and delicate that left his chest looking like a marble statue. 

Her eyes, that had been travelling up and further finally collided with stormy blue eyes. 

My god, she thought, have some self-control. 

"Well, it's normal for you to be moody these years," she began, not sure what was the flow of conversation anymore, but desperate to control her racing heart. Better to make herself remember she was two years away from being ancient. "Back when I was your age, I tended to act out too. Not often... but those scarce rebellious moments had some grandiose to them, you know?" 

She tried to laugh but her voice wavered at the end. She was done for; Carl must have noticed... 

But be was engrossed on holding Judith as she spatters her little feet on the border of the lake. 

"What did you do?" He asked, turning to look at her. However, before it could happen, she looked down once again. 

"I.... I've always attracted... older men;" she admitted. Eleanor nervously side-looked and noticed that Carl had a frown on his face, she shrugged her shoulders "It just... happened, you know. My friend loved it because guys in college were cute and we were at that problematic age-" 

"... what age?" 

"16,"

"And?... you had a boyfriend from college?"

"....no, but a friend did. She was invited to a birthday.... on a dance club. It was exclusive and popular and I desperately wanted to go, but my father grounded me when he learned we were hanging around college students." She half grinned, "Back then I could get really stupid, I escaped through my rooms window and went to the party regardless, I remember I didn't even dress up for it... I arrived in sneakers... and felt like an idiot the whole time," 

"... did your dad found out?"

"Oh! Ohohohoho he did! Oh boy he did!" She said gasping and laughing in amazement. Carl frowned, and raised his eyebrow. 

"That answer worries me," 

"It should! Half way past midnight he appeared. He was dressed from head to toe in riot gear, he had called a couple of friends from his division and entered the club as if there were going to catch a Narco or something. He announced selling alcohol to minors was penalized by law and that he would take out said minors for questioning," 

"No way," 

Carl showed the panic, the terror and the surprise it all deserved. 

"Yes way. I wanted to kill myself. They pulled us out and my friends didn't talk to me for a whole school year. I was grounded for three months after that," she cringed "you see, police officers have the advantage of knowing a lot of stuff... and for the stunts you've pulled off, Rick has been pretty lenient... I should say," she grinned at him, "do you want to exchange dads?"

"Fuck no!" He shouted back and Eleanor barked a laugh. 

"What would you do now, if the outbreak hadn't happened?" 

He let out a sigh, resting his arms on his knees. Judith was balancing at the edge if the lake, trying to walk forward but not being to because of Carl holding her. 

"Back at home, there was a pub. All the cops gathered there, and my mom and dad went when my grandparent would come to visit me. I was never allowed to go inside, being a kid and all. Really, the only time I've been inside was when I... got out that photograph, with Michonne's help,” he smiled fondly, "I guess, when I’d have turned 16, I would have sneaked in regardless; if only to know what my dad and Shane talked about all the time," 

Eleanor felt a pang on her chest. Looking at Carl like this... she wished the outbreak had never happened. Even if he hadn't met her at all, she would know he would have a happy life. Either way...

If they have never met, she wouldn't feel this distraught by only thinking about it. 

"Either way, I guess I wouldn't have met you, so this is fine too," as if reading her thoughts Carl turned to her and smiled. She wide-eyed and when her cheeks felt far hotter than comfortable, she turned to look the other way. How conceited she could get, she thought, feeling happy that he was ok with living this hell on earth just because she was his friend. 

That was wrong. She better change the subject. 

"Um...," she began.... but soon stopped.

Light blue eyes were intently looking at her. Eleanor swallowed some saliva, how come he had such an intense stare. She felt nailed to the ground, analyzed, scrutinized.... as if she was completely transparent, and he could see past her pathetic pretends that he could clearly see her feelings for him. She couldn't look away, but she also wanted to stop this atmosphere, one that made her quiver in her place, made her heart race, and also made her feel like a teenager. 

"You look like a person with a mission," 

"I was just remembering," he said, picking up Judith and moving her feet out of the water. "So many things had happened that I left it aside, but... now that were are relatively safe and organized, it came to me again," 

"What came to you again?" This had nothing ti do with what she feared. Eleanor rinsed and twisted the first two or three clothes and moved to search for a low standing branch to hang them from. 

"Remember when we were at Terminus... you outside of the wagon and we were in?" 

"Yeah...." Eleanor said, almost in a whisper. She felt cold all of a sudden. 

"Remember Eugene? That was the first time we learned that he was a scientist," Carl continued "you heard it later when we were camping but well... that thing happened and I could see you were distracted," 

She smiled, it had been the first time her mind associated the fact that Carl was and would be a full-fledged male soon. 

Better pay attention, she turned. "Yeah, I was distracted; though I did catch we were going to Washington," 

"Yeah," Carl said with a snicker, "but Abraham was so interested in your scientific background BECAUSE... Eugene says he's got the cure for the virus," 

"...there is no cure," 

Carl grinned at Eleanor’s confusion, it soon dawned on her, "you thought that too... didn't you?"

"The first time I heard of it was at the wagon... how.... how did he say it?" He asked himself, hugging Judith against him, crossleged at the border of the lake, he was absentmindedly caressing his sisters head while she had found a new set of rocks to play with. 

"Right... I remember. He was part of a ten-person team at the Human Genome Project. A division that fought we-weapon.... weaponized diseases with weaponized diseases.... fire with fire," he raised his eyebrows, making stress marks with his fingers, "he said that he needed to arrive at DC no matter what, that he held the steps and procedure to make the cure and that if he died... no matter how detailed his instructions were... the cure would die with him," 

There was a small silence after that. Carl moved to prevent Judith from getting a rock on her mouth. Eleanor looked to the lake. 

She blinked twice. 

"O....kay?" She frowned turning to Carl, confused. 

"So, is he lying?" 

"Well... I- I don't know, " she said scratching her head. "The human genome project is an international effort to decode the information in the human genome; that is... our DNA, what it says... and how it compares to other creature's DNA. It started on the 1990s, supposedly finished in 2003... but they were still unsure about the importance of all the genome." She made a flourish with her hand, Carl smiled, "I mean... that has NOTHING to do with the Walker virus, that's supposed to be the job of the CDC," 

"Where Dr. Jenner told us that there was no cure, and later told dad that we were all infected," 

"Right!" 

"So, it's a lie," 

"I'm... ugh," she sighed frustrated, "I can't say for sure if it is! I mean, maybe the Human Genome Project decided to help the CDC at the beginning of the outbreak and they lost contact. Such a dangerous thing, they could have kept it a secret with vigilance of the government," she looked down, forgetting the clothes and absentmindedly scratching her chin. "Still... that thing about the weaponized diseases..." 

"The fire with fire thing?" 

"Yeah... isn’t it too dangerous? I mean. What Eugene sees as a solution is like... trying to eradicate measles by infecting everyone with flu," Carl did a double take and frowned. "I know right! It sounds kind of stupid, but most importantly... it's too dangerous! What if the combating disease gets out of control? What if what they try is to kill the walkers with another disease... what about us? We are all infected; wouldn’t that kill us too?" 

"I... didn't thought of that," Carl confessed, clenching his jaw, "if that were true... we shouldn't let him get to DC," 

Eleanor turned to him and wide eyed in surprise. She huffed. 

"Well... only if he's legit," 

"Do you think he's legit?" 

"No.... maybe," she said, making a troubled face. 

"I think he's full of sh-" 

"Carl," Eleanor said scandalized and he moved to cover Judith's ears. 

"I think the motherfucker is full of stinky, unadulterated, bullshit," 

Eleanor broke in laughter. Even if she should admonish the teenager for such a foul language, she couldn't help it. Carl snickered, and uncovered Judith's ears once again. 

"Is it that bad?" 

"Seriously, every time you ask the guy anything he goes... 'nyeh... it's classified'" Carl made a mocking mimic " 'I can't make up more of this nonsense, believe me and stop asking'... It's so annoying," 

"Oh it annoys you alright, Eleanor said, trying to contain her giggles, Carl smirked.

"Could you at least grill him a little, make him sweat? We both know he needs it," 

"You are awful," she said smiling, Carl answered with a devilish grin. "I mean... I could, but if what we suspect is true and he's a con artist.... there must be a reason why he wants to go to Washington. As far as I'm concerned he's pretty defenseless," 

"The kind word for useless," 

"Indeed. Without Abraham's protection, a person like him would have already been dead. A person like him knows where the most secure place is at, and would desperately want to get there," she let out a defeated sigh, "I feel pity for Abraham and Rosita, but I'm willing to follow the game if that takes us somewhere," 

"He believes it... with all his heart," Carl said, about to let a frustrated sigh, but then, Judith turned to give her brother a river stone and she pushed against his chest. Carl jumped and gasped, "hey! That's cold," he said with a chuckle and a shiver. 

Eleanor was once again aware of her friend's half nudity. 

"M-maybe you should put on another shirt. You had a bad night yesterday and that could mean a cold," 

"I just told you I couldn't sleep because of the noise," 

".... you did?" 

"I did," he said turning to look at her. Unable to sustain his gaze, Eleanor turned and laughed. 

"Maybe I forgot, Haha..." she cleared her throat, "noise, you say? Like... animals?" 

"A strong howling, I'm surprised you didn't hear it," 

"Well... you are right, normally I would..." she said frowning. 

"...maybe you could ask Abraham and Rosita about to. After all they were on watch yesterday night," 

Abraham? Its true that they we on watch for most of the night. But even then, it was only some howling, why would she have to ask about then if they weren’t close? It's not as if...

Slowly, and bit by bit, her face turned a deep red. 

Carl snickered from the other side and she shot a glare at him. She complete sense of outrage and betrayal soon had him laughing out loud. 

"How do you even know that!" 

"Daryl told me," 

"Yeah right, and how do you know it was them?" 

He shrugged his shoulders, but Eleanor could see the blush in them. 

"No way!... you saw," she confirmed the fact out loud, she gasped "so how was the show?" 

"Adults are disgusting; Daryl said the same thing word by word. I walked away, like any normal person would!" He justified and Eleanor laughed. 

"Not your cup of tea?" 

"Have you ever imagined Abraham doing... that?" Carl tried to say nonchalantly, Eleanor burst out laughing, "It's not alluring I'll tell you that much" 

"What is so funny?" 

They both turn. Rick walked them, taking his shirt off and dumping it into the water, Eleanor stretched her hand to grab it and wash it, and she heard complaints to her left. 

"What is this! You wash HIS shirt and not mine?" 

"You are already washing yours!" She said back. Carl pursed his mouth, and reached down his hand to touch the lake. 

With a gasp, Eleanor shrunk from him, Carl tried to send more water to her direction, but his father stepped in. 

"Okay, if you want to play like that then give Judith to me," he said stepping to the side and moving to carry the baby. "These uncivilized scoundrels... right? The princess has to put up with this uh? 

"Scoundrels?" Asked Carl 

"Princess?" Said Eleanor. She smirked "oh my God Grimes! We've starving for a week, how in the world do you have belly fat!" 

It was Carl's turn to burst out laughing. His father looked to his right side with an unassuming expression.

"There’s no fat there," 

"Oh? And what is this uh? What is this?" She reached over pinching one side, the old sheriff jumped, and Eleanor laughed, wiggling the sling between her fingers and making it look like a tire, "you can float in the lake with this!" 

"Stop, it's cold and it hurts!" He complained. "Is this what you were talking about?! Fat!" 

"More or less.... we were talking about Eugene," 

Being cruel run in the blood. Rock smirked and Eleanor pouted, if there was something they should be laughing about instead of Eugene's extra weight, would be the fact that he a bigger pussy than her. 

"Carl and me think that he's no scientist... that he's a con artist that is using Abraham's strength to be escorted to Washington," 

With that, Rick's smile disappeared. He went silent, surely he hadn't thought about this before, and the fact that Eleanor was validating Carl's suspicion made him worried. 

"There's proof?" He asked, Eleanor shrugged. 

"The way he speaks... the purpose of his research; I would like to bait him and ask him about some specific stuff, if he's lying and is not well prepared, he'll make a mistake. After all, I imagine this happened in the spur of the moment, Abraham is a big and capable guy anyone would want to tag along him to survive," 

"So you mean... to uncover him?" Rick shook his head, "Abraham believes what Eugene is saying, it could end up badly," 

"Actually we want to leave it be if that takes us somewhere," Rick turned to look at his son, "there must be a good barricade in DC for Eugene to want to be there. He's willing to put everyone else's life on the line for his butt, so it wouldn't hurt to find out what the fuss is all about,"

"You two have given quite a thought to this,"

"Yup"/"not really" they answered at the same time. 

He shook his head, but Eleanor could see he was smiling. "We'll leave it be for now. If he tries to make us sacrifice for him we split, but until then... we are following them to DC,"

"Great! I want to live in the White House!" Exclaimed Eleanor merrily. Carl snickered and his father turned his eyes. 

"This is not a school expedition," 

"His right Elle, if you are going to live somewhere it has to be the Oval Office," 

"But that's inside the White House!" 

"The key is to be specific!" 

Rick cackled but then jumped some steps behind, barely missing another splash of water, “Okay you two! Cut it out! Finish up here and return to camp," he said walking away. 

Carl moved his hands on the water, but he had no longer desire to continue on their games. Eleanor moved her gaze to him, she could see that the hairs on his arm stood on end... he was cold. 

"Maybe you should return for a shirt, you look co-" 

"-I don't want to return," 

He whispered, and Eleanor wondered if all that he meant by that statement was that he didn't want to return to camp. A thought lodged on her mind, despite how much she wanted to ignore the possibility, for a moment, she wondered what Carl was feeling, if he felt as cornered as her. 

Maybe he'd want to return as things were before he started noting her as a female, holding impossible feelings, and wanting life to be a little simpler. And yet, if she were Carl, she would want to ha e a middle ground on all of it, a reassurance that things wouldn't change between them, a way to know that she would still be his friend. 

That last thought came with a pang on her chest. 

"I missed this," she said then, squeezing the water out of the last clothes "talking and laughing, sometimes I feel that... we have grown apart and sometimes I feel that its only my impression," she stood " Either way, all that matters is that we are friends, that we trust each other... and that will never change, no matter what," 

Carl turned to look at her. For a moment she saw him look surprised, but it was gone as fast as it came. He stood and dusted himself, and then put the hat on his head. Eleanor couldn't help but, she puffed and started giggling. 

"What's so funny?" 

"You," he frowned "you look ridiculous with your hat and no shirt on," 

"If that's the case, I must inform you, you ain't a sight for sore eyes either," he said with a glare. However, there was no anger behind them, and Carl walked past Eleanor. "This place has too much shadow, we better find some sunlight, or these clothes are never going to dry;" 

"True. Have some place in mind?" She asked while picking up the clothes she hanged. Indeed, they felt ice cold to the touch. A cracking sound got her attention and she turned. Using his blade and brute strength, Carl had cut some long branches. 

"I know a clearing not far from here,"

"Oh cool! Lead the way then," Eleanor said and the teenager walked up front. "What are those branches for?" 

"It's a clearing; there will be no trees nearby and we need to hang the clothes," Carl explained still cutting down straight branches as they made their way there. 

"Those will not hold, I've squeezed the clothes by hand, and they are heavy," she said the lump of clothes wetting her front and making her shiver, "you better get more branches, to make a tripod structure," 

"Yeah..., I thought that too," 

Eleanor smiled. Was there a time where they fought constantly? Why did she wanted to tease him so much? 

She knew why. 

"You are turning into a fine camper, maybe even a survivalist," 

"Finally you say it out loud, thought I was gonna wait forever to hear it!" He turned to her, giving a mischievous grin, "is there anything else I should be turning into?" 

A fine, handsome man? Eleanor blushed then, and looked away, trying to conceal the honest reaction until disappeared. 

"Um.... a-a hunter?" 

"An amazing hunter!" He corrected, "if you don’t put the 'amazing' there then its meaningless," 

She smiled again, but grimacing as she felt the pang of guilt clutching at her chest. She was the worst, thinking about Carl that way, an innocent boy, a teenager. She better stop, she better remembers who she was, what she was... what would be the consequences of her actions if she kept on harboring these improper thoughts. 

They reached the clearing. It wasn't big and the trees hovered close, but the grass was tall and clean, the soil was not wet any there was a medium sized rock that was flat and perfect for sitting or lying down. 

Hyped, Eleanor walked to it, but a hand on her arm stopped her. 

"Wait, don't!" Carl exclaimed, grabbing her hand. 

"What? Why...." 

"Don't go to that rock," he ordered again. Eleanor frowned and moved head. 

"But why-?"

"It's the pissing rock," he added and moved his head sideways. "I've seen some dudes... piss there," 

Eleanor showed an expression of complete disgust. "What?!" She turned to the mentioned rock and took some steps back. "Ew! Why?! Such a perfect rock for-" 

"It is what it is," he turned and started making holes and nailing the sticks on the ground. 

"Why are we drying our clothes in the men's bathroom!" 

"It's not the bathroom. We just need to lay down farther away," Carl said, and Eleanor made a pout, moving to hang the clothes on the hangers he had just made. 

She would not comment on the fact, but they were pretty well made. 

Once it was done, she noticed that her shirt was completely drenched. Good thing they had arrived at a clearing, because she had nothing else to wear, and despite being spring she would have frozen to death if she remained by the river. So Elle forgot about all her previous complaints and lay on her back. Carl commented on the fact that she was drenched and she agreed, hoping that the shirt would dry as fast as the other clothes now that they were in the sun. 

Carl lay down soon after. it was at that moment that Eleanor was once again self-aware, and she wondered if Carl felt uneasy because of her shirt... as what had happened in winter. She stole a glance at him, he had lay on opposite direction of her so she could only see his face, hidden under the sheriff hat. Using her hand for shadow, Eleanor tried to not be too obvious... 

But he seemed completely relaxed. Odd... she thought, maybe he was over it. And for a moment, she felt sad he did. 

No... she promised herself she would stop. 

"..."

"..."

"You are going to get a sunburn," 

"look who's talking," she said back "At least for me it's only going to be my arms," 

"And your neck and face. At least I'm getting warm, you don't seem so comfortable,"

She let out a sigh. She was not sure how long had it been, but she was sure she had close her eyes for a moment and had fallen asleep. Her face felt a little hot, but she refused to move, she was comfortably warm. Also, she didn't want to turn and wonder if Carl was also getting a sunburn. 

She didn't want to know. 

She didn't want to. 

"Ah... thank God! You are an angel," she mumbled. She had her eyes closed, but the red color of her eyelids was soon turned to darkness and she felt the refreshing shadow of Carl's hat over her. 

Yet, she didn't get an answer. Her eyebrow twitched, and she wondered what he was doing, if he was not using the hat... or how come the hat didn't fall over her face, why would he hold it for her only. 

No, he shouldn't. He was sweet, caring and protective. 

She shouldn't. 

Was this what people felt, in older times?... when the devil presented before them, holding whatever they desired the most, just out of their reach... and like her closed eyes, something alluring and yet unknown. She didn't want to open her eyes, because her mind provided her wish. She wished that Carl had used his own head to give her shadow, that he was hovering over her, that he was watching her every move, her every expression. 

That he was watching her. 

And that was the trick of the devil. Because she didn't want to open her eyes... afraid to break the illusion. But also because she was afraid of the temptation, she was afraid to find him there. Every day since she realized that she was attracted to her friend, she had been trying to run from herself, trying to conform to a mold of her past, and now... she was afraid to find that she couldn't keep promises. 

Not even to herself. 

She'd eventually have to. And with that finality, with her heart racing, she opened her eyes... 

And they met a pair of light-blue ones... 

How much space was in between them? Not enough... that was for sure. The form of the hat cast much shadow, and yet... his eyes shone bright, cold and yet... on fire. She couldn't move, she didn't dare to, she feared the spell would be broken.

And so, she decided to stop running away and take that emotion for what it was, accept what she felt and what she was seeing. 

Those eyes showed the same heat, the same intensity, and the same open attention that she had seen that day at the stream. Her mind provided the thoughts unbid, those couldn't be the eyes of a child. 

And what would she do now? He knew how she felt, and he was trying to make her realize. She feared herself; she knew... if she found that Carl felt the same way she did for him, it would be her undoing. 

Her eyes traveled down to the soft lips, and then back up. A silent question, of which she feared the answer. Carl, for his part said nothing, he didn't move, his eyes leaving a tangible trace along her face. She felt self-conscious, and wanted to desperately cover the bruises that now could be barely visible on her face. 

Like that, the deal was sealed. They knew... they both did, they both felt the same way. Yet, they kept immobile, their eyes dancing and taking in the feelings that would not be spoken, their bodies like statues, being bind and held tight by reason... and self-control. 

it was not long until they heard Rick calling once again for them, and they parted. Nothing had happened... everything did. And as Eleanor picked up the clothes, she blushed madly. As Carl fixed his shirt she turned away and he didn't comment on anything. They returned to camp together, and to others it seemed as if nothing had happened. The day passed, and they would not be too far away from each other, but at the same time, they would not dare to stay closer than that. 

Now, no amount of space would be too far. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! and with the truth about Eleanor's feelings.  
> Just to say, I don't really like that 'I don't know what love is' dance. I prefer this kind of tension. 
> 
> See you on the next chapter ;)


	9. Sinner

"On the count of three, now I don't want anyone pulling weird bullshit again," 

Daryl fought the urge to roll his eyes. He spared an eye to his brother Merle, only seconds before it happened. 

Their rose their cups, and.... as it had happened for two times on a row, Merle was even. 

"Yeah! Guess who's taking the lot boys!" He moved fast to grasp the meager rewards... two coupons for gas and hundred dollars. 

But even then, things weren’t easily, the guy they were playing against stood and grabbed his brother by the collar. 

"You are cheating, you son of a bitch..." 

"Hey, hey, hey. You are fucking questioning my honor! WE used your dice.... remember?" 

But they didn't, black and white dice were common and he exchanged them at the last minute. The bastard sometimes had skills for that. Even then, it didn't help them; those Saturday nights of playing at the bar always ended up into fights and that meant he had to kick asses and get his ass kicked on a constant basis. 

When the outbreak began, they were so beaten up and wasted they didn't even notice it at first. 

"And... again," 

He looked up, his eyes trailed in the form of Eleanor. She had pulled the stick with the two lines, same as his... and that meant they would be the ones hunting...

For the third time in a row. 

"No way. This has to be fixed," Glenn commented and Maggie smiled. 

"What can I say... it's my luck," Eleanor smiled smugly.

"Pull it out again," 

"I ain't pulling it again," Daryl complained and stood, taking his crossbow and passing the rifle to Eleanor. She moved to stand and, with the dim lights of dawn... they went hunting.

As with his brother, he knew it was a ruse. The day Sasha made the sticks; without no one noticing, Eleanor made a little mark at the side of the ones with two lines... a chip, that could have passed as a defect on the craft. That way, he and her would take out the same stick each time, and would go hunting together. 

This arrangement had not been spoken, but Daryl caught on it faster than she expected. It had ensured that they got at least some decent pieces of food to eat once in a while. And for the past six months, it had worked well. 

It was funny to think that something that normally was used for your own gain could also be used for the benefit of someone else. 

With a smile and a smug attitude, the young woman made a last minute stop at one of the bonfires and crouched. With tenderness not often seen, she fixed Carl’s jacket over his frame, and caressed little-ass-kicker’s head. Only the ones that hadn’t made a nightshift the night before were allowed to hunt the next morning, and this time around, the kid had paired with his father. 

With careful strides, she caught up to Daryl at the end of the camp. 

"You've got high hopes today," 

"Yup! Last time we found a boar!" She gasped and laughed "you remember that!" 

"Yeah, well... it was one. And it was closer to winter," he mentioned. Actually it had been the beginnings of spring, but it still was a rare sight. 

"I hope we find some other domesticated animal gone relatively wild.... like with Violet or Theodor," 

Daryl hummed. It was unlikely, they were moving away from small towns and farms on their way to DC, soon... buildings, houses and the like would be all that there was to see. He wondered if Elle knew that, but wished to be optimistic regardless. Either way, with a few hares and birds it could be enough. 

"When are you going to let Carl hunt again?" She turned to him with a mischievous expression. She shrugged. 

"Well... once he figures out what's going on... he can go," 

Daryl scratched his chin, his eyebrows forming a frown. That was unnecessarily hard. How could a teenager realize the little scam they were pulling off when the other adults didn't even stand a chance? 

No, he corrected himself. For all he knew, Carl probably already knew, and was letting her have it. He side looked at the young woman, and something told him that she also knew he was aware. It didn’t scape him that for a while, Eleanor has been considering Carl even more prepared than any adult. 

He had to give the woman some credit; her efforts have paid off… efforts that at the beginning, no one really saw coming. When he first met her, he counted her off as another useless female they had to protect. How wrong was he; after he had watched her kill a dozen walkers, her body covered in blood, her blades drawn and ready for war; or when she, despite his parent’s protests, had trained Carl in everything that she knew. The kid had absorbed the information as a sponge. Now, Daryl could say with confidence that Carl was the toughest guy his age he has ever known. Not only he could fend for himself... he could also protect others. 

That always made him remember what happened in the forest before reaching Terminus. How Eleanor was almost assaulted, and how Carl had viciously killed the one that dared to do so. 

He scratched his head. He wasn't stupid, and he knew what was happening between them. They had been very close since the beginning and Carl was growing. Daryl had seen his fair share of odd relationships back before the outbreak... mostly undesired. Carl and Eleanor were not like that; they had risked their lives to safe the other.

That didn't make it any less problematic.

Either way, they were fucking subtle about it. Four months ago, when he had gone hunting with the kid, Carl asked what falling for someone was like. It wasn't a mystery to know who had awakened his curiosity... and a week ago, he thought that he'd have confessed or done something. 

Maybe he did... maybe he didn't. There was no easy way to know. 

Because they had gone missing for hours one morning, and when they came back... they were as they had always been. Because later that day... Daryl could have sworn there was some kind of.... tension; but no one seemed to notice there was. And ever since then, he had looked with suspicion at the almost orchestrated alternation between shared and separated activities.

It shouldn’t be his business, but he was already pulled into this. He was either a bloody matchmaker or a fucking meddling old lady. Or both. 

"Daryl! Dar'l!" An excited Eleanor whispered to him. The man turned, she was lightly tapping on his forearm and he followed the direction of her gaze. 

There was a chicken. 

She gasped in whispers, and tugged on the crossbow. Right, getting out bullets of something so small was a pain in the ass... it looked scrawny, and probably it would fly away, even with the arrow.

And yet, it had been a lifetime since he'd tasted chicken. 

"I'm on it," he whispered, and moved to aim. With a muted sound of the string and the scream of the chicken, the deal was sealed. Eleanor jumped in the air, squealing and shaking him a little. Then, she moved to get the chicken. 

He will say it again. It might be a ruse, but she brought him good luck... where animals were concerned. 

"No! You don't, you little shit!"

He heard her curse from a distance, and it soon dawned on him. 

No, hell no... not again. 

He made a mad run to catch up to her. What he found was Eleanor sprawled on the floor, piercing her blade on a walker... and the chicken forgotten on the side. Daryl lifted it by the arrow. It was untouched... and he exhaled in relief. 

"Is it okay?" Asked the young woman, letting herself rest over the walker. 

"Yeah..." he commented of handedly, and then huffed amused. 

Eleanor turned confused, not realizing what was so funny. With a movement of his chin he signaled back to her. Elle was straddling the walker with her legs, accommodated right over the corpse's ass.

"sexy,"

"You're a sick dick," she said. She could have looked even more outraged, but he caught a smile from the side. 

"I’m not the only one out there," 

"...true,"

He huffed, and together they walked further into the woods. Eleanor talked about roasting the chicken... and she picked some rosemary they found along the way. Daryl caught a couple of squirrels, and they reached the camp with the sun high on the sky. 

In the end, Daryl decided not to ask. Even if something had happened, it was not as they would admit it. 

Knowing Eleanor as he did, she was probably running away altogether. 

"Look what we've got!?" She exclaimed as they entered camp. Many heads raised, along them Carl’s; and some whistles could be heard as they walked over. 

"How in the world did you find a chicken?" Asked Glenn, suspicious... Maggie laughed at his reaction. 

"Just like with Violet! See I told you it was my luck!" She answered smugly. 

"Ah… But you know what they say, lucky in cards..."

Unlucky in love? Abraham walked to them, a smirk on his face "though who cares when you have chicken,"

"Indeed. But I can’t leave with myself without correcting you. Just so you know, I've got my fair share of suitors AND boyfriends so... not that unlucky, am I?" Elle jested back. 

"Did they all ended up happily?... I wonder," 

Daryl resisted the urge to smirk. Anyone who had known Eleanor for at least a couple of years knew that was not the case. She avoided Caleb like the plague… and before him, when previous relationships came up in conversations, -usually on the doctor's behalf- she had said that they weren't what she thought of wanted. None of her relationships had lasted more than a couple of months. 

She also knew this, and pouted. "Guess who's eating squirrel today," 

He barked a laugh, and patted her shoulder. Abraham had a special brand of humor, close to annoying someone more than making them laugh. He wasn't sure how many liked it and how many accepted it; but he was sure it got on Eleanor's nerves... she had told him enough times about it. 

Still she smiled, and turned to the center of the camp to talk with Carl. 

The teenager was also animated for the found, but grimaced at the prospect of gutting and cleaning the animal. Daryl carefully watched as he sneaked his hand to hold Eleanor's elbow while standing beside her. She was either completely oblivious of the action, or didn't mind the closeness at all. 

No, something had to have happened. 

"Found disturbances on the woods?" 

Rick walked next to him to ask. Daryl sighed and frowned, raising his eyes at the sun. 

"A walker almost took the chicken," the former sheriff cackled, "other than that... we found nothing," 

"Strange... isn't it?" 

"Yeah," He almost forgot about that. A few days ago, he had went hunting with Sasha -Eleanor had been on watching duty- and as they scouted, he could have sworn they were being followed. It was dark outside and using the flashlights was out of the question... so they didn't see who that was, but they were certain there was someone. 

That sensation of being watched hadn't appeared that day... or Daryl was probably too distracted to notice. Eleanor would have noticed though... so it didn't really make sense. 

"We'll keep an eye out," Rick said and patted his shoulder. "We will be preparing the chicken later, we had lingered in this place too long," 

He moved to tell the news. Eleanor pouted, saying that they could leave tomorrow. Carl was the one to tell her that it was better that way, and reason out that it was a bad sign to stay in one place for too long. She relented, and soon, the two moved to clean up and pack their things, the others followed. 

But what it'll they didn't find a good place to stay today, the chicken was already killed, they had to eat it. 

Maybe he should scout by the sides to lure the stalker out. 

"Found anything?" 

A couple of hours later, Daryl reunited with the group. He had found a couple of additional squirrels; however, he had seen nobody else. 

Maybe it was a predator that only moved in the night... and not a person at all. 

"They are only following at night time then, which is logical. In broad daylight they could be easily spotted. We need to take advantage of that and make a bigger distance between us and them." Rosita commented, Abraham nodded too, and it was decided that they'll keep on moving when... 

They heard someone calling for help. 

Rick and Daryl looked at each other... was it the ones who were following? 

Should they help then? 

The cries continued, now with more desperation. 

"Dad, come on!" Carl called with alarm; Rick turned to his son and so did Daryl. The teenager was ready to bolt and reach the screams. 

Eleanor looked more calm, but she eyed the teen and then to the others. She shrugged. "If it’s the stalker… better to end the chase, right?" 

"Fine," Rick said after one last look at his son, and they all moved to search the person screaming. 

Three groups were made. Michonne, Carl, Rick, Tyreese, Bob and himself were the ones going up front. Eleanor stayed behind with Carol, Tara and Eugene... she was holding Judith. Sasha, Maggie and Glenn accompanied Rosita and Abraham. 

It wasn’t too long until Daryl saw something black over a large rock, and the grunts of the walkers close by. The group that first engaged them was his. With a clean shot to the head, Carl took two walkers. His father used his blade instead, pinning down one of them against the rock and then attacking. Carol took one and before a walker attacked Rick, Daryl shot him on the head. 

Silence was made, and he could hear Eleanor and the others catching up. That’s when he decided to look at what they have saved. 

Looked like a priest. 

He was shaking like a leaf, curled up at the rock like a little kitten. Daryl frowned... this couldn't be the one that was following them... this fucking weakling? 

"You can come down," he commented and the man reluctantly descended. He looked blueish and seemed as if he was going to faint. 

"Are you alright?" Asked Rick with a grunt. The black man lifted his finger, but the shook his head and all his stomach contents busted out before he could even help it. 

There was a collective grunt of disgust, Rick frowned, not taking his eyes of the stranger. Carl looked away, almost rolling his eyes... so did Glenn and the others. 

"Whoa! Must have been the shock of your life," Daryl turned. From behind, he noticed Eleanor approaching, big smile on her face, a cloth and a water bottle on her hands. Judith had been left with Tyreese. The stranger pressed himself to the rock, and Eleanor rose her hands in surrender. 

"It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. Here... clean yourself up. Drink a little if you can," she giggled, "that was a close call, wasn't it?"

"...Tha-Thank you," he whispered; after some reluctance, he relented to the offer, and cleaned his mouth and took some water. "A-and sorry," 

"It's alright!" She flashed another grin, "what's your name?" 

"I’m Gabriel," he said meekly, his smile a shaky one. Eleanor smiled and took a step back.

"What weapons do you have?" Interviewed Rick stepping forward. 

This was a dynamic Daryl had only been talked about. It was something that Eleanor honed back at the prison, when he was gone. She had approached Tyreese and Sasha that way, only for Rick to kick them around the corner. It made her look defenseless, friendly and almost naïve. Daryl knew that it was all a fake, she only wanted to set the bait… make them think that they had the upper hand and tempt them to make a mistake… only for Rick or even her to make them pay for that mistake.

That made him remember the idiot of Terminus.... Alex, and felt pity for him. 

The stranger snickered, asking if he looked like he would have any weapons. Abraham cut him off, the priest get-up wasn't going to get him anywhere... but as the guy kept talking, it was more and more clear that he was telling the truth. 

A priest in the flesh, in the middle of the woods, without weapons and that had just been saved by a group of strangers. 

If he needed any proof that God existed... 

The man asked for food next, and Carl offered some nuts that he had picked along the way. The man thanked him, and seemed to hesitate for a moment before asking. "Have... have you got a camp-?"

"No," Rick cut him off, "have you?" 

He walked forward, entering in the priest's comfort zone. The guy was quietly losing his shit right now... Daryl could see it, and his poor attempts at evading the sheriff's eyes and looking away were futile. 

"I've got a church," 

Eleanor snorted, covering her mouth right after. Rick sent and annoyed glare her way and she just shut her mouth, a smile fighting its way to the surface. With a sigh, Rick turned again to the stranger and forced him to lift his hands above his head, and started asking the Three Questions. 

"How many walkers have you killed?" 

"Any actually," the stranger said with a chuckle. Rick searched him and with a forceful tug, he turned the man around. 

"How many humans have you killed?" 

".... none," the man said and turned around again, his expression filled with confusion and possibly outrage. Rick looked over again and the last question was almost whispered. 

"Why?" 

"Because the Lord abhors violence," he said with conviction. Daryl resisted a huff. 

"What have you done?... we’ve all done something," Asked Rick still... not convinced of this man's sudden lack of guilt. Yeah, he was on Rick's side... there was no way he was all goody two shoes if he had survived. 

All of them, each and every one... had done something they felt guilty for. 

"I'm a sinner... I sin almost every day. But those sins I confess them to God," he looked around him "not strangers," 

"You said you had a church," said Michonne changing subject. The priest nodded minutely. And they were on their way. 

"So hey...," Eleanor walked in front, back to her fake friendliness. "Are you an evangelist? Adventist?" 

"Catholic," 

"Oh!" 

"Are you catholic?" The priest asked, Daryl could almost hear the pledge in his voice. He turned to look at Rick, only to wonder if there was another plan in motion. Instead, all he could see was a sheriff hat. Carl had walked up to Eleanor's level, and now he was holding Judith. 

"Well... sort of," the priest turned to her, "I mean... religion is something you have to believe in to feel at ease... but to me that's all to it. The magic, the promises; are not really my thing," 

"Then you are not a true catholic," he ended. Another silence was made, until Eleanor decided to answer. 

"Guess you are right!... say," she started again, "you weren't by any chance following us right?" 

Oh, so she wanted to get there. The priest picked up his pace, and Eleanor fell behind with Carl. 

"I keep to my own devices. Nowadays people are just as dangerous as the dead. Right?" 

"No, people are worse," Daryl said, and was not corrected. 

"Anyway... I wasn't following you. I've been beyond the stream near my church only a couple of times. The farthest I've gone has been today," the priest explained, however, most of the group wasn't really paying attention to him. Rick was looking around the place and so did the rest. Too bad he had been curt with Eleanor earlier, Daryl thought, she was going to be the only one seeking for interaction. "Or maybe I'm lying, about everything and there's no church at all... maybe I'm leading you into a trap so I can steal all your squirrels," he huffed a laugh.

Was that supposed to be funny? The man turned and met the mistrustful glares of everybody. 

"Careful how you joke, father," Eleanor warned... her tone less merry, more akin to what they knew. The priest turned to her with a worried expression, "We worked hard for those squirrels," 

Daryl smirked when the man swallowed some saliva. 

"I... was often told that my sense of humor leaves much to be desired," 

"Well... that's more often than not a prerequisite for being a church man, is it not?

"I wish it wasn't," he said with a nervous smile. 

Daryl exchanged a look with Eleanor, who rolled her eyes. To that, Carl couldn't resist a smirk. 

They reached a small white church not too long after. Rick asked for the keys and only a group of four entered and looked around the church for security. The place was empty, and Daryl noticed a line of cans behind what could be the altar. 

They were all opened. The pussy was not lying; he did resist all this time with food for his own. Just how lucky are some bastards...

"Thanks for this," Carl said suddenly, with a little smile. 

"He's right, we've been wandering for too long... a roof over our heads would be nice," Eleanor added, "and a pretty roof at that," 

The priest said nothing, still wearing his uneasy smile. 

"There’s a small school bus on the back, if I can repair it... we could be on our way in two days’ time," Abraham rushed to whisper to Rick. Eleanor turned with a frown. 

"We just arrived here," 

"Can't we take a breath?" Michonne added to Eleanor's complains. 

"The longer we stay at one place the easier shit will go down we need to keep moving," Abraham insisted. 

"We haven't eaten well for weeks; we have a baby on our hands and I'm sick and tired ioffeeling little rocks nailing on my lower back!" Eleanor snapped at him. Gone was the strange display of fear they all witnessed at Terminus... and Daryl only wondered if she was really over it "so we are staying, we are taking water, food and rest; and then... only THEN we are moving forward. You don't want to take a heat stroked, anemic scientist to DC, right?" she did a double take, "and before you dare... I'm not talking about myself," 

She ended, then turned to take Judith from Carl and walked inside. The others followed soon after. 

"Where did you get all your supplies from?"

"Luck," answered the priest, but a look from Rick obliged him to elaborate "our annual canned food drive had just ended when the outbreak started. Once that was over, I started scavenging, got what I could but... there was a place that I couldn't enter... it was filled with walkers," 

"How many," 

"A dozen, maybe more," Rick nodded, and turned to look at the people present. Sasha and Bob volunteered to go with Rick, Michonne and Daryl stood beside them. Then Carl walked forward, and Rick was already sighing and having that stern look. 

"I'm staying," he announced, and his father stopped "Eleanor is staying too... to keep an eye on Judith," 

"You're staying?" Asked Rick, the woman was playing with the baby on her arms. At the question, she looked at Rick confused. 

"Staying where?" 

"Here... Carl said you were staying," 

The woman eyed the teenager, her face subtly showing complete confusion. It lasted a split second, until she smiled. Daryl wanted to roll his eyes. There was no way Rick hadn't seen that. 

"Oh... yeah, I could also prepare that chicken, with the heat outside... it's going to turn bad soon," 

"Okay then," he turned to Tyreese, "would you stay and help," 

"Yes... of course," he said with an ample smile. Rick nodded, and they prepared to leave. Letting the squirrels next to Eleanor, he walked outside. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carl was walking down the stairs when he felt eyes on him... and did a double take. Eleanor was watching him, a giddy smile on her face. He blushed.

"That was so sweet," 

"Eaves dropper," he accused and sat beside her. 

"I'm proud of you," 

"Stop it," he warned... but it was all for show. In the end he had a smirk on his face... one that Eleanor copied.

Rick had been gone for a while, disappeared with the priest, leaving them in the church. But before he left, he talked to Carl. He was concerned about his sudden generosity; and also his open trust to strangers. He warned him to never feel safe, no matter what others or even what his own instinct told him. He was never safe.

It was amusing to see how many things have changed. Back at Atlanta, Rick was the total opposite of what he was now. He was trusting, naïve, and vulnerable to the tricks of strangers. Eleanor wasn’t like this, even if she wanted to help him, she had her reserves at first… just the same when she met the others. She taught Carl that and as far as she was concerned, Carl was even less trusting than her. But any of that stopped him of wanting to save someone on a pinch.

And that’s what Carl told his Rick, that he didn’t want to be strong only for his own gain… that he wanted to be strong to help others, and to not die because of helping others. He believed that they were strong enough to help others... and that was the purpose of being strong.

Just repeating it in her mind made her feel all warm inside once again. 

"You're going to gut the hunt?" 

"Yeah... I was going to use some of the water we have until Carol returned with more. It's true that we are safe enough to split but... I don't want to leave Judith alone, not even knowing that Tyreese and Abraham are here," 

Carl nodded, and frowned at the front, his eyes flinching at the strong light. 

"You don't really want to go to DC... Do you?" 

Eleanor turned and wide eyed. Brown eyes met with light blue ones and she opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it. She let out a sigh. 

"When did you get so good at reading me?"

"... I'm not that good," he commented, "but you are impatient. Normally, when you are set on something, you prefer to do it fast before you change your mind," 

"Well, I wouldn't use those words," she acknowledged, "But you are right. This is different, and it’s not only because of the trips. It’s…. just that Abraham is so…. Ugh! I hate his guts!" she said frustrated, and rested a hand on her hair. "Fine! I get it! We need to reach DC! I've never gone so far on my own, not even before the outbreak; and having him stepping on my heels starting to get on my nerves... and," She stopped and looked sideways, taking a deep breath. 

"... say it; probably I'm thinking the same," 

"What if Eugene is really lying... and he doesn't even know if the barricade at DC is still standing? So many months have passed since he met Abraham, what if he's leading us to nothing?" she let out another sigh. "And what would it mean if it did? If the safest place on the United States is gone then... everything is gone," 

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned to Carl, showing genuine concern. The teenager was resting his face on his hands, and turned to gaze at her. He was pondering, and she was as hell sure that he was not thinking like her. 

"I didn't get that far," he admitted, she huffed in mirth. "Either way, we'll know how to handle it. As my father said, as long as he doesn't put us in danger, as long as Abraham doesn't push us farther than we can afford... we'll be fine,"

She let out her breath, and allowed herself a moment to gaze at her friend. She soon came to realize that she had known Carl for three years now, and there was a certain calm and composure around him that she found intriguing. Now that he was growing older, it was some kind of solid confidence, or rather... stability, that she felt pulled to like a moth to a flame. It was so different to her mind, she was constantly dancing around all the ifs and all the don'ts and that left her anxious, exhausted. It danced on her head, over and over... that she was now containing her instinct of opening up to him, seeking him for stability... because he was a kid. 

He was a kid. 

"Okay, time to work," she said; pulling her gaze away and getting up. 

"Want some help?" 

Yes... better not. "I can do it on my own. why don't you rest a little or explore," she said, without turning around

"I'd rather go with you," he said and walked to her. 

As much as Eleanor wanted to find a reason to refuse... she couldn't. She was not stupid, she knew why Carl had made up that she wanted to stay, and she knew why he lingered and kept the conversation flowing. 

Because he wanted to get there. 

She didn't know if she wanted to get there herself. 

Indeed, after the day at the clearing, there had been a shift in their relationship. She had unintentionally bared her emotions to him, who had reached out and deliberately shown them to her. He understood, or she wanted to believe he did; either way, he had slowly thrown caution to the wind.... well, as much as Carl Grimes could not be cautions. 

Was he taking her for a fool? Every time he offered to do something for her; the moments where she caught him unapologetically staring at her... or when he grazed with his fingers her arm... her hand, or her shoulder, as if the closeness was not enough and she knew...

She also felt it was not enough.

It was definitely driving her mad. She wanted to indulge in the touches, the gazes, the emotions that appeared hidden, but were actually showing themselves. It wasn't as if she would be kept wondering on the meaning of this actions. She knew him since he was half her height, and this was a strategical attack. Now, she was constantly in a battle against herself, even worse than before; because now it was not about hiding her feelings. It was not about killing them. 

Every move, every detail, was slowly melting away her resolve. She needed closure, a conclusion and a limit. 

Because it was becoming even harder to contain herself.

"Not wondering why I wanted you to stay?" He asked behind her, she sighed. 

"No need. I know why you did it," 

"Oh? Why then...,"

Eleanor moved to turn around and glared at him. But her anger half dissolved when she noticed Carl was not even two feet away from her. 

"You want to talk," she announced. 

"And... what do you think I want to talk about?" 

Oh hell no, " Not sure, you better tell me," she said, trying to sound as even as possible. 

Carl answered nothing. He had his hands on his pockets, and his hat casted enough shadow over his face. Still, Eleanor swallowed nervously. She couldn't help but focus her gaze on his eyes, those blue eyes that were showing determination, purpose, and the same intensity that she had seen back at the stream and had decimated her resolve since then. 

"I'm tired of you running away," 

Eleanor was caught by surprise. She shook her head, her eyes wide open and her mouth gaping. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I'm not Caleb, I won't wait until you come forward," he stated, and Eleanor gaped even more, she stuttered. 

"W-wh-wha...!!" 

"I like you," his stone faced expression was almost enraging, "Do you like me back?" 

At that moment, her mind went berserk. Did she ever thought she liked that determination? She took everything back. 

She tried to set some space, her brain frantically ordering her to run... and yet, she stood her ground. A prickling sensation, close to annoyance, started to grow inside her. No matter if it was Carl, she would not be intimidated. Squaring her shoulders, she frowned. 

"Like? I think you don't know what you are talking about," 

"I do," he stated stubbornly, "answer me," 

"I don't 'like'... Carl. I'm 26 years old; I'm well past the age of saying that I like another person," She hands rose to rest on each side of his neck. The action didn't make him walk away. "Because I... want you, I desire you, I'm in---"

But she stopped, closing her eyes and thinning her lips. Did she want to bear this to the light? Carl said nothing... of course he wouldn't say anything. She has been in this position when older men confessed to her and each time she was weirded out. 

This was not right.

She started pulling her hands away, when she felt them being held. They were trembling. 

"Don't stop," 

"I can't do this to you," she repeated the mantra that had been slowly taking her sanity away, "You are too young and I can't force you to feel like and adult feels--,"

"Bullshit,"

Eleanor glared at him, she was not in the mood for foul mouthing. She moved to complain, but she was silenced when Carl put a hand in her mouth and his forehead against hers. Suddenly, she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes. 

"What is that? Feelings that also need to be adult? You either want to cage me inside the 'kid's cage, or use your own adulthood as a shield for everything. I'm telling you now... No matter what you say, I've made up my mind. I'm not afraid to face this... I don't care if we take it slow or fast or whatever. I don't care how many conditions you put on me..." 

He exhaled and Eleanor felt herself shivering.

"I don't want anyone else. I'm selfish like that... and I want you to forget about everything for a moment and be selfish with me too. I want to know what you really want," 

What she really wanted?

She wanted him to keep on being this insistent with her. She wanted to feel more of that skin against her, more of that breath against her face. She wanted to see as he matured even more and became the man that would make her die in pride. She wanted to know the expressions he made while in pleasure, and she wanted him to experience all those landmarks that came with his age. 

She wanted to see as he experienced all his firsts... 

"Tell me," 

"What I want?" She said, and almost with remorse.

"I just need to hear it... please," 

And his voice was no longer strong. It was a whisper, soft... sweet, and insecure. It was the voice of a child, but it also sounded like the voice she trying too hard to drown between herself. 

She lifted her gaze, glassy and panicked, "I want everything..." her voice faltered "Everything. You mind, your heart, your soul, your skin.... I don’t really care if you are 17, 27 or 57. I just want you with me, beside me... I want you to be the only one that truly understands me, that wants me, that accepts me... And I can't fight it, I've tried...." 

She sniffed, and the moment she felt herself being pulled into a hug, she buried her face on the crook of his neck. 

"You are too emotional," 

She half huffed, half laughed, and sniffed again. 

"And you are too stubborn,"

"You are right and wrong. I may be young, but what we want is not different at all, we only name it differently," 

Eleanor looked up, and almost wide-eyed in surprise. For all the restraint that his voice seemed to have, he looked as unhinged, emotional, and scared as her. His gaze was sweet but also embarassed.... vulnerable. He looked relieved and at the same time, anxious.

His eyes locked with hers for a moment, but then they traveled down to her lips. And something stirred inside her. 

It was the desire to please, along with the sweetness of care, and the restlessness of protection. It was fire, one that wanted to consume her entirely. It was compassion and happiness, because this questioning eyes that danced between her eyes and her lips asked a question that only she could answer. That she wanted to be the only one to answer to.

Only for a fleeting moment, Alex's image appeared on her mind. And she concluded with happiness that it no longer affected her. That Carl couldn't even compare... and that she wanted to do this just as much as needed to breathe.

Once again, she cupped her hands on his face. And she caressed his cheeks for a half a second before leaning forward and looking her lips with his in a kiss. 

She understood then that Carl must have also been holding back. The arms around her tightened their hold, and he dipped into answer the first contact. He moved his head lightly, instincts leading his movements, until they mouth locked perfectly in one form. His nails lightly scratched her lower back, and she shivered... the sudden wave of pleasure being born in her chest and as lightning, traveling down to her stomach, echoing through her pelvis and reaching as far as the top of her toes. 

She hummed before she could stop herself. It was an innocent kiss, a lock of lips and yet... she felt as if she was on fire. It was a desire that burned and grew just under the surface, a promise that this could go as far as they wanted it to go, that each and every touch would unite them a little more until they could no longer feel without the other. 

She had a side thought then... thinking that for all the boyfriends she's had, she had never experienced this moment so intensely.

She was the one to part first... but only for Carl to brush his forehead against hers, sigh in relief and then kiss her again; pulling her closer to him. 

This much was perfect. The kiss was innocent and yet it wasn't. The promise that more was to come but.... more that she wanted to come slowly. She would appoint herself once again as his mentor, she thought with mischievous delight; fueled by the fire and love inside her... she decided to allow herself to make him experience every touch, every emotion and every sensation. 

After all, who was she to lie to herself. She was a sinner, and still... she wanted everything. 

She parted again, and this time around Cark frowned, a question in his opening eyes. Eleanor gave him a little smile, and a peck on his nose. 

"We need to stop,"

"No we don't," he answered right back, trying to dip in and she evaded him, letting her head fall to his neck. She giggled. 

"We need to prepare that chicken-" 

"Fuck the chicken," he said and she laughed. With a sigh, he also let his head fall on the crook of her neck.

His warm breath brushed her skin, and she shivered. 

"Can't we stay like this?" He asked then, shamelessly brushing his lips against her neck. She tried to turn her head and look at him, but all that she could look was his earlobe… It was as red as a tomato.

Eleanor smirked, for all that smug talking and insistent kissing, he was dying of shame.

"Hmm. I don't think so. Carol could come back any moment now, or Abraham could pass through here and see us. I don't want other people going to Rick to tell him,"

At that, Carl tensed. He lifted his head, and Eleanor did the same. He was no longer blushing. Confused light blue eyes found open brown ones. 

"Is that a problem?"

"It could be,"

"But... aren't we dating now?" 

She resisted the urge to grin. "Technically.... yes. But you are still a minor, and we need your father's permission," she began and Carl let his head fall in defeat once again... his loose hold tightening once again around her. She should be more afraid but she wasn't. Even if Rick were to oppose, all that they had left to do then was wait until he was of age. 

Carl sighed again "I don't like it," he said against her shoulder 

"You said you'll abide to any condition I put along the way-" 

"Why the fuck did I said that?" He growled back and she giggled. 

She scratched his nape, and Carl raised his head. They gazed at each other for merely seconds before she butterfly kissed his cheek. Carl made no move to release her. 

"Let me go, we really need to work. If Rick doesn't come back with food, that chicken and the squirrels will be all we have to eat," 

"..."

"You don't think he'll be able to find spices... right?" 

"Don't change the subject," 

She sighed. "We'll tell him as soon as we spare a private moment," 

"That could take a while," 

"Ah... but you also said that you'll wait as long as it had to take-" 

"Stop reminding me what I said!" He snapped annoyed and she laughed. With a scowl on his face, Carl finally let go and moved to walk. 

"Were are we going?" 

"To find water," he answered right back, "you want to cook that chicken... then we'll cook that fucking chicken," 

She laughed again. "I don’t think there’s water around here,"

"I think there might be. Father Gabriel is a coward. He wouldn't go far from his church only for the loo; and yet this place doesn’t smell like shit. That means he uses his bathroom or something akin.... and that means there's water nearby," 

"We have some time to ourselves and you are taking me to a bathroom again? .... romantic," 

"You are the one who wanted to clean the chicken," 

"I wanted to use the bottled water," 

"That’s a hell of a waste," He turned the corner of the church, and she crossed her arms. 

"Well, I'm not cleaning the chicken in the bathroom," 

"..."

"Carl?" She called and started walking again, she hurried. "Is everything o--" she found him standing, looking at the wall, ---kay?" 

She followed his gaze and her eyes visibly opened. He spared a moment to look at her reaction and then returned to his previous position, sighing. 

"Define okay," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! as always, thank you for following this work, I hope you like this chapter and feel free to comment on it, I love your comments. 
> 
> See you on the next chapter, and stay safe.

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you for following, if you like leave a coment. I hope we see again soon  
> ;)


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